To ask if sick kid should miss party

[partypooper14]

Name changed as could be quite telling. Party is this weekend.

I know I'm not BU. Posting for traffic/advice

If your kid has a D&V bug less than 48hrs before a party they shouldn't attend, even if they feel better that day. It's just a shitty thing to do (excuse the pun) to go to a party knowingly spreading your germs. Said family have previous on this btw. Whole circle of friends and our kids fell ill within 24hrs of previous infested party.

But here's a question - who should it fall on to resolve if selfish parent of sick child is not prepared for their PFB to miss the party?

• Birthday party kids mum? i.e. "I'm sorry but I think it's best if (kid) doesn't come on this occasion..I'll save a party bag"

• other mums to tell the sicky mum, alleviate stress on party organiser mum?

• other mums just keep quiet and their choice to not attend if sicky child attends?

Don't want to be a dick about it and feel bad for party organiser parent, but will also be furious if toddler or I get sick, from a party that lurgy kid was not kept home from.

Worth also noting two of the mums are pregnant and with toddlers already, so knowingly attending and risking passing D&V to expectant mums is just mean right?

Or should those who are not happy with this just miss it?

While the mother shouldn't bring the sick kid, it's not up to you to tell her what to do. It's up to the host. You get to decide whether or not your own DC goes but you don't get to appoint yourself doorperson.

But how SURE are you about the child's temperatures, vomiting frequency and level of diarrhoea? How could you know all this? How can the party organiser approach the relevant kids parent without facts? Don't be shitty just because you don't like people. Unless it is your sister's kid, I can't fathom how you have any right to make a call on a medical status.

Doesn't matter about temp frequency and level. The rule is 48 hours AFTER the last vomiting and or loose stool episode

enceladus

If they vomit then they should stay home for 48 hours, its not difficult to understand.

Unless, of course, you are the type of parent that has pox parties

Thanks everyone, except enceladus.

On the basis of the above I'm going to check in this morning and see who's going, will be brave but polite and say on the group msg thing that I won't be bringing my DC if it's clear she is. That's my responsibility, you're right. Just felt bad for party mum, to bail on her.

Agree that if party organiser parent doesn't want to tell sicky parent not to come then they should suck up the cost.

Have been holding this back as didn't want it to be the focus of the conversation here, but I myself am 38+ wks with second and loathe to spend last couple of weeks recovering from D&V before giving birth. Just wanted to get a feel for how selfish I was being as a general rule with these things, without factoring in my personal status.

I'm glad I asked.

it's 24 hours now at our school (which o think it used to be before 48 hiirs became more common.)

I think people use 24 hours for work don't they. Maybe the mum was working to this?

I really don't like it when parents bring kids to school/parties/toddlers who were sick the day before though!

Also who said I didn't like them enceladus? I do! That's your assumption. If I didn't then I would probably have found it much easier to be rude and tell them they shouldn't be going. Or would have found it easy to go to party organiser mum and tell her what I thought without seeking advice here.
I doubted if I was being a bit soft about the whole thing.

Oh really?! My DC is not school age yet but that's worrying. You're definitely not out of the gross zone only 24hrs after D&V! :(
It's 48hrs at my work still but I guess that probably varies everywhere.

It always used to be 48 hours at our school. Oh just looked it up (insomnia is great) and the small print says sickness or diahhrea is 24 hours unless clearly a sickness bug when it's 48 hours. I'm honestly not too sure of the difference ....

Most of Google says 48 (we've always done 48) bit I'm pretty sure it was 24 when I was a child and other places online says 24.

Not exactly the point of the thread but just musing about different advice and perceptions!!

I think our school is trying to get its attendance up any way possible. Although presumably that will backfire if sickness spreads?!

It's the hosts responsibility to not knowingly put her other guests at risk by not explicitly uninviting a guest (with previous) who is still sickly.

Your responsibility is for your child and your pregnant self, not for the poor judgement of others.

