So I was homeless when I was pregnant after breaking up with abusive ex - I was told I'd have to spend at least a year in a homeless hostel. It was the most horrible thing I'd ever gone through - I've lived in a young person's hostel at 16, so I'm not averse to a shit environment, but this was something else. Drug addicts trying to kick your door down at 3am every night in case you had a fiver lying around. ExP got on meds for his mental illness, convinced me this would solve things, I believed him, I couldn't have my daughter in that enivironment, I moved back.
Everything was lovely for a while. I started uni when my little girl was 5 months old (had deferred my place due to getting pregnant).
Dd's 2 now. I broke up with exP at Christmas due to his mental illness making him manic - he was using cocaine on a daily basis which excacerbated the mental stuff; he was paranoid and controlling and just absolutely horrible. I couldn't have my little girl around that, and eventually saw I deserved better too, so we broke up.
This past 8 months, he's been attacking all of his friends because he believes they've all been sleeping with me (catagorically untrue, I don't even know them!)
He's a very very violent man when he's in this state. Was arrested for GBH in March. Not 100% what happened with that, but I know he did it.
He's threatened to strangle me, I got a non mol against him. He's breached it a couple of times, the CPS recommend remand but the judge keeps saying no. Next court case isn't until October.
I'm terrified. I've been referred to the fire service, who are coming next week to protect my house from arson. I can't let my little girl sleep in her own room. I keep having panic attacks over stupid stuff when I'm convinced he's broken in. I suffer with anxiety anyway - this is really tipping me over the edge.
My DV worker tells me they're having a MARAC conference next week, which is when a whole bunch of professionals (police, probation, doctors, SS, housing etc) come together to decide how best to guarantee my safety. She said to make a list of wishes and feelings that they can present at the meeting.
I've been googling for the type of stuff to say (I really just want him out of our lives forever, but putting him in prison for a million years isn't something they can realistically manage).
So I want his pre sentence report to have a massive emphasis on engagement of MH/ drug services. Mentally well, and clean, he's just a pathetic little man. Mentally unwell, and high on crack cocaine, he's a highly dangerous person.
I want social services to stop forcing me to speak to him. It's shocking the things I've been ordered to do, even the police say it's really put me at risk.
But while I've been googling, I've found that DV victims who've had a MARAC are often moved up to band A for social housing.
I work my arse off, as well as studying 24/7, and looking after a 2 year old, to keep our lovely home. It is lovely. But my little girl can't sleep in her room, I'm terrified, he's made threats to others that if they send him to jail he will get them killed, so even if he goes to jail I'm not safe.
I can't move, his mum and dad are my guarantors and they say they won't be again due to this court case. It was a fluke I got this place - you have to earn £30k+ to rent somewhere private even with a guarantor in my area. I rent this house from an acquaintance. It's honestly impossible otherwise.
I've thought about a refuge, but I would be so sad to leave my family and my job and my university course.
So if I could get a council house, where he doesn't know I am, I couldn't imagine anything better. I can't lie; I'd love the attraction of a secure tenancy too.
BUT - I work, I will have a degree this time next year. Looking like I'll get first class honours so I should do ok in life. I'm 24 now, I've absolutely slaved my arse off from 7am - 12am every single day for the past 3 years to get what we've got. To go from being homeless with fuck all to having a wonderful toddler, a job, a lovely home and (nearly) a degree. Back when I was pregnant at 21 with nothing, I feel I was much more worthy. Now I'm doing ok. Apart from this massive shadow hanging over my head. A shadow that realistically one day might kill me.
But is that a big enough deal to deserve a council house over someone who's been living in a homeless hostel like the one I talked about earlier with their child for 3 years? As in, I do have a lovely home that I can just about afford.
Am I morally wrong to suggest this to be brought up for my meeting? I would honestly give up my tenancy in 3 years - that's the time i expect I'll be earning a good enough wage to rent alone. I'm not a bad person, when I don't need it anymore, I'll pass it to someone that does.
Sorry it's long - and please don't flame me. I'm already thinking about the fact it's immoral, I'm not deluded. I'd just love to feel safe.