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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent British 'body issues'

61 replies

Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 06:23

Holidaying in a thermal spa in Poland, I've noticed that no-one - absolutely no-one - feels the need to disguise what their bodies look like. Yes there are sleek young women and toned young men in profusion but it didn't take long for us to realise that they were no more showing off than anyone else. Because in fact no-one was showing off: they were just having a swim or a sunbathe.
We have seen several women breastfeeding - and to paraphrase Pope Francis, why the Hell shouldn't we - and I can't remember the last time in the UK I have been in a swimming pool with people with physical disabilities. Three people with dwarfism weren't merely having a therapeutic dip, but joining in with everyone else on the slides and other play equipment. I can hear the British teeth-sucking from here.
We went to a luxury Greek resort run by a British company in 2015 and the staff, as a joke, would parp a horn if a man wore Speedos on the beach. It seemed mildly amusing at the time but in truth it's just another example of us as a nation telling other people how they should behave.
I have two daughters so feel that I at a state of constant vigilance not to allow them to become obsessed with their appearance. The experience of me being here makes me wonder whether the problem is their knowledge that other British people are obsessed with their appearance. I do wish people would just buzz off and leave them alone to do whatever they wish to do, dressed however they like.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/09/2017 07:52

*I do find the British views on nakedness and bikinis odd.

So go on enlighten me. What exactly are these attitudes?

highinthesky · 02/09/2017 07:53

I expect people to respect common decency in their dress. I would also like them to look after their health but ultimately that is their choice to make.

If you want to see a culture where disabled are aborted before birth or hidden from public view, try Russia. It's a bloody disgrace.

bruffin · 02/09/2017 07:54

op
It is not one inclusive class, its all tje time in the pool and gym. Agree with others on here its not "better abroad"

QueenMortificado · 02/09/2017 07:56

but at 5 foot 6 and a size 10/12 I have given up looking for new clothes as I feel like a blimp, and a bikini is really just out of the question!

Yes at size 10-12 you're definitely fat and way too large for a bikini Confused

eurochick · 02/09/2017 08:03

What an odd thread. The British as a whole are definitely less comfortable with nudity than many other nationalities, but I don't recognise the other points. Our local pool is full of people of all shapes and sizes. Most uk pools I have swam at have equipment for disabled people.

Voiceforreason · 02/09/2017 08:04

I am appalled that anyone would complain about disabled people using a pool! Unforgivable!

When my children were small I sought out a play group and nursery which included disabled children so they grew up with wheelchair users, vision and hearing impaired children and those with complex needs. Luckily ours was an area where nearly all children attended the local mainstream school with additional support, adaptions and specialised equipment.

I am so thankful for this as my children have grown up with no fear or curiosity around disability and are as adults completely comfortable with people of every shape size and ability. I would advise all parents to do the same.

Find out your child's nursery/school policy on inclusion and pressure where you can. Hopefully, one day in the future, things might improve.

Incidentally, having worked in special education I can report that the UK is and always has been at the forfront of inclusive education.

coddiwomple · 02/09/2017 08:04

I have seem to have noticed a lot more overweight people in the UK than on beaches abroad for a start. No one seemed to be "showing off" they just happen to be so much slimmer, little kids included. It's always a shock when we venture on a british beach to see how big the children are here, let alone their parents.
I have seen all shape and forms at local swimming pools here, the rules for swimsuits are different in every country.
I think if we have body issues, it's because we have weight issues to start with.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/09/2017 08:06

The British as a whole are definitely less comfortable with nudity than many other nationalities

Tbf this is true, but more comfortable with nudity than some other nationalities Smile

MummySnot · 02/09/2017 08:07

QueenMortificado, I'm not a fan of skinniness and think some of the most attractive women I've seen are curvy and of many different sizes. My fat just has an unfortunate way of massing so I just look very solid rather than curvy!!

I know it's ridiculous which is why I think it is merited on a thread about Brits and their body issues!

Margomyhero · 02/09/2017 08:07

Watch and share this.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/09/2017 08:09

I agree coddiwample it has a lot more to do with the actual population than pictures of Kim Kardashian.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/09/2017 08:12

I know it's ridiculous which is why I think it is merited on a thread about Brits and their body issues!

Yes it is absolutely ridiculous. Most women would consider themselves slim/average regardless of how it masses. You are only one person not the whole UK population.

CaptainBrickbeard · 02/09/2017 08:20

The breastfeeding thing is the most telling to me; any thread on breastfeeding at the pool on MN brings out a small but significant minority of people who absolutely can't believe that a woman breastfeeding in public isn't doing it for attention. That was the part of your OP that struck me the most.

RebelRogue · 02/09/2017 08:24

We've been to a lido last weekend. People of all ages,shapes,sizes,nationalities. Breastfeeding mums,some kids with asd,a lady in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy, some kids and grownups with other disabilities(that's just the ones I personally noticed or talked to).Some wore bikinis, some wore burkas, some in street clothes.No one literally gave a shit, everyone was having fun and enjoying the sun and water.