Pizzaexpressreview It's 24hr at our schools unless still unwell too. Having said that sickness can vary as can children. A child with a strong gag reflex might vomit once at school and be sent home and be absolutely fine within an hour. The trouble is that because of selfish parents who would send a child with d and v in they need all encompassing rules. Not all schools/parents apply common sense. I guess the 24hr rule is a compromise. If a child had d and v then they might still be ill after 48hrs from last episode and need to recharge. A child like dd who vomited once after having to clean up a particularly dirty lunch table and floor but had no subsequent symptoms isn't contagious and would be fine for school.

For this party I would probably tell the host that sadly you can't risk it but if sick child still coming you will see birthday child soon and give present.

I would have added a message about the 48h on the group messages right when she mentioned the child wasn't well.
It might be harder to do that now but maybe still worth a try (if party is on Sunday).

I agree about the fact that not everywhere is talking about 48hours though. Actually I'm positive that in a lot of places, staying at home for two days when you are well because of that 48h rule would not be welcome....

Have made decision to wait and see if sicky parent decides to attend, then we won't. Will explain to party mum privately.

Personally, I don't have an issue with the 24h TBH.
You can vomit/have diarrhoea for plenty other reasons other than a D&V bug.

Eg during one lesson in primary, they were talking about something (quite 'normal', I can't even remember what it was!) that one child was finding disgusting. They ended up vomiting. According to that rule, said child was supposed to be off for 2 days. Even though they were totally well, just reacting to a particular event.
You can get diarrhoea from stress (and yes some do. One of my dcs did). Or just react to something you have eaten. Etc etc

Its only 24 hours from an infection perspective. 48 hours is for prary schools where they don't want to be looking after convalescent miserable young children

Our school went from 24 hours after vomiting only to 48 hours (was always 48 for diarrhoea) in line with NHS guidance. Although 24 hours was handy from an attendance perspective. Exceptions can be made when it's proven not to be a bug. Eg my dd1 is known to vomit during an asthma attack.

Anyway, op. I'm not sure you can tell the offending parent not to go, but you can make it known it's the reason for your non-attendance. I hope the parent of sick child does the right thing.

I wouldn't go.

It's 24 hours at my children's school too so if it was after 24 hours I'd have said she was ok to send him.

I definitely wouldn't go. I'd bet my last pound that she'll turn up at the party. Some parents just can't stand to miss out on anything.

no need for nasty responses, my original question still stands: 'how SURE are you about the child's temperatures, vomiting frequency and level of diarrhoea? 'How could you know all this? 'D&V is a pretty generic term. Rotavirus causes D&V and you are infectious for 2 weeks after it, do you keep your kid home for 2 weeks?; What is causing the D&V?... and you don't like them, despite your protestations - you have labelled them selfish and shitty in your original post, you seem to want to make a fuss to make them look like crap.

My child went to child's party where birthday boy and little sister was vomiting repeatedly the day before. Parents didn't want to disappoint birthday boy etc so kept quiet.

Nobody knew and despite the kids being quiet and the mum looking ghastly nobody guessed until one by one a few of the guests fell ill including my dd who ended up in hospital for 2 days on a drip etc!!! Which in turn risks hcp and other patients.

Protect your own family. I'll never be polite again if it relates to my family's physical or mental health.

You are not being unreasonable especially with school starting next week. Its in everyone's interest not to spread the big especially d&v.

I wouldn't take my child to a party if they had a recent bug but it wouldn't put me off letting them attend if someone else was taking their ill child tbh. They are likely in class at school daily with at least one child whose parents have ignored the 48 hr rule and they're very rarely ill. I'd just make sure hands were thoroughly washed before eating but other than that I wouldn't worry.

Many years ago, someone turned up at my sisters party having been up all night vomiting - we didn't know.
Every single child and their families came down with it.

We were all ill on my sisters actual birthday. Apparently the girls mum didn't want to tell her child she couldn't come to the party as she'd be 'upset'

Personally, I wouldn't go.