Desperate- please help- depression.

[notsureifimbeingur]

Posing for traffic as I am desperate.

Hello I am hoping someone can help me. My husband has chronic fatigue syndrome and can usually cope with this. Recently however his work has become very stressful and his symptoms have become much worse, with depression featuring heavily most days. We are due our first child in November, and at the rate we are going, I can see myself having to look after an ill husband and a newborn. He was on antidepressants before but had horrible side effects and he is very reluctant to go back on anything like that again, I have suggested St Johns Wort as an alternative, but he has been on this before with little effect. We have tried healthy eating, exercise, meditation, acupuncture, reiki, massages, multivitamins, hair-samples sent away, to find out any allergies/lacks in his body, natural herbal remedies, doctors tests (always come back clear.) He has been signed off work before but sitting about at home made the depression worse.

We are at the end of our tether and desperately need help before the baby comes and would love some advice of other things that helped depression/CFS in anyone else.

Please help

Thank you

Counselling?
Especially CBT.

I have no advice to give but I am watching with interest to see if anyone has any good advice as my husband is struggling with similar issues and it is absolutely hellish. I am sorry you are going through this when you have a new arrival on the way, the pressure you must be feeling to keep everything going must be immense.

Has your DH tried any alternative antidepressants as I understand they are all quite different?

My DH is refusing to even consider them at the moment.

Agree that different meds will have different side effects, he is most likely able to find one he can tolerate. I know it's a painful process finding the right meds, I was on four different ones last year, the last one saved my life.

CBT is good, but personally I found it worked best once the meds had kicked in. At my lowest point, I wasn't able to engage with the CBT.

There are hundreds of different anti-depressants which generally fall into 2 groups I believe

Tricyclic (old style which I am on and have literally saved my life)

Ssri (new style like Prozac which were originally seen as miracle drugs but we know now don't work for everyone)

He needs to see a GP with a genuine interest in mh. Who is open to trying different things as most will just go with SSRI's almost exclusively.

I would also recommend joining online forum for CFS as its a very difficult condition to manage but sufferers of a condition will in my opinion generally know better than a GP as they have daily experience.

It takes time and experimentation to find the right anti depressant. What I'm on now was 4th I tried and a godsend.

What was he on before?

CBT works well if you're at the right point and get the right counsellor.

But the thing that makes the most difference in my experience is exercise. I know it's hard to get started but strong rigorous exercise is the best natural mood lifter.

But would he be willing to try it out? It's hard to motivate yourself when you are depressed. Even a few mins jogging in the spot with high knee lifts might make a difference, but boxing or those types of classes make a huge difference. There aren't many occasions when a man gets to use all of his strength and realising pent up fear and anxiety physically is a good thing to do.

But the thing that makes the most difference in my experience is exercise. I know it's hard to get started but strong rigorous exercise is the best natural mood lifter.

Strong rigourous exercise can make CFS/ME much worse.

op CBT helped me to accept being physically limited and pace properly. The only thing that really helped was massively reducing my work hours until I started to feel better.

Mindfulness helps me. Has he had his vit D checked? Just getting out the house daily also helps me, even if it's just with a blanket and a book to read.

Sympathising as my DH is currently struggling with depression. Finally persuaded him to go to the gp and they gave sertraline as well as referring for CBT. The sertraline gave awful side effects, but does seem to be helping a bit 3+ weeks later.
Its hard work being wife of a depressed person

www.cytoplan.co.uk/adrenal-support-adrenal-fatigue-supplement?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-6XRsaKJ1gIV7bXtCh3oGwqQEAQYASABEgIsTvD_BwE

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Karen Carman is superb too

Has he had a proper referral for his CFS? It's very debilitating I am not surprised you are both struggling. Has he had his thyroid checked? You should ensure that his TSH and T4 are checked as a minimum. My hypothyroidism was only diagnosed when my T4 was checked and it was low. Have a look at the Thyroid UK forum on the health unlocked website and post your query there. They will tell you exactly what yo test to make sure it is definitely ruled out. Should also get key nutrients checked like B12, vit d, folate and ferritin. Thyroid problems and vit deficiencies can cause symptoms similar to CFS and are often underdiagnosed. Do not accept "normal" from your GP, do your own research (and testing if necessary). I would never have my first diagnosis if I'd just gone with what my GP told me.

Re antidepressants as others have said there are a number of different types. I was tried on an SSRI first which, like your husband, gave me loads of symptoms. A tricyclic just made me sleep all the time. So then I was offered Mirtazapine, an NaSSA and that worked really well for me. Took a number of months though to get to the right medication and right dose but worth it in the end. CBT and mindfulness may also help. I needed all three to get where I am today which is pretty much depression and anxiety free.

