I honestly feel like the worst parent on earth

[theworstparentonearth]

I just screamed horribly at my 4 year old.
She ripped all of her neatly folded clothes out of her draws for the third time and I just lost it.

Her and her sister 2 did it together, but I only shouted at her cause I feel like dd2 doesn't understand. But I was horrible.

I never thought I had this kind of anger in me, especially towards a 4 year old.

I feel she must feel it's really unfair that her sister gets away with it while she receives this and honestly I was horrible.

I've calmed down, cried, woke her up and hugged her but I can't even describe how upset I was, it was actually scary. I'm not the shouting kind which is probably why this sounds a little over dramatic.

I'm not looking for anger, think I'm just looking for forgiveness as I've never doubted myself this much as a parent

I often feel like I should have the title (11 yr old with anxiety and 7 year old ADHD = me struggling to keep calm), but then I remember that I'm only human and can say sorry and move on. If I can't do that, then what happens when they get really angry? I want them to apologise and move on as being down doesn't help

I had drawer locks (plastic sticky things, not easy to open) for some drawers, might be an idea also while they're so young.

Bloody hell, they've behaved like that more than once? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'm surprised you've not snapped before now. There's no way I'd be putting up wth that. Do not apologise in the morning. Tell 'both' of them that it's completely unacceptable and the consequences of doing it again will be far worse than being told off like last night.

Drawer locks for an NT 4 year old? You can't be serious? Plus that's not going to stop her pulling the blinds down etc. She's plenty old enough just to bloody well behave.

It's a bit daft putting her to bed half an hour earlier than before and with another little mischief maker though.

The toddler needs to learn the screaming just gets her put back to bed, NOT what she wants. She's 2, you're an adult, YOU decide who goes to bed when, not her. Don't give in to her tantrums.

I wouldn't like to cross you, Annie Yikes!

You can't be the worst parent on earth, I've got that title :(

I tend to agree with @AnnieAnoniMouse on this one. Losing your cool is an awful experience for everyone and my heart goes out to you. Still, that kind of behaviour deserves a bollocking. It's not on.

We didn't do the terrible two's, we did the fucking fours. My previously well behaved dd turned into a nightmare. She slammed my fingers in my laptop and launched it across the room and I lost it. I ended up next door sobbing to the neighbour apologising for the noise. Dd saw this and got upset too. We sat down and had a chat about behaviour. I hadn't appreciated my four year old was frustrated she couldn't do things and also hadn't appreciated she understood she upset me. I thought she was just a kid.

Time to set lots of boundaries and keep talking to your eldest. She does understand what she's doing.

And remember you're not the worst parent. Lots of us have been there

Seriously don't worry, we've all done it, I remember getting my bookcase emptied for the 7th time and I just detonated
Kids can be arseholes sometimes ( a lot of the time)

I've had frequent outbursts this holiday as ds1 has been hurting ds2 who is 9 weeks now plus breaking stuff around the house on purpose

It happens! Funnily, I had a conversation with my mum (who I only twice a year or so) recently about such an event! She asked me if I remembered an event, when I was about 5yo, when she'd bought me a beautiful bed cover which had been quite expensive (she was a single mum) and I had been colouring on it. She'd said not to, but I'd done so when she wasn't looking and put pen all over it. In the 70s when no such thing as washable ink. The cover was ruined.

Supposedly, she went beserk, screaming at me in the worse anger. She felt awful afterwards.

The thing is, I don't remember this at all! I remember the cover and vaguely remember colouring on it and my mum being upset, but don't recall fear of her shouts or anything traumatic!

We had a good laugh about it! This behaviour is of course destroying when it is regular, but as a one off, with an explanation once calm is not going to leave any damage. Don't beat yourself up!

By the way, I lost it with DD once too, worse, in public, so with very disapproving stares, but she although she remembers the event, she doesn't recall my outburst.

I completely lost my rag with DD (3) yesterday, she was having screaming habdabs in a car park refusing to get into her car seat and trying to run away. It took 40 minutes and the help of a stranger to get her in a seat. Some random woman gave me a hug it was so bad. DD is still pissed off with me this morning and is ignoring me in favour of DH.

To be honest your eldest sounds like bloody hard work - I'm not surprised you screamed! Please don't feel bad, you have tried other methods, they haven't worked - but this did.

For those of us who grew up with parents where shouting,smacking and emotional abuse was the norm, punishment was usually dished out for the slightest of misdemeanours. I cannot even begin to imagine what would've happened if I'd trashed my room OP. Getting shouted at would have been quickly forgotten with no lasting repercussions so please don't worry about it too much.

At the end of the day, your eldest is pushing you to the limit. She's being really naughty. If shouting is the only way to get through to her at times, then used sparingly I really don't see the problem.

A 4 year old (without SN) is well and truly old enough to know that pulling things out of a drawer is naughty, and to do so several times in a row is very naughty, because it's not doing what mummy says. A 2 year old knows mostly that doing the opposite of what mummy says is naughty.

It would be nice if the world was perfect and you hadn't shouted, but it's hardly the end of the world, I'm not surprised you shouted.

Tell her you love her but it makes you sad when she does these things. I agree with the divide at bedtime idea too. Remind her that you are in charge and she must do as you say, and maybe do a star chart for 3 good bedtimes for a treat.

The fact that you feel so bad shows that this is not a common occurrence, so cute yourself some slack. I actually think it does children no harm to see just how much they've pushed your buttons, in rare occasions. Ds now knows 'the look', which is the one I get when I'm about to blow, and revises his behaviour accordingly. On the odd occasion this has happened to me, I simply apologise, remind him that shouting is not the way to do things even from adults, and move on. Also, a 4yo is not beyond understanding that younger siblings don't understand as much and you're therefore harsher on the older one. Be kind to yourself op. Today is another day. Make it count.

You're not a bad mum, we've all been there, from your posts I'd actually be firmer with your girls, let them know that you're upset with their behaviour, no harm in that, they'll stop doing it.