Is it ever ok to play favourites?

[SilverBirchTree]

Three years ago my cousin 'Elsa' named me as godmother to her DD (3). I adore my goddaughter and love to buy special presents for her birthday and Christmas. I give her nice clothes and picture books all year. I put money in her bank account on special occasions and so on.

Elsa's sister 'Anna' is also my cousin, and she has three DSs (18m, 2 & 3) who are a lot of fun. I am not their godmother, I refer to them as nephews. For their birthdays and Christmas I usually send them picture books or nice clothes. I don't tend to buy them toys because their home is full of clutter.

Recently DN (2) smashed his iPad. His mother Anna invited me to buy him a new one and said 'it would help even things up a bit' if I did. When I asked what she meant by that she said that her boys are upset that I buy lots of expensive things for their cousin, my goddaughter, and that I should be more fair.

If it is relevant, Anna and her husband both work but struggle to manage their finances. Elsa's family is more comfortable and arguably less in 'need' of material support. My family is relatively well off which might be why Anna feels I should give more financially to her kids.

AIBU? I haven't treated these kids equally but is there an exception to the general rule when you are only the godparent of one of them?

She's a cheeky mare.

Tell her it's up to you who you spend your money on and you choose to spend it on your goddaughter. Her kids would get nothing from me from now on.

"she said that her boys are upset that I buy lots of expensive things for their cousin, my goddaughter, and that I should be more fair"
Extremely confident that her 3yo 2yo and 18mo haven't noticed anything.
She seems grabby.
Totally up to you what you do with your money and you have a different relationship with your goddaughter than nephews.

Yeah she's being proper cheeky. Nobody is entitled to financial support or gifts from anybody in their family just cos they have kids! It's perfectly normal to spend more on a child you're closer to and see more. You can't possibly be 100% equitable across all kids in your extended family. Not to mention that as she has three, if you do sometimes buy things for them it might not be too different between both families with three kids occasional gifts versus one kid regular gifts. Not the point though.

She's so rude, you're not a bank, you don't pay for stuff on demand. She's trying to act like the kids are the ones who've noticed but they wouldn't even know what you bought your god daughter unless the mums told them!

Good for you standing up to her OP.

I don't have kids of my own yet but several of my closest friends do, I spend way way more on one of them as we're closest, he's older, his parents are struggling financially and he has a hard time of it (his dad, my best friend, is terminally ill) and I like to show I care/treat him to stuff the family might not be able to afford, and build our relationship so that when his dad has gone we will still be close and have a relationship. I've started saving to give him a few hundred quid for driving lessons in a few years for his 17th. My other friends know what I do for him and there wouldn't be a chance any of them would be 'where's all this for my child?'. Jesus.

At their ages the boys are very unlikely to have noticed, it's obviously come from her.
I'd explain it's not a competition and the girl is your god-daughter so it's a different relationship.

I'm going to go for the obvious one, and say if they have a 2 year old with an iPad, they're struggling for reasons of their own.

Not having a very close family, but having a lot of friends, I'm always slightly baffled/not very understanding of the entitlement people seem to have about family contact and affection, and the extreme upset cause by not having equally close relationships with everyone of the same 'rank'. I'm not saying this to be snotty (or at least not trying to!), but basically I think that as long as each child has a great number of loving people in their life of a variety of ages, then it doesn't matter too greatly whether they have specifically close relationships with particular aunts/uncles cousins etc.

My two sisters kids are going to be much closer because they live 10m away from each other, and I'll be more of an 'auntie' to my sibling-less friends in my own town.

She invited you to buy her 2 year old an iPad?? A frigging iPad?! For a 2 year old. Wow.

Cannot believe the cheek of some people

ChairCat, yes all three had iPads, even the toddler. It was a matter of time before one broke, they are rambunctious kids. Their parents arent great with money, which is why I buy their kids clothes, shoes and books instead of toys.

But I can see as they get older they might feel like 'poor relations' and think 'why did my cousin get a dollhouse and I only got boring shoes?' and feel I've been mean.

She is a cheeky mare!

Reply "Auite surprised by your request to be honest, feels a bit forward to request I buy an iPad for . As you know, is my god daughter and obviously I have a closer relationship as a result. Your own children have their own relationships with their own god parents, which I assume you don't ask them to share with . Anyway, best wishes and looking forward to seeing you all at

Oldest is 3 they dont care it is her she is a cheeky grabby moo and bloody nora a 2 year old with their own Ipad they are not struggiling 1 bit, however she is obviously envious and maybe she has a point if you are buying more for 1 member of the same family then people are going to be put out but would I hell be evening up with a new ipad.

It's just so awkward I see them all the time.

I wrote back 'sorry to hear about DN2's broken iPad. Perhaps he can share with his brothers. I'm sorry if the boys feel I've been unfair - perhaps I can take them to the park for a kick next weekend to make it up to them?'

I'll update if she replies.

FWIW I also think is nonsense that the kids noticed a disparity. As if a 3 year old knows what things cost!

I should also note I have 22 first cousins. If i decide to buy iPads for all their kids, I'll post here so Mumsnet readers can buy shares in Apple before I do it!

It is cheeky.

However, it is unfair that one out of four cousins is appointed "goddaughter" and bought special things for that reason. In my experience, godparents tend to be friends rather than family, which helps avoid this kind of situation.

Yanbu.
No way on earth would I be sending any additional money in The direction of Siri e who buys a 2 year old an iPad. That is absurd.

Anna is definitely feeling entitled - I had no idea growing up what my cousins received, or who had given it to them.

If Elsa goes on to have more children, and you give extra special gifts to your goddaughter, her younger siblings may well notice. How you handle that is up to you, but feels slightly different to Anna's grabbiness.

Incidentally, I've never bought my godchild an ipad - nor my DD(4). I admit DD may have a tablet eventually, but she definitely doesn't need one yet!