Mindfulness is amazing and was first used in patients with chronic pain so helpful for those suffering from long term illnesses. It may also help you manage too as you must be struggling under the pressure of all this.

GP should be able to offer alternative meds, referral to CBT and a mindfulness referral.

Has he been referred to occupational health? I've had loads of help from access to work too. Not CFS but similar. Agree with purple that running headlong into strenuous exercise could be disastrous.

Thank you for all your replies, he is a little better tonight after a restful day.

I will try to answer all your questions.

He has had his thyroid levels and vitamin levels checked as far as I know, and came back clear.

He has tried CBT before but didn't keep it up, although it did help at the time, if I remember. I think once he started to feel a bit better he stopped it, rather than continuing on with it. Maybe he needs to continue with it for a bit longer.

He was on sertraline (sp?) and I think diazepam for anxiety as well, but they had horrible side effects.

His job is in the offshore/sonar equipment related sector, can't say anymore without being too outing, but he does generally enjoy the actual work he does, it's unfortunately the people he works with that are causing him the stress. And to go to speak to them about it all would add to his stress levels, he feels.

Has anyone had much success with yoga? We haven't tried that yet.

Also if you don't mind explaining what side effects you had whilst on different medications, and which ones you are on now that have little/no side effects?

He is reluctant to go back on anything again, as it really made him feel so much worse last time, and he had a horrendous time coming off them.

We have a plan to be really strict with his diet now and introducing little exercises (perhaps yoga) into his routine, to see if he can get himself out of this before November.

Thanks for all your help.

If the work he does is what and where I think (I understand why you cannot say).

Then a lack of vitamin d and certain b vitamins and minerals will almost certainly a factor. In addition certain chemicals he may be exposed to. He needs to document this properly. For his own diagnosis and treatment AND a possible future compensation claim.

I think the CFS may be a misdiagnosis. I recommend you contact those involved in the fight for true recognition of gulf war syndrome there are strong similarities.

My grandfather had severe PTSD and depression from his military service. To be honest, I don't know what the cure is because the factors seem to be so external... I also struggle with severe anxiety due to this.

Don't like someone or group of people? - call them a terrorist, target/stir up the vulnerable and wipe them out. The sort who do this crap will never change.

Thyroid and vitamin levels being "fine" is not enough. You need to get the results with ranges. It maybe he is low in range and this can cause lots of symptoms. Also worth getting T4 and T3 checked as well as TSH as this can help identify thyroid issues not diagnosable from TSH alone. If you want more info on this let me know. But I would take a look at the Thyroid UK website as a starting point. It has lots of info on thyroid and vitamin deficiencies. In the UK you aren't treated for hypothyroidism until your TSH is your over 4.2-5. In other countries it is treated when over 3. I have hypothyroidism and I have certainly felt awful since my TSH was over 3. Had to wait months and months for it to get bad enough to be diagnosed and get medication. There are some people who think that CFS is undiagnosed hypothyroidism. Not sure it's that simple but symptoms are very similar (and for vitamin deficiencies) so please make sure you've definitely ruled that out. And don't accept what your doctor tells you blindly. Do your own research, get your test results and find out what they mean. Then work with your doctor to get the treatment you need. You need to be your own advocate. I would not be diagnosed/medicated now if I hadn't done that.

Side effects wise. I got almost every side effect on the medication leaflet from the SSRI including suicidal thoughts, sexual dysfunction and sleep problems. The tricyclic made me sleep 14 hours a day. With Mirtazapine I don't think I had any side effects. I took it for a few weeks and after 2 I think it started to make me feel better, my dose was then increased over the next couple of months until my symptoms had dissipated.

Agree that he needs a to carry on with the CBT (practising it even if not still having appts). Similarly with mindfulness. You have to keep doing it to change your thoughts/neural pathways.

I personally believe with depression it needs a multipronged attack. CBT/mindfulness, possibly medication, diet and exercise. Definitely make sure sleep and rest is a priority. Sleep is do important for health. Watch too rigid or restrictive a diet as that can be stressful and depressing and can impair your gut microbiome long term which can cause lots of health issues research is now finding.

In fact that's something else you can explore - improving the microbiome. Easy way to get a quick summary - read Michael Mosley' book The Clever Guts diet. Could also try gluten free as there is evidence for a link between gluten sensitivity and CFS.

You really must get him a referral to a CFS specialist. It's a difficult and long term illness that can take ages to recover from. Not something to be dealt with by a GP.

Another one here who tried various ADs - some had no impact (no side affects, but no help either), some had such bad side effects it was worse than the depression they were supposed to cure. Ended up on Mirtazapine - no side effects at all (possibly because you take them at night) but have definitely helped. Mirtazapine is not an SSRI or tricyclic - it seems to be in a category of its own - so he may well not have the same side effects on it that he experienced on his previous ones.