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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what you would do?

21 replies

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 06:39

Our local police force has just opened up recruitment for PCs. There has always been a huge part of me that wants to be a police officer desperately. Great! I'll apply.

But here is the rub. My DP was a police officer up until earlier this year when he resigned. It was always his dream to be a PC but he was struggling at it and getting very stressed. I feel like, if I were to apply and be accepted, I would be rubbing it in his face.

Basically, my question is: should I apply? What would you do in my situation? I haven't discussed any of this with him yet as my desire to be a PC has always been there but the recruitment hasn't been open for ages.

OP posts:
PixieMiss · 05/09/2017 06:43

West Yorkshire Police?

Anyway, I would apply. There is no harm in doing so! If you get invited for interview or assessment day then you can discuss it.

Does your DP have a new role? Is he happy now?

I think you will regret it if you don't go for it!

Jg1 · 05/09/2017 06:47

Go for it!
It was DPs choice to leave so why would he have any issue about you trying?

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 06:48

No, not West Yorkshire.

I don't want to apply without talking to him. I feel like that would be a betrayal in itself.

I don't know why he would have an issue but I don't want to upset him. He is more important to me than a job.

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 05/09/2017 06:54

Your question is 'should I apply?' but then you state you don't want to apply without talking to him.

So talk to him Hmm

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 06:58

Yeah, I realise now that's confusing.

I meant more should I let the dream go. I don't want to hurt him.

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 05/09/2017 07:00

Don't be silly, Don't give up on a long term dream because you think he might have a bruised ego when you haven't even asked him. its a shit job though

BulletFox · 05/09/2017 07:06

Is your dp settled in a new job he enjoys, twat? Have you said in the past that you'd like to join?

I'd talk to him & see how he feels about it. Hopefully he'll be positive & encouraging.

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 07:16

I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows (I'm in another public sector at the moment and it's pretty shit some of the time).

I have mentioned it before in passing.

He's in a new job that he finds dull but he is pretty sure it's the sector he wants to be in.

I'm not concerned about bruising his ego. He will be supportive of me in any decision I make but I don't want to hurt him by doing the job he "failed" to do.

OP posts:
Jg1 · 05/09/2017 07:20

So you can never be successful at something he isn't? Okayyy.....

LostSight · 05/09/2017 07:23

So test the waters and speak to him. There's no point in second guessing and we can't tell you. For all you know, he might think it woukd suit you. It depends why he disliked it.

Brittbugs80 · 05/09/2017 07:24

No harm in applying. Just because your Husband didn't enjoy the role, doesn't.meam you won't be a better match for it.

I've got friends in the Police and it seems to be a very marmite job, you either love it or hate it. I've seen the downsides and they are tough but my friend who is a Detective has massive issues with her pension etc couldn't be more happier and pleased when she does something that has a positive impact.

I've friends who are PC's and they feel they are not unable to carry out their jobs properly and are thinking of leaving.

I'm always fascinated by the social lives of Police too!

There's no guarantee your application will go anywhere so there's no harm in applying. It's a long process so will give your Husband chance to get used to you following your dream.

Why have you never applied before?

kateandme · 05/09/2017 07:41

don't ever mention it being a job he failed at! or that in any way insinuate any thing like that.
print out the application form.sit and pass it over.asking what does he think.then be honest with him.
don't even bring him into it until he does.make it about your dream not his failed one. but make sure if you feel its on his mind tell him.you wanted to speak to him because you could bare for it to be anything to come between you or "a thing" that you don't think your more able or better than him you have just always wanted it even before him.not because of him.
make him feel needed ask him for help as he know so much bout it.
make sure you see it not as him failing but just not taking to it and gald hes found his neesh but you feel it could be for you or at least want to give it a shot.
its a long shot.let him almost be the protective man and say your nervous and would love for his support with going through with something you only feel was a dream before now.
focus on his strengths rather than what he couldn't do.
you will come up with your own challenges if you accepted so just make sure it always kept separate and it never comes up as you did this or he didn't do that etc.
many people are doctors in couples.work in IT as couple or even supermakrets and are couples.
go for it you can do it hun.you sound so sure and passionate and that is brilliant.

scarlett1987 · 05/09/2017 07:45

Why should you give up on your dream because he was struggling at it?

Go for it!

CaoNiMartacus · 05/09/2017 07:50

I'm sure he's a lovely chap and all, but don't let him hold you back.

Neutrogena · 05/09/2017 07:51

You may split up with DP (most relationships fail eventually) and then you'll really regret not being a policeman.
Do it.

Gooseberrytart4 · 05/09/2017 07:54

I don't understand why you'd ask his opinion? You're reading too much into it. If you asked and he didn't want you to follow your (very practical) dreams, it would make him a complete tosspot. Why wouldn't he want you to feel fulfilled and happy?

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 12:33

He would absolutely support me and want me to succeed. I just don't want to make him feel awful. I know it shouldn't stop me but I do care for him more than any job.

OP posts:
littlemisssweetness · 05/09/2017 15:51

Your adult who can do whatever she likes- yes failed at it so big deal he's a dick if you feel you can't apply for fear of upsetting him

scurryfunge · 05/09/2017 15:57

Go for it ( I joined at 30 with a toddler and have just resigned after 20 years). It was always my dream job.
Policing is not for everyone however and shouldn't be seen as failure if you can't do it. Hats off to anyone who admits it and leaves without trying to struggle on.

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2017 18:48

Thank you for the advice.

OP posts:
nodogsinthebedroom · 05/09/2017 19:01

I think the fact that you have seen how hard it can be and still want to give it a try is a good sign. Obviously I don't know your dp, but I would guess that he didn't "fail", he just didn't get enough job satisfaction to put up with the (enormous amount of) shit. Good on him for getting out but you're a different person.

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