My four year old is so challenging sometimes I feel stumped.
He's got brilliant language, been speaking in sentences since 15 months ergo he can tell us what he wants well.
We use loads of positive reinforcement of any good behaviour which there is plenty of as well.
We give him small choices, another common recommendation.
I ignore minor behaviours, again per normal advice and never physically chastise.
Since he was about three there has been regular occasions of pure defiance and rudeness that don't seem to change at all despite all of the above.
Today was a horrendous example, we went to a local zoo/farm attraction and the day itself was lovely, no issues. On the way out he wanted some utterly overpriced piece of tat (exit is through shop or would avoid). It was something he would forget about and wasn't even really a toy. I offered a compromise of a small plastic animal (would add to a play set he has and be of use, also was about a quarter of the cost). There was lots of we need to be careful with pennies so we can do nice things like this etc, so clear explanation.
He kicked off ridiculously argued loudly, said we were mean and was rude, so his brother got a little plastic animal and he got nothing. He had to be carried to the car and proceeded to scream for the 40 minute journey back. He was the rude and argumentative for two more hours!!
The penalties were not responding unless he was being polite and being firmly informed he would have thinking time alone if he didn't calm down.
Is this normal?? I'd say three hour periods of defiance are probable a weekly occurrence with every other day involving shorter periods of rudeness.
Consequences are simple, I don't answer unless it's his 'nice voice'. He doesn't get anything he asks for without please and thinking time. I'm miserable and tearing my hair out with stress. Tia