taking big children to the park

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I took 3 children to the park today. Ages 13, 11 and 8. They are big but the two older children have ASD and are not confident going out on their own and are socially very unsophisticated so often play with younger children quite happily. They are fair minded and take turns etc, but as they are tall for their ages may look intimidating to some younger children.

We went to the play area where there are swings, climbing frames and slides, there are no signs or park regulations to restrict the area to any particular age group, children of all ages and teenagers use this public park.

There were three younger children on the slide/ climbing frame my children started clamouring up the netting and immediately a couple of women sitting at a table next to the frame started talking about my big children and told ds in a sharp tone "this is for little children you know" and continued to tut and complain as my children looked bemused. The little children were standing on the slide so preventing dd2 from sliding down.

I was not sure what was best as my children were not causing any problems, simply playing not being at all aggressive and only guilty of being tall and apparently this offended the mothers of the smaller children

But I could sense that if I said something i could end up in a row, upset my kids and so I opted to retreat. I called the kids over and we walked to the other end of the park until the women and their small children had left. Then my big kids went back to the play area and played on all the available equipment just as usual. No small children were hurt or inconvenienced in the process, I went on a swing!

Dd1 was upset by the ladies words as she already feels self conscious, her Autism means she doesn't have many friends, no one invites her to play out, being at the park is a sociable activity and now she feels she is being "judged" at the park.I

Obviously I didn't say anything I left and may have muttered about grumpy women but I feel concern about future park trips, is there something I should have done differently/ better?

Clamouring should read clambering!

I think they just didn't want their kids to move. Don't worry about it.

I don't know if this helps but at our local park I regularly see nt 12 year olds playing. most parents are just pleased to see them having fun but there is often one arsehole pfb parent who tuts about it. xx

I would want to tell them to go elsewhere if they didn't like it but it is probably better to just ignore people like that. My son will be using playgrounds well into his teens.

I am probably over thinking it - but this exchange just makes it that much harder getting dd1 to come out. She has excellent recall for negative experiences and tends to dwell on them (which I am conscious I am doing the same right now).

Thank you OhCrepe and Ummmmgogo

I always associate playgrounds for children. Children are under 16 (that want to play in a park).

There's a few parks near me. Two of them have separate play areas within them for under 6's. The rest are for any other children.

Ignore her, your children have as much right as her children to play there, despite what she thinks.

And don't even get me started on children who block the slide and climb up them!

Parks are for children who want to use the equipment appropriately.

I assume you pay your council tax, yah? You have just as much to be there as her. Don't move next time. Neither you or your children have done anything wrong.

*as much right

Might it have been because they obviously don't know your kids. To them, your children could have been rough, they could have pushed their kids off the equipment, they could have been a potential threat.
If the area looked like it typically was for younger kids, they maybe thought your kids were going to dominate the area and their kids wouldn't be able to carry on enjoying themselves.

It sounds like they were being proactive (wrongly so!) and preempting problems rather than actually waiting for an issue.

The only thing is, in a lot of parks there is some equipment which is clearly for little kids and some for older kids. So you'll have a basic climbing frame which is unchallenging and has a small slide for the little ones, and features that little ones can't use like climbing nets and tougher frames.

If parks are set out like that, it's generally appropriate for older children to be encouraged to use the equipment suitable to their age group. Because smaller children can be intimidated off playing by big kids and they're too small to use the other equipment so they generally should be encouraged to use age appropriate ones unless they're not capable of using it in those situations.

I can see both sides here, to be honest. I brought my two year old to a playground with facilities for older and younger children. Now, she's a small two, but nimble and well able to climb ladders but easily intimidated off the equipment. I will admit I was frustrated that some parents allowed older children on the small equipment without supervising them. Their children were safe playing away, but due to the size difference, mine wasn't. The children weren't doing anything wrong as such, but my child could be knocked off the platform easily, for example.

This slide had a tube shaped climbing net attached, which was what my 3 where climbing on Margaret ironically when my dc were littler, I actively discouraged them going on it as they needed a leg up to get on to the net, one of them always got their legs caught/ shoes fell through, arms got caught - which is partly why I was so about the woman's comments. Toddlers can't use it without their parents helicopter-ing to avoid tangled limbs and tears!

The only time I get annoyed by older children at the park is if they're using bad language (probably just to show off to their mates).
Your children were doing nothing wrong and the woman making comments was an arsehole.

At our local parks it's the unspoken rule that the playground is for little ones earlier in the day and older ones later in the day. After about 5pm it's full of 10+ aged children and just a few little ones. Earlier in the day it's mostly smaller ones. So, you could try going a bit later, but you weren't doing anything wrong and shouldn't feel forced out because of a few rude parents.

I have been known to stop in playgrounds if they're empty when I'm passing to go on the swings... I do get off swiftly if any children turn up though. I like swings, they make me inexplicably happy. They can bugger off OP, your DCs were doing nothing wrong at all.

My 10 yr old Dd is nearly 5ft 4. The problems that brings....
All our playgrounds say for use by 12 and under.

She's just one bad egg. I see young teens playing on slides etc, as long as they're not hogging the equipment with a whole gang of them then it's all good.

Honestly if your kids weren't getting in the way of her kids she can lump it. My ds used to adore it when (a well behaved) big kid was using the same slide etc. And plenty of toddlers can't share and cause problems.
Explain to your daughter that talking about people when they can hear is bad manners and sometimes you move away from people who have bad manners. So it's not her that's done the wrong thing iyswim?

My sister is 13 with ASD too - she loves the park. She is quite shy, doesn't have many friends, so nobody asks her out and she's not very confident.

The last time we went to the park, a child of around 6 bashed her round the face with the zip wire. He pulled it to the top and instead of sitting on it, he whacked her round the face - I went over and his mother said 'the park is for people of my sons age, not your sisters age, so serves her right' The park says 'aged 9+ on the gate', so she was wrong. She often got told by other parents to 'wait her turn' or 'Let this child go first because they're younger, you're older, so you can wait' even if she was waiting in a queue to use a swing or whatever.

She always mentions the negative experiences, but she still loves the park and would choose it over most other activities!

Your children did nothing wrong