AIBU re potential beneficiaries of DH's life insurance

[MonkeyJumping]

DH is organising life insurance, and wants to list the beneficiaries as me, then our children. He's been advised to think about who to list as an extra beneficiary in case we all die together which is not a cheerful topic for a sunny Saturday.

Thing is....he wants to list his best friend, who is wealthy and has no dependants (well paying job, planning to stay in it long term, very clear he doesn't want children).

Ultimately if we all die (again, not cheerful at all) I'd like our assets to go to my siblings: one has serious disabilities and is unlikely to ever hold down a job or support themselves. The other has young children (my nieces obv!) and is in a job they love that pays ok but not great.

Would it be unreasonable to ask DH to list my siblings as beneficiaries? In case it makes a difference, I'm a SAHM and DH's job pays much better than anything I could have got so I feel a bit uneasy feeling as though I'm asking for money for my family.

It's not unreasonable to ask, it makes sense, but it is his decision I guess, however as a SAHM I think you should get more of a say maybe?

Maybe suggest some to his friend and some to your siblings?

Why don't you each choose what happens to 50%? I wouldn't be impressed if he chose to make a rich friend richer (and let's face it, they may not always be close friends) when your family (and by marriage, his family) would really benefit from the money.

You aren't being unreasonable at all, as a pp said, why make a rich person richer when a family member has a very uncertain future, as does anyone disabled nowadays.

Have you made a will?

Very really does everyone die at the same time, even if you die later, because of the same accident, you will have inherited.

Likewise your children could inherit then pass away and it will then go to a NOK.

I'm confused. Don't you both need life insurance? Even if you're a SAHM he'd need to cover childcare if anything happened to you. If it's a joint policy then you each pick someone.

take out your own life insurance? Why is he the only one being insured?

I deal with trustees allocating death in service funds in my work and in 25 years I have not come across a case where the whole family is wiped out

So you are exercising yourself over a very unlikely scenario

If he had nominated his friend and there were no other dependants yes the trustees could well allocate to him

However In cases where someone has no dependants the money usually goes to the parents, or to the estate, if different. Usually they would compensate the individual that would pay for the funeral, typically the parents

What does his will say?

Legally it is of course a benefit of his membership not yours so it's unlikely the trustees will investigate your family circs

In the event of a disaster clause, 60% goes to my dad and 40% to DH's mum. If they aren't around the same % goes to our respective siblings, DH only has 1 sibling, I have more so less for them. I'm not entirely happy with it either and I wouldn't like DH's family to get anything tbh, or 1 of my siblings.

Sorry just read its his policy in which case he will select trustees usually you and him plus one other

He has more latitude in where the funds go then but much of above still applies

Thanks for comments.

Appreciate it's an unlikely scenario, it's just bothering me.

As a pp said, my siblings are DH's family as well (he doesn't have any other family) so I'd thought he would want to look after them, but it doesn't seem to have occurred to him.

This isn't a joint policy - too complicated to go into here but don't worry we are aware of the need for me to be insured as well.

Presumably in the case of the whole family being wiped out there are other assets you could allocate to your siblings? That would depend upon your will.

If it's just insurance for him then yes you are being a little unreasonable. If it's cover for you then you can name whoever you want

As this insurance is either paid for by family funds or as benefit of his job which you support him doing by being a SAHM, then it is a family decision who the beneficiaries should be.

You need to discuss and if you have different ideas come to a compromise.

Splitting it 50/50 sounds fair to me. Then you both get a choice. Though I agree you're giving a lit if thought to an unlikely situation.

Lot of. Damn phone.