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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think time is ticking for me?

10 replies

andshewillbeloved · 01/09/2017 21:17

I'm a 27 year old single sahm to 3 year old dd. Im about to retrain as an occupational therapist but don't feel like I should go to uni until dd starts school in Sept 2019. I live in a shit hole and want to move away from here but by the time I've finished uni etc will it be too late? I feel like I don't know what to do for the best. I'm getting older and no closer to meeting a man I like. I'm in an area I hate with no career. How fucking depressing.

OP posts:
andshewillbeloved · 01/09/2017 21:41

Anyone?

OP posts:
MagicMoneyTree · 01/09/2017 21:43

At 27 time is definitely not ticking, so you can banish that thought right away.

I found myself feeling shit about my life at around the same age as you. The only thing that helped me to snap out of it was to work out where I want to be and by when, then work back from that and follow an actual plan with realisatic goals and a series of milestones along the way.

In your shoes, I'd push aside any relationship goals (and I did when I was in your position) and focus on career and house goals. You can do this, you just need to break down those huge, possibly overwhelmingly big desires into smaller, more manageable bite-sized tasks. No better feeling than ticking off tasks and knowing you're one step closer to success.

Just to add, when I started actually getting somewhere with my career and life in general, I became happier in myself and realised I didn't need a man. And it wasn't till I was genuinely happy and fulfilled on my own that I met my wonderful DH - it all just kind of fell into place after that. I'm only a few years down the line now, so it hasn't taken long, I just needed a clear focus.

You sound like you've got definite ideas about what you want, you just need the confidence to believe you can do it and the motivation to take steps towards making it happen. No-one can do it for you- grab a pen and notepad now and start making some lists. You've got plenty of time to make some huge changes!

SundaySalon · 01/09/2017 21:44

Have you looked into the Open Univeristy? They offer a huge range of modules you might be able to enrol on? The work load is designed for people who have little spare time. This is what I am currently doing whilst juggling a part time job and my DS (I am also 27). I was feeling the same about my career prospects not too long ago so I know how down you are feeling. Flowers

I am afraid I don't have much advice on your housing situation, are you renting?

SprogletsMum · 01/09/2017 21:47

I've been feeling a bit like this recently but I do have a DP. I'm 28 and have 4 dc I had my first at 19 and have been a sahm since then.
I 've enrolled at the open university starting this October. It's part time so will be 6 years until I'm done but I reckon our retirement age will probably be at least 70 so I'll st ill have a good 35 years of work ahead.

andshewillbeloved · 01/09/2017 21:53

I feel guilty for wanting to go to uni when dd is so little. I'll never get this time back with her so why am I in such a rush to go? I feel guilty for living in a shit area but without going to uni and getting a career then we're stuck here.

Open uni would be ideal but OT involves a lot of placement.

OP posts:
SixInTheBed · 01/09/2017 22:38

Go to college, OP . There are many different ways of being a good parent and your plan of retraining to improve your DD's standard of living is one of them. You have plenty of years living left, all going well , so live them fully with intent.

andshewillbeloved · 02/09/2017 07:46

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I just feel like I'm failing at everything. I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
MagicMoneyTree · 02/09/2017 08:10

You aren't failing at everything, it's just all feeling overwhelming for you. I've been there. It's like you need everything to change but you don't know where to start. I swear that taking little steps was what helped to make things feel less impossible for me. Maybe that's what'll work for you too. You aren't failing. Wanting to better yourself and give your child a better life is not failing.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 02/09/2017 08:14

Too late for what exactly? You are likely to have 35 more years working.

Why do you say that you shouldn't start uni until DD starts school?

Somanyillustrations · 02/09/2017 08:19

I could have written this in 2010...

I was 27, single with a tiny baby, no career prospects, living in a shit flat in a shit area. I thought I had fucked up my life totally.

7 years on, I have a career that has decent prospects, decent wage and that I enjoy, I'm married with a second child, lovely house in a beautiful area.

I went to college, did an access course, then back to uni to retrain. The husband and child came along, as a PP said, when my confidence and self esteem improved as I did well on my course.

Do the course- yes DD will only be small once, but her life will be much improved by you doing this now. FWIW, I am in healthcare too, and had placement etc to contend with- it will be fine, hard work, but worth it.

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