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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Please Dad, fix the shower! :(

45 replies

JustAteenLivingonEarth · 02/09/2017 16:54

Hi, (this is my first post) I found mn and thought it would be ok to post here. I'm posting for adult opinions on this and I'd like to know whether or not AIBU.

For context, I live with both my parents (both in their 50's if this makes a difference & been married4over10yrs).
I'm 18, and pay housekeeping to my Mum each week. I go to college and have a 2 part time jobs - a paper round and I wash up in a busy restaurant.

About a year ago our shower broke in the bathroom. So instead of fixing it, we've got this shower spray attachment which hooks onto the bath taps. We have been using this ALL year.

No problem except I can't have a bath because the attachment is hard to get off and my Mum gets annoyed if I attempt to take it off.
It is only one part that needs replacing! I'd pay for it myself. We don't have a plumber because my Dad is the plumber and runs his own plumbing business.

He refuses to fix it because the "attachment has done wonders for the water bill". The house only has heating because after 6 years of living in the house my Aunt basically made him do it in front of her.

AIBU to want the proper shower fixing? :( Will I get to have a bath this year?
oops just realised i typed a lot...sorry.

OP posts:

Island35 · 02/09/2017 17:42

This sounds scarily familiar. We moved back with my parents as we move country and jobs and buying/selling houses as the same time would have sent me over the top. How about offering to pay the water bill instead of rent? My parents felt funny about taking money but paying a bill was ok. I opted for electricity as they had 'cheap' hours but these were when I was was at work and therefore using the washing machine and other electrical items was tricky. Them not seeing the bill took the problem away.

Binglesplodge · 02/09/2017 17:42

It sounds like the bathroom situation is pretty irritating but I'm surprised at all those suggesting you hire a plumber or attempt a repair yourself! Unfair as it seems, it's not your house and although it's annoying not to be able to have a high pressure shower you'd be unreasonable to make any changes that involve messing around with plumbing that you don't own...

Continue to respectfully discuss it with your parents but please don't get into making material changes to their bathroom.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/09/2017 17:43

I'd just get someone else to do it or do it myself.

OP's dad isn't fixing the shower because he likes saving on the water bill, it WBU to fix it without his agreement as he is the one paying the bill.

Original poster

JustAteenLivingonEarth · 02/09/2017 17:51

WeAllHaveWings I haven't yet, but I'll definitely ask. there never seems to be a right time (maybe not tonight though because we're watching X factor which he hates

WinterIsComing exactly what you said.
We've have however watched all the money saving programmes on freeview there possibly is (it v interesting)

OP posts:

Original poster

JustAteenLivingonEarth · 02/09/2017 18:04

wonders if I should call the rival plumber...
However, paying the water bill or part of it is a possibility though. Rather my money goes on that instead of the new additions of food I have noticed in the kitchen recently.

Weallhavewings I'm not one for diy. it will be left alone, mostly.

Bingle I see if I can find out which part it is, its a small little thing and apparently we had one but he used it for another job he did

OP posts:

Elendon · 02/09/2017 18:10

I understand this from both sides. If there is a water meter it really is a lot of money (it's no longer the saver it was). However, to not enjoy a bath now and again is a bit much.

It won't cost much to fix, especially if he is a plumber, but you have to understand that a bath each night is a luxury.

Compromise is the key to this solution.

Binglesplodge · 02/09/2017 18:10

Your parents are adults living in their own home: they're entitled to make new additions to the food in their kitchen without needing your approval!

I understand the bathroom is annoying you but it seems to me that if they wanted it fixed they'd have done it by now. If it's the only inconvenient thing about living very cheaply in their home I'd see it as the compromise you make.

BackieJerkhart · 02/09/2017 18:13

Hire a plumber and deduct 2/3 of the cost from what you pay in housekeeping.

AlphaStation · 02/09/2017 18:26

If you can't fix the problem (by nagging your dad, hiring a plumber, asking some friend or other relative to fix it, or read up on how to replace the shower yourself) then you'll have to put up with it. Take your pick!

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2017 18:29

You're going to fit in very well on MN for an 18yr old newbie.

It took me ages to master the art of bolding people's NN's when answering them, and to get all the lingo.

As for the shower problem, I suppose it's up to your parents whether they want to sort or leave it.

indulgentberries · 02/09/2017 18:36

If they can't afford it then they can't afford it. YABU to expect them to pay increased water bills if they can't afford it, I wonder if they haven't told you they can't but are just hinting at it with your dad's comments. I'd hate it if I was accused of being borderline abusive on MN for things I can't afford to get fixed.

abacuss · 02/09/2017 18:48

Oh for goodness sake, it was more the "no heating" as well as no shower combo that made question it, and people like that do exist. OP said it wasn't like that, so question answered. Sorry for offending people.

sizeofalentil · 03/09/2017 00:12

Hilarious how many posters are suggesting you save up and move out. What with college, housekeeping and your two jobs - in this current climate.

Same thing happened in my family home, weirdly, and my dad is also a tradesman. It's been 10 years + and it's still not fixed! My bedroom radiator broke too and he never got round to fixing it (although he showed me how to bleed a radiator) even when the wall used to freeze in winter. So, feel your pain.

Although he is being unreasonable there's not a lot you can do. And it's great training for when you go to uni or move in to a grotty house share.

Side note: can you fill the bath with the kettle?

BlackeyedSusan · 03/09/2017 00:25

buy a washing machine hose from a diy shop, attach to basin tap, fill bath. hide hose from your dad.

user1497997754 · 03/09/2017 09:48

When I was your age living in parents house...no heating....no shower....no washing machine.....no fridge....coal fire only....no telephone....no car....Lino on every floor in the house....bloody awful....left at 17 ....they still have no washing machine and have awful calor gas heater......they do however have a telephone so some progress has been made lol

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 03/09/2017 09:51

Blackeyesusan is a genius

BarbarianMum · 03/09/2017 09:52

£15 a week won't even keep you in bread and cheese. And if you are earning more than your dad, no wonder he worries about bills.

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 03/09/2017 09:55

Op can you start just coming home with groceries to help out? Or doing online orders if you have t got a car?

DopeOnARope · 03/09/2017 10:06

Do what Blackeyed Susan suggests!

I hear your frustration. My hippy liberal parents never had a lock on the bathroom door, and I felt mortally embarrassed when my girl friends came to stay ( as teens we all stayed at each other's houses a lot) as it was awkward for them with my Dad and brothers in the house.

In the end I did fit a bolt myself, including chiselling a bit out of the door jamb. It looked bad, but they didn't complain.

Could you say to your Dad that it is not filling the bath that is saving money and showers are really cheap to run, so could he use his plumbing skills to mend the proper shower together to teach you some skills?

I don't think most plumbing parts cost a lot per se, do they? Unless it is the whole electric shower thing.

nikkylou · 03/09/2017 10:12

It's perfectly reasonable to ask for it to be fixed. All this "its your parents house" is irrelevant, you live there too and can ask to have a working bath. Tradesmen seem terrible at actually maintaining their own houses...my dad is a locksmith and competent at DIY. Nothing is done in our house but heaven forbid you suggest calling someone in!!! Have a chat with your dad, establish if its the time it's going to take, the cost to fix it or the fear of the water bill increasing. Offer to help him at the weekend, paying for the parts from the shop or upping your contribution in a tangible way, not just another fiver, maybe paying the water bill, maybe offering to make dinner, buying the ingredients for a roast or something.

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