Hi I've namechanged for this but am a longtime member.
I have 2 friends who Ill call Amy and Lucy.
I have been friends with Amy a very long time and she is one of my best friends.
I know Lucy through Amy and we have been friends for around 7 years.
Amy's background us that her father left when she was at a very vulnerable age because he was threatened by the husband of the woman he was having an affair with.
Amy did not see her father for 6 months and had no idea if he was dead or alive.
He then went onto marry another woman and treat her dc as his own., putting them before Amy and indeed her half sister( he had been married before he met Amy's mum). This has left Amy with issues and she has had years of counselling to try and come to terms with this. I believe it has also led to her having extremely low boundaries with regards to relationships.
Her first husband was controlling and violent although she never told me this until they were divorcing. Although she is a good friend and gives advice she has a tendency to minimise her own relationship problems.
After leaving her husband she entered straight away into a long relationship with someone else. Again she didn't admit to me what he was really loud until she left him. During this time and unbeknown to anyone other than Lucy, she was having an affair with a young her man who lived with his dp. When she told me I advised her that it would never work and he was using her for sex. She was adanamnt that although it would never amount to anything he wasn't using her and did love her.
Within 2 months of splitting from her dp she met her current partner. Within 7 months she had moved into his house and they got engaged. He seems very nice but there are a couple of things people face said to me about him.
He had never been married and had no children. Although he had mentioned to her he would like them to have one even if it means a surrogate mother, she is almost 50!
When I was single I dated a man who it turns out used to work with Amy's dp. His first words were he is a twat! I told him my friend was seeing him and he asked if she is younger than him as he ' always slept with the Yong women'. Another friend knows him, she is 10 years younger than him and told me that he used to date her friend when they were in 6th form. Her friend was 16 and he was 26.
Amy is 6 years older than her dp.
Now Amy is currently on holiday planning her wedding to her dp.
I went out with Lucy who is single and Lucy said she had something to tell me
Amy had sent her details of good dating sites, Amy has never used one though, anyway Lucy has joined one of these you have to pay and she has seen Amy's dp on it.
It was last weekend he was active.
She had shown me it and it is definitely him,
I asked if she could tell when he joined but she can't,
Lucy says she was so shocked she is coming off the site and she is not going to be the one to tell Amy as she feels she will get shot down on flames.
I feel sick.
Amy rarely says anything bad about any of her partners. She tends to mimmimse alm their faults.
She did however tell me that for the last month her partner had shown no interest in having sex with her. She then told me that they had resolved the issue.
I don't know what to do as if he is seeing someone else/ looking for someone else then I don't want her to marry him!
On the other hand what if there is a valid explanation for all this?
Another point is Amy's dp has told her he doesn't want Lucy in his house even when he isn't there . I find this off to be honest. It is Amy's house now.
So she makes excuses to meet Lucy elsewhere.
Also Amy's dd is having problems where she lives but Amy has said she can't move in with her as it would drive her dp mad.
Amy and her dp both deleted their Facebook accounts when they got together too.
Part of the reason Amy moved in with her dp was to save money.
Amy says she is very happy and her dp is so different to all her other relationships.
Am I overreacting?
Could this be innocent?
I don't want to join the site as it is a paying site and also I have a dp.