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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go back to work early?

34 replies

chewiecat · 04/09/2017 14:09

More of a wwyd really..

My 6.5 month old baby is EBF, have never given him a bottle before because we never needed it. We started solids with him but he's not too fussed about it yet. So far it's just been me and DH looking after him, no one else has had sole charge of him before.

My boss called me up today to say that there is a project that they really think I will be good at. It's a very interesting role and only 3 days a week, with most of it I can work from home, with the odd meeting in the office. It's a great opportunity and would really boost my career. He said he will be happy to make the role as flexible as possible.

My dilemma is whether to take it or not. It starts next week Confused I have no childcare arranged as was only planning on going back next April!

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 04/09/2017 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idontevencareanymore · 04/09/2017 14:14

Do you want to carry on making a career? Is this something you see for your future?

I went back to work evenings when my eldest was 7 months. Ebf and no bottles or sippy cups would be taken. Was about 7 hours 3 times a week and she just binge fed when I came home. She eventually settled with sports cup style bottles and was happy enough.

With the flexibility of working from home I'd be tempted to give it a go.

backOffSunshine · 04/09/2017 14:19

I'd take it.

First child was EBF over a longish period. Second was BF for 2 months. Both now fine adults.

Ignore the breast feeding. It is best but there are a myriad of other factors (including happy and fulfilled parents) which go into making happy and fulfilled children.

Base it on what you want for you. It sounds like you want it. If you hadn't you wouldn't have posted here.

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/09/2017 14:24

If you'd enjoy the project, if it would be good for your career and you don't mind your DD being in childcare for those 3 days a week then I'd go for it. If you'd rather be at home with your DD for longer and would rather return to work when planned then turn it down.

If you want to take it, can you realistically find childcare at short notice? Can your DP take holiday/time off to cover any time until you can get childcare?

Bisquick · 04/09/2017 14:26

How good is your baby at napping? A dear friend of mine is in a similar situation and is making it work by working around baby's naptimes and when her DH is at home. It's almost impossible I think to work while the baby is awake and you're providing sole care.

But the opportunity sounds fabulous. And congrats - you must be very good at what you do to receive such an opportunity!

Trills · 04/09/2017 14:27

Are you feeling like you want to, but you're worried you'll be judged for going back to work when you don't have to?

Or are you feeling like you don't want to, but you're worried you'll be disadvantaged for not taking up this opportunity to advance your career?

Trills · 04/09/2017 14:28

As a mother you'll be judged no matter what you do, so if both options are affordable and achievable you should just go for the one you think you WANT to do.

Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 14:33

Penggwn I enjoy being at home with DS but I am a bit bored sometimes to be honest! I have been daydreaming about going back to work sooner but never really thought about it seriously!

Idonteven it is a career that I'm keen on and I can see myself in this for awhile.
that's good to know that your dc was fine without you for 7 hours.

There will be no way I could work and look after him at the same time. It would be unfair on DS as well.

I'm thinking the only way I can make this work is by getting a nanny but clearly that might be a bit difficult given the timescales. My work has emergency childcare which I may be able to use while I get more permanent childcare for DS.

OP posts:
Pigface1 · 04/09/2017 14:34

I think it depends entirely on what YOU want to do. If you don't want to, then you shouldn't. If you do want to, then you should.

Admittedly though, the role sounds great.

Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 14:35

Trills it's more whether my DS will be fine without me and whether I'm ready to go back to work. I don't really care about being judged either way because as you said, women get judged regardless!! 😂

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Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 14:37

Pig face but how do I know??? I am actually quite keen but I feel guilty every time I look at DS. Sad

Or do all working mummies get this??

OP posts:
Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 14:39

And if I go back to work early then decide it's not for me, what does that mean in terms of mat leave entitlement?? I guess I will be stuck then back at work??

OP posts:
backOffSunshine · 04/09/2017 14:43

Or do all working mummies get this??

