Backhanded compliments?

[Kleo]

Kind of lighthearted as it doesn't especially matter either way, but is my mother giving me backhanded compliments, that is, disguising some mild insults within a compliment?

Examples from the other day:
"Oh, everywhere is so tidy. You've had another baby and suddenly it's actually clean and tidy"

"You look like you've lost weight? You just need to lose that tummy now that's all!"

It's always how she speaks so I don't think much of it but I realised the other day that Mil, when speaking to DH, would just say that the house looks nice, or that he looked like he had lost weight. She wouldn't add the extra part.

Possibly I'm overthinking.

You are too kind dm - until you open your mouth. .

Say...... did you mean that to sound so unkind?

Always reply 'So genuine in your praise, as always'

Good ideas!! Unfortunately I'm not sure responding in any way other than "thank you" is worth the grief. I just wasn't sure if I was being harsh/imagining things.

Also there is truth to the comments. It is tidier than when I was pregnant, and I do tend to carry extra weight around my middle. But then I think she doesn't need to point that out.

My mum does this. 'Oh it's so tidy, it's a shame you don't keep it like this all the time!'

'Oh it looks like you've had a lovely day out with the kids, isn't it nicer than sitting around watching telly all day?'

'Your hair looks nice today, it's good to make the effort occasionally, isn't it?'

I just ignore her now really. Or laugh.

I met an old class mate, said Hi to her
She looked at me like I'd just fell from Mars, and said "Sorry I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know you"
I said, "You do, Its baby spider.
To which replied. Well I'd never have recognized you..
I mean I obviously wouldn't go as far as to say you were repulsive in school, like, (Charming)
but Let's just say you've matured well

I am really bad at the unintentional backhanded compliment. I still cringe at something I said to someone I really liked the company of, but didn't know very well. We were sitting in a lovely beer garden with mutual friends and I said to her "oh you're so lucky to have a naturally blonde moustache, I have to bleach the shit out of mine to make it less obvious". The sun was glinting off her hairy (white) upper lip, and I just couldn't keep my fucking gob shut. Idiot.

Oh Sprinkle that did make me laugh!

Isn't pointing things like that out what mothers do with their daughters? My mum does, anyway.

I've just visited her and she spent the weekend telling me how lovely one top was that I had bought and how awful another one was! I needed my highlights doing, too and was amazed that she didn't tell me at least once that they needed doing (tried to book an appointment before I visited her but couldn't get one with the usual hairdresser so having them done later this afternoon).

I just smirk at my husband when she makes comments :)