People can't make decisions

[Ribrabrob]

I work in a public service type role. Part of my role involves asking people a fairly simple, straightforward questions with two options. Both options have a slightly different process however the outcome is exactly the same and I always reiterate this, but some people seem to think it's the hardest question in the world!

They um, they ah, they bring their family over to discuss, some even phone a friend. Some people take aaaaaages to decide leaving a huge queue of people behind them.

It doesn't annoy me actually, but I must admit it does leave me a bit bemused and think about human nature and why we find decisions - even tiny ones - so hard. It's as though we aren't designed to like choice and when it's given to us, we freeze.

Aibu to think that a lot of people find decisions really hard? Aibu to set up a timer and give these people a time limit to decide ?

DP does this when I ask him if he wants a cup of tea. Drives me mad. I end up snapping 'Too late' when we get to around 30 seconds. Can't they all have the question as a handout in the queue and then they'd have done all their discussions before they get to you?!

I think my dh was brought up to say 'i don't mind' to any decision. In some families it is rude to express your wishes and especially for children to want things and say so. DRIVES ME CRAZY. In my family you make a decision and it's rude to make the other person do the work.

If you offer a third option for you to choose for them it might help.

Maryof1993

I'd need to know 'pack years' so 20 a day for 10 years is 10 pack years. It is added to other data for a pulmonary function test - basically assessing how well your lungs are working.

You also need height, weight, sex and race. For one patient we had to use the male setting because although she was female she had started life male and the surgery doesn't change your lungs.

Lung capacity (how much air you can get into your lungs) depends on all those things.

Men usually have a larger lung capacity than women. On the race front generally if you are black you will have a larger lung capacity than if you are white and if you are white you will have a greater lung capacity than if you are Asian.

If you have smoked for 20 years your 'normal' will not be the same as 'normal' for a non smoker.

I find decision making difficult, and more so when I'm going through a particularly stressful time. It's almost too much for my brain to cope with. It causes more stress, which makes everything harder etc. I don't know why this happens. It's not major decisions either. It could be deciding what to buy in Sainsbury for dinners.

I've stood in the middle of the shop saying, I can't do this.

Not everyone is a faffer. Some are struggling already without having to make further choices.

My SIL is a chronic "I don't mind" person. I realised long ago that, when I'm with her, I am doing her a positive favour by making all the decisions. And therefore every time I will make a decision in favour of what I personally want; there is just no point in trying to second guess what she might prefer, and I refuse to feel guilty if she doesn't like what I chose.

'i say refuses rather than cant because i genuinely believe this behaviour is passive agressive , an attempt to avoid responsibility/put the burden on others so they can be blamed if it isnt 100% perfect and some sort of test'

Totally agree. My mother and MIL are like this - will not make a decision but expect you to be some sort of mind reader and figure out what they want really. It's extremely tedious and tiring and I think it's (subconsciously) meant to be that way. Communicating an actual decision would just be too bloody helpful!

There are some adults that you have to treat like very small children. as in you don't offer them choices!
I tell one of my friends now where and when's we're meeting for a coffee. She's has form for dithering!! Life is too short for all this nonsense.

Does anyone find that faffers also have an inability to turn up anywhere on time?

Could you offer them a coin, and let them do "heads or tails" ?

sashh

I think perhaps what you need to do is give them the list of questions in advance, the reasons why you want to know the correct answer, what problems it will cause if they give an incorrect answer, and what happens to the information - is it only used for the pulmonary test, or does it get connected with any other information from other sources? Otherwise an appointment with me would take ages while I question you, wait for your answers, then consider my response.