SoupDragon · 02/09/2017 08:24

but it didn't take long for us to realise that they were no more showing off than anyone else. Because in fact no-one was showing off: they were just having a swim or a sunbathe.

Like most people everywhere.

EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 08:27

Of course other countries do things better/differently.

Eg naked in a sauna or getting naked having a shower after swimming.
Bikinis and speedos (I have to say that's the first time that Ive heard that speedos allow to see the outline of a penis - that's not something Ive ever noticed after years watching aiming galas, where all the men werea speedos Hmm)
Disabilities? I actually think that some countries are worse than the uk and others better (in the more inclusive sense)

What you don't have is one country able to do ALL the better things. Some do one things 'better' than the uk but on another level, it's worse.
So is one country better overall? I'm not sure it's as clear cut.

What it does though is pushing us to do better rather than allowing us to bask in the idea that we are great and fantastic and no one can ever do better than us. Because that it isn't and will never be the case (not for the uk and not for any other country for that matter)

EternalOptimistToo · 02/09/2017 08:30

I disagree for example about the fact that it's normal to breastfeed on a beach in the uk.
To start with, if you notice, it's because you feel it's unusual (I would).
But also seeing the number of women who have been told to cover up (incl myself whilst I was feeding IN my car!!), issues in cafe, people complaining etc... I have big doubts that it is the normal thing to do here.

Original poster
Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 08:31

Thank you EternalOptimistToo. Exactly right. I utterly adore the UK and know it better than most. Here in Poland I miss the diversity, the cultural complexity, the expressive sound of the language and the sheer interest of home, and I resent hugely the hammer-strength message of the power of religion here. That is not to say that the UK is perfect but as with my self and my children, I always strive for better.

OP posts:
bruffin · 02/09/2017 09:09

Huppopapa
That incident with the soldiers was misreported at the time

swingofthings · 02/09/2017 09:15

I think the problem is that Brits go both extreme. Either way too self-conscious, or flaunting their bodies in quite disgraceful way. I personally find it offending to go out into town on Friday/Saturday evenings and see so many ladies wearing so little clothing that shows boobs/bottoms in what is everything but an attractive way, which seem to be very British like and don't seem to witness anywhere else abroad.

Gorgosparta · 02/09/2017 09:15

bruffin can you expand?

As op seems to have personal experience of that.

Op so poland are more comfortable with their bodies. But have loads of other issues that are as bad or worse?

Crumbs1 · 02/09/2017 09:26

I can't say I've noticed a particularly reserved attitude to bodies. Just returned from a week on UK beach. Definitely all ages, all sizes all shapes happily wondering around without a second glance. Topless too. We smiled at a few - like the quite elderly (75ish) quite large (22/24 size) woman in a fluorescent pink bikini with an enormous sun hat, singing along to songs on her iPad headphones completely oblivious to the world. There were couples being more intimate than they probably should in public in amongst naked children (up to about 8)squealing at the waves.
I didn't notice body discomfort particularly. I don't know that most of us are less comfortable in our skins than saw your average Omani, Israeli or American. I have to say in all the years I breastfed (about 12 overall) I never had any negative comments or requests to cover up. That was 20 years ago so not sure about all these ' I was forced from a cafe comments either. Certainly not my experience.
I think there is a group of women who lack self confidence and who feel uncomfortable about changing in public but that's not the majority.
Attitudes to disabilities are generally much better in UK than the rest of the world where the disabled are hidden away or not provided for.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/09/2017 09:35

I never had any comments while feeding my two, either, and that was ages ago. My dd fed her two all over the place, still feeds no. 2, and the only comment she's ever had was from one of those vinegary, dried up old women who disapprove of just about everything.

Doowappydoo · 02/09/2017 09:45

Based on my experience I think yabu OP.

Every swimming I can think of has a chair lift for wheel chair user. Groups of people with disabilities and SEN regularly use our local pool and have for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine that anyone would complain or bat an eyelid.

I don't think the British have more body issues than the rest of Europe, the US or developed countries in Asia. I can see how attitudes towards body shapes and clothing might be different in the developing world where they are not subject to the same advertising to etc. I have seen every shape and size on the beach, in pools and in spas in this country. I really don't think the spa you describe in Poland would be different in this country.

bruffin · 02/09/2017 10:45

From what i read, the problems was a one off event where 2 ladies complained about a lane being used up by soldiers leaving less room for every one else to swim. It was reported as public jeering the diabled sildiets.
One woman made a not so nice remark. The new pool was built by Help the Heroes as a proper rehabiliatation pool for the soldiers to meet their needs ie with jets etc, nothing to do with people complaining about seeing diabled people at the public pool.