To want to run away

[dimondjedi9]

I feel like I could just pack up a bag and leave right now. My son is experiencing awful mental health problems, we have seen a paediatrician and CAMHS but because he is 10 1/2 they are arguing that the other is responsible for diagnosing, medicating him. His behaviour has become so extreme, he regularly smashes things, runs out/jumps out the window etc. He has taken to attacking me, I'm in poor health and he is taking advantage of the fact that I cannot defend myself, my daughter filmed him attacking me so we could show how bad things really are. They told me to call the police and have him arrested but I just can't, even when he is punching and kicking me I cannot bring myself to ring them, it is breaking my heart. His 18 year old brother has mental health problems too, he no longer lives with us as his behaviour became unmanageable, he attacked both his younger brother and older sister.
I'm trying to get and EHCP assessment done but everything is taking so long, I feel a complete failure and am so depressed.
I don't recognise my boy, he desperately needs help but I have to wait whilst the two agencies argue over who is responsible for his care, it's just a crap situation. I know some will call me selfish but the other day I found myself looking at my antidepressants and wondering if I took the lot would I be able to escape my awful situation. I don't know how to help my son and the worst thing is I am scared of him, he is tall and stocky and so strong, I am no match for him. I can't remember the last time I had a proper nights sleep, I'm always awake between 3/4am worrying. He is only on a part time timetable which the LA have agreed to extend past 8 weeks because he cannot cope, he shouldn't be in mainstream and the longer he is there the further behind he is becoming, I'm dreading him going back on Tuesday! Does anyone have any advice? The system seems different than when I went through it all 7 years ago.

This sounds so stressful, and I'lm sorry for you all.

Are you hoping for a change of school placement? Is there any possibility of an SEMH school place? The PT mainstream
Timetable doesn't sound like it's doing anyone any favours - has he been on this for a while already?

i also wondered whether there had been a multidisciplinary meeting between school, CAMHS and your paediatrician? It sounds like no one is really holding your son's case, and that's not helpful in progressing anywhere. Sorry for lots of questions - I know that this is a really difficult time for you.

Hi. Firstly you are doing really well. I have two sons with similar issues. The oldest spent time in hospital due to mental health issues but is now at uni, the youngest can be aggressive and unpleasant. I was in tears this weekend and I have health problems too.

I am here if you want to chat :)

Camhs need to step up with medication for him. Ask to see the psychiatrist and then he can be given something. You do have to be pushy with them as you probably know. Everything is a battle and you just don't feel equipped.

Secondly eight hours is not enough. Is he excluded? He is entitled to a full education. The lea cannot just wash their hands of him. If the school he is at doesn't work then they should be looking for the alternative. Consider all options.

I am sending you hugs though. I know how hard it is.

No words, just hugs.

Thank you for all the advice, I have to wait until this EHCP assessment has been done, they have my part but are waiting on the appendix 2 from the school. The senco went to a LIFT meeting to discuss him before they broke up for summer.
He had already been on a PT timetable for 8 weeks prior to breaking up, then we had a big meeting at school with the LA, senco, head and early help.
It's scary going through this all over again, it's so sad because he doesn't have any friends and is never invited to parties or to tea anywhere. Despite his aggression he can be really sweet and sensitive, I believe he has a lot of anxiety, he's a perfectionist and is his own biggest critic.
Out of my friends only one can understand how I'm feeling because she is going through something similar but her son is much older. We have been waiting almost 5 months for something to get sorted, my older son was on concerta xl and respiridone, I don't know if medication is the answer but something needs to happen. He is such a sad boy, I wish I could help him. I spend most days ringing around chasing people but just get passed from pillar to post.

I am hoping that once assessed he will be able to go to a specialist school, he is so clever and an amazing artist, I want him to go somewhere he can be nurtured and reach his full potential.

Also the way that some of the mums treat me is awful, like it's my fault my son is like he is, the way they look down their nose at me is really upsetting because they haven't a clue what it's like to have a child like that!

Sounds like the summer holidays slowed everything down, and probably made everything feel difficult for your son too - difficult to maintain any sense of routine in the holidays isn't it?

I hope the school make his EHCP work a priority for this term, and that you get some responses quickly. I know that this is extremely tiring for an stressful for you. You're doing a wonderful job. Please keep a note of all the calls you make, and their outcome - so that you can demonstrate the need for some more joined up thinking and someone to hold on to his case overall.

I work a lot with SEMH schools and it's wonderful to see how children who are anxious and stressed by mainstream can thrive. It sounds like your boy has a lot of positives and skills, and it will be great for him to be in an environment where he can see them too, and develop his confidence and abilities.

I'm sorry the other mums are not supportive. You're right - they don't know what it's like, and it's unfair to make you feel excluded and isolated. I know many parents who've had just the same experience, and start to feel that it must be their fault too. You're doing all the things you can - I hope for quicker progress this term.