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in being SUPER pissed off that 'care' have wasted 2 of my SILs precious embryoes???

25 replies

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 20:19

My MIL is being a surrogate for my SIL,

MIL has just visited and we chatted about it,

turns out they were the last IVF 'couple' (SILs DH is a copper in London so wasnt there) of the day on a friday night and were being rushed about,

2 embies had been 'defrosted' and they arrived and MIL was preped -- then a nurse came and said 'look weve been running late all day so were gonna have our lunch - would you mind going back upstairs to the waiting room(!!)'

which they did.

after the team had their lunch they told MIL/SIL that one of the eggs had 'gone under' (not made it defrosting and died) so they would need to take out another one out to make up the pair, (fair enough) and it takes 20 minutes for it to defrost.

but what they ACTULLY did was take out 3

the 3 embies defrosted perfectly but only 1 could be put in - so two perfectly good embies were thrown away MIL begged for them to put an extra one in but they wouldnt - those are my SILs babies

this really upset them because now theres only 1 embie left in the freezer if this round doesnt work!

MIL said they were all rushing and pushing and that as soon as they left the building the whole team ran out into taxis and mustve been going out together.

thing is --- they couldve taken 1 embie out, waited 20 mins and if it didnt thaw then take another out, that was they would limit the wastage,

but MIL is convinced they didnt want to wait 'multiple 20 mins, ie if the first perished they didnt want to wait another 20 mins tp see if the next was ok

so they took out 3 of them and wasted 2!!

now if this cycle doesnt work she only has 1 egg and if that doesnt thaw she will have to undergo a whole new cycle of egg retreival costing thousands!!!

im SOOOO pissed off

i think she should complain!

OP posts:

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 20:19

PS this was all done privatly, not NHS

OP posts:

AnAngelWithin · 02/04/2007 20:20

i would complain


CarGirl · 02/04/2007 20:21

as they are paying for it privately - YES - next round of collection etc FOC


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 20:22


OP posts:

CristinaTheAstonishing · 02/04/2007 20:24

Oh, definitely complain. How generous of your MIL to help out.


CarGirl · 02/04/2007 20:25

Free of charge


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 20:27

oh right, yes i agree

i doubt they would just offer it though, will probably have to get legal for anything like that to come about!

OP posts:

Ladymuck · 02/04/2007 20:30

It is fairly standard operating proceedure to have 3 embryos per straw (or at least it was 3 years ago). Once you take a straw out then all three embryos would be thawed. In some respects this gives them a better chance as the "best" would be selected.

That said we did specifically request that our embryos were stored individually on straws. But only once we knew that that was contrary to standard operating procedure.

I hope that this cycle works for your SIL/MIL.


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 20:35

but shouldnt she have been told that they were taking 3? or asked what she would like to do?

they said one, but then when they returned the said they had taken out 3

OP posts:

Ladymuck · 02/04/2007 20:43

Thinking about it, if she has one left she must have had at least one straw with only one embryo on it.

Certainly the clinic should have discussed their practice with your SIL - probably initially when the embryos were being stored rather than on the day of transfer. Usually the clinics are concentrating on increasing your chances for the current cycle rather than having too much thought to what happens beyond.


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 02/04/2007 21:16

but it just seems totally ridiculous to thaw 3 at once instead of one at a time

OP posts:

thethirdwiseeasterbunny · 02/04/2007 23:26

what a great MIL, you've got, that's outrageous though I'd definitely complain.


SparklyGothKat · 02/04/2007 23:52

so 4 embryos made it through the defrosting process but only 1 was used? Or am I reading that right. Was 1 or 2 put in?
I think its terrible and I would complain.


Linnet · 02/04/2007 23:57

Why did they only implant 1 if they defrosted 3?

Are they not allowed to implant more than one at a time? Or were the other two not viable, not sure if that's the right word to use here.

I would complain.


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 03/04/2007 09:08

no they defrosted 2, then one of them went under - so they said they would defrost another to make up the pair (2)

then they took 3 out, all defrosted fine, but they one only put one of those ones back in because there was another one already defrosted from before - so 2 went back inand 2 were thrown away

OP posts:

Ladymuck · 03/04/2007 09:13

Is there any possibility that by getting this via MIL you are not getting all of the facts? If the remaining embryos were of less quality (embryos are graded on a number of criteria), then they may well have wanted to defrost more than one in order to pick the best.

I'd chat to SIL and get her to chat to the embryologist so that she can understand better what happened. Thens he can decide if she wants to complain or not.


LowFatMilkshake · 03/04/2007 09:22

I would complain - even if what they did is with the number of embryos is standard practice - I have no knowledge of that.

The fact your MIL and SIL was being rushed and pushed and as soon as they were done the whole place cleared as if on a night out is very bad. No time was taken to explain things or answer questions which is very poor. Especially for a private clinic, they have taken the moeny they should provide a service.

for you MIL and SIL.

Hope it works for your SIL, and what a lovely MIL


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 03/04/2007 09:22

it was MIL having them put in her womb as a surrogate, she wasn't just there for support, she was fully involved and fully aware of what was going on

OP posts:

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 03/04/2007 09:37

she is wonderful LFMS, i love her to pieces

OP posts:

3easterbunniesandnomore · 03/04/2007 09:39

no experience of this, but sounds like awful practice and yes, I think they should complain!
Well, crossing all I have for them, that it worked this time, and therefore it won't have any implications for them anyway...but that is still not the point!


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 03/04/2007 09:40


i just think even if it is standard practice to defrost 3 surely they shouldve discussed it instead of saying one was being taken out then finding out that 3 had instead,

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EHM · 03/04/2007 09:46

kitty so sorry to hear about your SIL's embryos. She must be devasted, although this probably isn't a strong enough word to describe how she must be feeling. What a truely wonderful MIL you have. I hope with all my heart the process works for your SIL. I have experience of IVF although I & can only try to imagine how both your SIL, her DH & your MIL must be going though right now. This process is so hard regardless of this happening. I am sending lots of {{{hugs}}} & postive Vibes to your family.I wish them all the luck in the world.


EHM · 03/04/2007 09:50

I agree kitty that the clinic should have clearly stated how many they intended to defrost prior to proceeding to ensure that your SIL/DH where happy with this. Although I think it is normal for a clinic to defrost 3 embryos if you have 3 to defrost. My clinic defrosted 3, 1 sadly perished the other 2 survived the thawing process & where transfered that day. They also said if the 3 had not survived the process they would only defrost further embryos with out agreement & we would then decided how many.
Again I wish your sil/dh/mil all the luck in the world.


KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 10:48

it didnt work MIL started bleeding thois morning

OP posts:

sleepysooz · 09/04/2007 15:50

keep hoping, we never got to freeze any of ours, I only had 1 embryo replaced and it worked, so don't loose faith yet, but a very sad time for you atm, good luck!

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