DB Dilemma

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My DB is visiting in a few hours with his family. He's a big man, slimmed off to about 18 stone recently. He's oblivious to his size and strength, it can be unintentionally hilarious or a bit scary if he's hugging you!

We've recently built a summer house in the garden and it's lovely. I've refurbished some vintage furniture which is understandably very fragile. We've been using it all summer and DB was telling me how much he's looking forward to seeing it. This morning DH suddenly announced that DB couldn't go in the summer house because he always breaks everything (tbf he has broken a sofa and a chair of ours, 2 of his kids beds, 2 sofas, my dads sofa (years ago) and my mums chair as well as 2 toilets! (And these are just the ones I know about/off the top of my head).

I feel really awful saying he can't go in the summer house- he'll think I'm saying he's fat. It's nothing to do with his weight. My BF is 24 stone and we've been in the summer house every night! It's the way he sits down - just sort of throwing himself into the seat and collapsing.

Aibu to tell him to be careful - I know his wife has and stuff has still got broken. I know it's a small problem but please advise - I love him and don't want to offend him. Wwyd?

"Lose" the key? Swap at least one piece of furniture for something robust and steer him to it?

Tell him to sit down carefully or he'll get a bill for new stuff.

How do people react to these breakages? Is it all treated as a big joke?

Could you take the furniture out of the summer house and stash it somewhere? Lie and say you need to do some more work on them, or something.

Find a more robust chair and corner him into taking that one. DH is the same, he's broken 2 camping chairs recently because he pushes down so heavily to help him stand.

You need one of these. Get the dc to make one ASAP!!

Now that he's slimmed down you'll find he's much less likely to wreck the furniture. Your heavier friend is going to be being very careful most likely, where your brother sounds like a bull in a china shop. I'd just say be careful db!

Thanks for your replies.

Our house is v tiny - no where to hide anything. We don't own much furniture but I'll take a chair out of kitchen and put in there and tell my dc to sit on the vintage stuff blocking it. DH does this thing where he makes a sweeping statement which is difficult to enforce and then refuses to discuss it - but makes it clear any issues are then my fault. So if anything is broken it's now my fault, not DBs iyswim

DB is v touchy about his weight and looks for offence where none is given so I am worried.

BF is careful and just doesn't break stuff - she dances like a butterfly and I'm sure she could walk the tightrope without any difficulty

My uncle used to break our chairs all the time when I was a kid. He wasn't fat he was just huge! 6ft 6 and broad and very very clumsy. He was given the sturdiest chair when he visited and told not to sit anywhere else. If your brother has broken your stuff before I'm sure he'll understand if you tell him in the right way.

Tell dh he can be the one to tell your giant brother he's not allowed to use the furniture then!

Im a heavier woman, I tend to be very careful as it's embarrassing to damage stuff

Women tend to be much more consious of their size (because everyone else is much more conscious of their size...)

Griswald - agreed in most cases but DB was bullied by DF for his weight and had food issues so he's v sensitive. He also has a disability which (doesn't effect his sitting down) but he has a form for finding offence where none is intended e.g. My DM told his daughter she looked very grown up - meaning it as a compliment but he felt she was being accused of dressing inappropriately and DM was told off (and confused)

When stuff has broken he says it's shit quality and done in purpose so IKEA or whoever can sell more stuff- it's never his fault

Sorry trying to answer questions

When stuff has broken he is v embarrassed and angry and blames the item or the person who owns the item so when he broke the sofa it was a poor quality item that wasn't suitable for a family home etc. When the loo broke it was a cheap toilet in a rental house, not suitable for normal use etc.

Tell your DH he can tell your brother himself and if he doesn't then it's DH's fault if something gets broken.

If he wants to be ridiculous, be ridiculous right back at him.

Sorry, I meant that's why your friend (and I) are very careful on people's furniture. Your brother is a bit rude and if he was as self conscious would be more careful so as not to damage anything

And yes, your brother needs to pay for stuff he breaks

"Well, if it's so cheap, you'll have no issue buying us a replacement for us then."

"he'll think I'm saying he's fat"

I'd say he's probably well aware of it.

He sounds exactly like my DB, he breaks everything too. He once pulled out the light switch cord in the toilet, we could never work out how he managed that. He has a way of saying my name when he's broken something, my heart always sinks at this point, thinking, 'oh dear, what have you done now???'

Yes, I would deliberately lose the key in your shoes, just act really apologetic. If it was my DB, he wouldn't suspect a thing.

Let your DH handle it.
Or you could say to your DB that the furniture is fragile so you don't think he should sit on it, he is welcome to but if he chooses to and it breaks he has to replace it. Then it is his choice.

Is he dyspraxic?

How was the visit, any breakages OP?

The visit was lovely 😊 no breakages. I must have laid it on a bit thick because after a few mins he smiled and said 'so this is a chair not a trampoline, right?' Pointing at the vintage chair. Oh dear!

Thanks for all the advice.