Ex seeing DS

[Summerisdone]

I'll try to include as much info so as not to drip feed, so this may be a bit long.

I've been split from ex for about 2 year and for the first year he was massively unreliable when it came to having DS.
Since last December though things have improved quite a bit and we arranged that he'd have DS every other weekend, Sat morn to Sun evening, he then works Saturday of the weekends in between.

Things have improved but that's not to say things run smoothly; every 2-3 months he has 'car problems' so can't get to mine and when I suggest meeting halfway as I don't drive (so us both getting respective trains to meet in the big city) he says it's too much faffing, even though he must manage it to get to work when his car has issues

Also DS had chickenpox in July so I asked ex if he could help by taking a day or two off as I couldn't afford an entire week off work. He got the Monday and Tuesday as annual leave so had DS, then the following weekend was his normal days with DS, but he didn't turn up and claimed to have forgotten all about it as he's had DS earlier in week.
Ex then didn't end up seeing DS until his next scheduled weekend a fortnight later, which was the first weekend in August.
He then had more car problems that resulted in him not being able to have DS for the rest of the month and saw him next on the weekend just gone (2nd/3rd Sept). So as you can see, still not most reliable.

Now he has just rang me to tell me that he'll be having DS every weekend as he wants to see more of him than he currently does, I told him that's unfair as I work Monday-Friday so all DS will see of me is the boring mundane bits of getting up early for nursery and then no sooner are we home and he's had tea and a bath it's time for bed.
Ex then started going on about how much CMS says he should pay as it's recently gone up due to his high commission earnings being a monthly regular, so I asked him if that had anything to do with wanting DS more often (more overnight stays = less maintenance for him to pay), he argued that it wasn't, it's just 'an extra bonus' for him (his words) so I suggested he stick to the EOWeekend arrangement but also has DS overnight through the week also, this way he sees him more and he can take part in the standard mundane parts of day to day life and parenting instead of taking all weekends from me.

So AIBU to refuse every weekend and say that EOW and one night during the week is all I'm willing to give?

Also, thanks for sticking with me if you read through all of that

Its so about the money isn't it! YANBU. Of course he can't have him every weekend!

YANBU why should you only have mundane weekday crap and none of the weekend fun? That's not fair on DS or you.
Your suggestion to a night or two in the week and EOW sounds fair... I bet it won't last long, by the sounds of it your Ex won't enjoy having to do normal bed time routines and school runs lol

Stick to your plans. When he can maintain consistent contact then maybe revisit

YANBU. I can't imagine a court would support him in taking every weekend and leaving you with no down time/quality time with your ds and all the hard work.

Stick to your guns. He is being very selfish and clearly thinking about the money. What an arse.

Sounds like if he did get every weekend and the maintenance adjusted he would still have 'car trouble' a lot of the weekends. Sounds like a dodgy move.

The most important thing is to have downtime at the weekends and not just do the dull boring things. He sounds like an idiot.

Oh YANBU. Maybe he should spend some of his commission on a more reliable car.

I'm glad I don't seem unreasonable. I do truly believe it's about the money, but can't prove it and he'd deny that to the end anyway even if I could prove it clear as day, but I'm truly not fussed about that side of things.
He's refusing the weekdays offer as he says he lives too far to get DS to nursery and get to work; he's 25-30 minute drive from home and then 25-40 minute to work (depending on traffic), but I said that's not my problem as he chose to live where he does whereas I've not moved since DS was born, I also pointed out that whilst I live near nursery and work, because I don't drive and there's no buses nearby that it takes me 30 mins to nursery and another 30 onto work, so if anything he's got things easier because at least he's not walking in all weathers.

I'm not relenting though, I've told him I won't back down on this as I think he's being selfish on DS as much as he is on me, unless he'd like to go completely 50/50 and we alternate weeks with DS, which obviously he's completely against

YANBU. Do not agree to every weekend, that is not fair on you. Stick to EOW. If he wants a mid week as well then fine, but you also want some weekend time to enjoy too.

You could increase EOW from Fri night to Sun eve or drop him off at school Mon?

It is so about the money though!

@RandomMess oh I may offer him that as an alternative, that's a fair compromise IMO. That way I'd still have my weekends and he can have his 52 nights a year to reduce his maintenance costs spend more time with DS

Until he clocks it means he can't go out at all for a whole weekend

Good time to suggest he has half school holidays?? Again racks up his nights but saves you childcare?