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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my boss thinks I'm incompetent

11 replies

Obefunki1 · 01/09/2017 20:10

I know this is an odd thread. My boss is very cold. A bit devil wears Prada. No one likes her but everyone is too scared to say anything. She's very thorough which I like. She's very committed and hard working. We all work hard and it's a stressful profession.

She knows nothing of my private life. Maybe some days I seem tired. I just don't know.

But she tells me to go early some days and it's only me she says it to. Everyone will be tired after a long week but she singles me out to go home early to get a break. When she gives me criticism she does it much more gently than she does with others.

I am neither the youngest or newest member of staff.

While I'm definitely not complaining I do worry that I come across as incompetent and fragile in some way. As I'm the only one given this treatment it isn't something you can put down to general personality.

My previous boss was the same but only with me. He let me go half an hour early each day. I have a long commute so she may be taking that into consideration but I'm sure some others do.

Today she came into the office and told me to leave as I'd done all my work for today. I had to leave while being glared at by the other employees 😂

I'm hard working committed and maybe my boss just rewards that but so is everyone else and they don't get the same treatment,

AIBU to think I must come across a bit incompetent and vulnerable in some way?

And no she doesn't have a crush on me. She's a heterosexual married woman.n

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2017 20:14

It sounds more like you're exceptionally competent and productive without being needy and have her respect. Unless she's also often asking you if you're alright or if you think you can manage a task or the like.

elelfrance · 01/09/2017 20:19

Have you ever suffered burn out or any health concerns she would know about? There's one person in my team who's in their thirties who had a stress-induced incident where an ambulance was called to work....it was a few years back and they never complain but we in the management team are all very wary of them getting over stressed again, so make adjustments like you describe

Original poster

Obefunki1 · 01/09/2017 20:20

I've never had a day off sick and never been off work for ill health. I know my limits and don't over work.

OP posts:

Sayyouwill · 01/09/2017 20:23

If your old boss did it too, perhaps they left it in your personal file that they let you go home early and she has misinterpreted that to mean you need gentler handling

junebirthdaygirl · 01/09/2017 20:25

This happens me with my family and with my friends. I am competent, hold down a job l do well, am pretty much on top of housework kids etc but my dsis s and my friends are always minding me. I genuinely dont complain or act helpless but they constantly do things for me and sort of mother me. I dont know why. I am pale by nature so maybe l look delicate ..thats all l can think of.
Your boss probably appreciates that you work hard and get stuff done. Maybe they see you dont waste time or dilly dally so believe you deserve to just head off.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/09/2017 20:29

I think she thinks you're great at your job

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 20:31

I think you're over thinking.

Intothenestofvipers · 01/09/2017 21:16

Stealth boast about being the office favourite?

JuniUmiZoomi · 01/09/2017 21:20

She sounds quite nice! I always think my boss thinks I'm incompetent and then I hear she's asked for me to up my hours or something. It's weird.
Do you want to go home early? Do you feel your colleagues don't like how she treats you? Did you feel you couldn't say 'oh, it's ok, I'll go at 5pm'?

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2017 22:13

'Stealth boast about being the office favourite?'

I didn't think the OP came across as pretending to not be able to read the situation in an attempt to fish for compliments.

I agree with the other posters (and the fave bit of Intothe's post) that your boss seems to like and trust you, surely she'd have said something (if not directly it could be in a PA way) that you need to pull your socks up etc.

The only think I'd be slightly concerned with her being so blatantly nice is that it could isolate you from the other workers.

You've already said they're glaring at you and have noticed the way she's singled you out, it could create a bit of a us/them.

Have they treated you any differently do you think? Or been a bit off with your or not included you in stuff they do together?

Borninatrap · 01/09/2017 22:25

I wish I had this problem! I'm pale and look a bit ill if I don't wear makeup (ginger!) and get recurrent UTI's that floor me (under a urologist) for, single mum with 3dcs and shift worker in a hospital and my boss, my work colleagues and my family do not give me an inch. They tell me it's because I'm really competent and good at my job/being a mum/life that I don't need a break but actually they are wrong!

If I was you OP I would enjoy it and not give it any thought. It might not last

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