Everyone I've spoken to has

ineedwine99 · 04/09/2017 14:44

Personally i would go for it. As much as i adore my daughter i was really looking forward to getting back to work at around the 6 month mark, i went back at 7 and half months after giving my husband some of my maternity allowance. She was totally fine being with her dad and has been fine at nursery too, she loves nursery!
Sounds a great role being over 3 days and flexible :-)

BoredOnMatLeave · 04/09/2017 14:50

I would 100% do it but as my name suggests I found it hard staying at home. 3 days a week isn't much, you would still be with your DS 4 full days plus mornings and evenings. And to be honest your DS won't have any feelings about you being gone, just happy when you are there.

flownthecoopkiwi · 04/09/2017 14:50

I'd do it, you can use child care for half the days, and work in evening etc if you need to. Good luck on finding childcare tho!

Wallywobbles · 04/09/2017 14:50

I'd snatch this opportunity. In France standard parental leave is 13 weeks so honestly your baby will be fine. You'll be fine.

Leavingonajet · 04/09/2017 15:03

Obviously there isn't one right decision, only what is right for you. It sounds like a really good opportunity though. Guilt about going back to work is pretty usual regardless of when you do it. I took a year off and then went back part time, my DC had really bad separation anxiety at first. My DS went back after six months and her dd took to nursery really smoothly. I always though if I did it again I would copy her example. Talk it through with your DH and do what feels right for you.

Theromanempire · 04/09/2017 15:09

6 months used to be the normal now so long ago (DS is 11 and 6 months paid mat leave was the legal entitlement). People used childcare from 6 months onwards and the children (and parents) coped. I think that because the legal entitlement to mat leave has increased, it makes people feel they should stay off for 12 months but actually it depends on your circumstances.

If you want to work, then work (but yes, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you cannot restart your mat leave Sad).

eurochick · 04/09/2017 16:13

Have you considered using shared parental leave for your husband to take some time with the baby?

cheminotte · 04/09/2017 16:17

Can you use your keep in touch days for the first 3 weeks (3 per day) and still get maternity leave for a little longer? Does it really have to start next week? If they were getting an external candidate they could expect to wait 4 weeks for them to hand in notice. Your ds will be fine - I went back after 6 months with ds1 and was ready from about 4 months tbh.

RidingMyBike · 04/09/2017 16:22

It sounds like you'd like to do it? Why not investigate the childcare available and see if it is feasible?

I took the full year off with DD and regretted not going back sooner- I was very bored and depressed on maternity leave. I am much happier back at work and enjoy my time with her much more now. I work three days a week which is, I think, a wonderful balance.

hopsalong · 04/09/2017 16:34

Unless you secretly don't want to, I'd go back. I went back three days a week when DS1 was six months and it was definitely the best thing. He was still spending a lot of time with me and was also blissfully content at nursery (where he started eating solid foods brilliantly too). By a year it became harder to leave him because separation anxiety was starting to set in -- for me this would have been one of the worst times to go back to work. After a year and once he could walk well he seemed to become content again. I still remember those months from 6 months to 1 as a kind of oasis of work/ home balance.

From the career perspective, I was also able to do / achieve various things that would have been impossible if I'd been away for longer, and more out of the loop.

Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 17:00

Romanempire yes I think you're exactly right, I feel like I have to take 12 months because that is the max I can take.

The truth is if I had to go back full time or working in an office from 8-6 all day, then I think 12 months would probably be the right call for me.

But because this opportunity is for me to be able to work from home, i think I can make it work. If I get a nanny, then she will be able to do the day to day care while I work. But I can still see him and breastfeed if needs be during the day.

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Original poster
chewiecat · 04/09/2017 17:03

Cheminote yes that's a good idea, I will suggest using my kit days to start with first and see how it goes from there.

Euro shared parental is not an option for my DH unfortunately, his career would suffer as his manager is very old fashioned

OP posts:
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