Nasty FIL

[shesgrownhorns]

I won't bore you with all the details, but basically it became shockingly apparent that my FIL hates me. He is a megalomaniac, sexist, racist you name it fascist general bigot etc etc. An all round unpleasant character. Last month I told him about something I was planning, just making conversation with the old bastard really) and he just lost his shit with me. Went bananas. Husband heard it all and went bananas at him, I'm crying, FIL tells me I'm a liar and I'm lying to my husband (I'm not, and I'm not) It was all really horrible.

There is no doubt that I am owed an apology. So is my husband. He has 'asked to see' my husband and made a lame attempt to break the ice. I have not seen him since and I'm not missing him.

But, it's my husbands birthday this week, and we always have a family meal out somewhere. I have no desire to pass the pepper to the old tosser in fact when I next see him again it will be too soon. But is that unreasonable? My husband and kids shouldn't suffer, they love the meals out. Should I just rise above it, invite everyone and just ignore the evil twat?

Interestingly it has just dawned on me that of all their children's wedding photos that they have in the house, every other one is of the happy couple, whilst ours is just a picture of my husband and the PILs! Am I being paranoid? After his vitriolic rant at me I can now quite envisage him refusing to have a picture of me in his house!

I seriously have done nothing to inflame this man, other than not being good enough for his precious son.

I'm at a loss over what to do here! Please help!

Feel free to ask questions if more clarity is needed, just didn't want to bore everyone.

I'm going to arrange a meal out just our little family :) Thank you all for your time in replying it has been so helpful x

Thank you Yorkshire. That's how I feel really, I don't want to break bread with him. I don't want to listen to him talk about how great Trump is (yes really) and have to foot the bill at the end of the night to boot!

I gave mil and fil a few years of 'chances' with me. Suffice to say had it been anyone else, including DH and my own parents acting the way il's did, I would have lost my shit way earlier. I knew all about their bigoted, racist, sexist, judgemental ways within weeks of meeting dh and was itching to call them out on their behaviour for months and didn't - because I love dh and didn't want discord.

Inevitably familiarity caused me to start voicing my point of view, more and more so. I was always the one to smooth things over but one day I said to dh that this would be the last time I made the peace and next time we fell out, that would be it.

Needless to say mil and I did have a monumental fall out shortly after. That was 10 years ago. We've never spoken. Dh calls to see them every week and sometimes makes ds go with him - but it's the best decision I ever made to go nc. My life was so stressful and I was waiting for the next awful comment. They seemed to have hateful things to say about everyone that wasn't like them and it was utterly draining.

Please please do not spend any more of your life putting up with it. Dh can do it alone. My dh is so lovely I have zero clue how he was brought up by them and managed to be so normal!