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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think his aunt should've at least called?

32 replies

Hmmmmx100 · 01/09/2017 09:42

DS had a birthday last week, he had a lovely time and was spoiled rotten by us for the day. He has an aunt living overseas who pretty much ignores his existence, and she hasn't sent so much as a card for him. In fact she didn't even text or call to wish him a happy birthday. It burns a bit because her social media is mostly about her buying pretty things to adorn herself with.

AIBU to think this is a bit off? He's her only nephew and she lived with us for six months before she moved overseas, so she's spent significant time with him.

Luckily DS is still v young so not at all affected by it, but he's not far off an age where he'd notice her ignoring him completely.

I'm not bonkers and don't expect the world to stop for DS's birthday, and don't care about presents or cards particularly. But not even a text? Bit mean, right?

OP posts:

pigeondujour · 01/09/2017 09:49

Is she your sister or DS's dad's sister?

Alanna1 · 01/09/2017 09:52

I think that's unfair. Your children aren't her priority. I don't buy presents for all the cousins in my children's lives - they all have enough stuff.

x2boys · 01/09/2017 09:57

Would she even remember when his birthday is ? I have to be reminded when my nephews birthdays are and they are 15 and 13 and my sister tends to send ds2 card and present late and we are reasonably close she doesn't forget ds1 as his birthday is boxing day!

MsVestibule · 01/09/2017 09:57

It burns a bit because her social media is mostly about her buying pretty things to adorn herself with.

How is this relevant to her not acknowledging her nephew's birthday? Yes, I do think she could at the very least have sent a happy birthday message in some form, but this comment shows you don't seem to like her very much. Could that have anything to do with it?

grandOlejukeofYork · 01/09/2017 10:04

Why shouldn't she spend her own money on things for herself?

Other peoples children are just not very interesting to many. She lives in another country, she's really not thinking about your kid.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 01/09/2017 10:06

I wouldn't expect a relative overseas to ring their niece or nephew on their birthday. All my cousins/aunts/uncles lived abroad and I got a card but that was it.

However it doesn't sound like they're close so I'm not sure why you'd expect anything.

sparkleandsunshine · 01/09/2017 10:06

I think if she lived with you for all that time that it is a bit off for her not even to acknowledge it, but some people just don't think about anyone but themselves.
I have an auntie who hasn't met my daughter yet even though she's only 30 mins away. My daughter is 7.5 months old. She has a serious problem with anyone else being happy, achieving etc. Because she tends to give up on most things and has a spending addiction she can't afford.she spends and spends on credit cards and gets herself into scary debt. Then gets upset when she sees other people aren't in the same situation as her.
Wouldn't bother me, but she goes around telling people about her great niece and how cute she is etc. And showing them a picture my mum sent her of my daughter. She hasn't even met her!!
People are weird.

Travis1 · 01/09/2017 10:06

Do you have a close relationship in general? If not then it's a bit meh really. I forget peoples birthdays that I'm not particularly close with and tbh what she spends on herself is completly irrelevant to your childs birthday.

Original poster

Hmmmmx100 · 01/09/2017 10:06

I don't dislike her at all, but she is quite vain, that's all. Am completely prepared to be told that AIBU so thanks all for your comments.

OP posts:

grandOlejukeofYork · 01/09/2017 10:07

How old is your son?

YogiYoni · 01/09/2017 10:07

Yabu. Sorry. My DSes have two aunts. Neither called or texted for either of their birthdays. Meh. I don't do anything for their birthdays either. We just don't have that kind of relationship.

Witchend · 01/09/2017 10:09

My uncle was army. We often got Christmas/birthday stuff when we saw them if they were far away this could be when they returned. I remember the delight if having 2 birthday,2 Christmas presents to open in July (3 months away from my birthday). Never bothered me at all.

RB68 · 01/09/2017 10:11

How life changes - the cards I used to get from my aunties used to make my day as a child- mostly as I never got any other post and post is exciting at that age. These are Aunties. All my DD's Aunties and Uncles send cards as a minimum, same goes for her cousins, ie we all send the kids cards. We might be a bit late with our own to each other but not the children.

Nomorechickens · 01/09/2017 10:12

She is not interested in children. Up to her. (her loss)

Original poster

Hmmmmx100 · 01/09/2017 10:13

This is what I was raised with too RB68, huge extended family, tonnes of cards. Looks like I need to readjust my expectations based on most replies.

OP posts:

RonSwansonsMoustache · 01/09/2017 10:18

I have a massive extended family but I never got cards or presents from most of them.

Not everyone does "families" in that sense and even though she lived with you, that doesn't mean she's all that fussed about your child. I know that's probably not very nice to hear - but some people are just like that.

If she lives abroad she probably doesn't think about him all that much, simply because she's not reminded of him - especially if the two of you aren't all that close anyway.

PollyFlint · 01/09/2017 10:20

Do you send her cards to her on her birthday? If so then yes, she should probably send one to your child. If you don't, then there's really no reason why she should. Not everyone thinks birthdays are important.

he's not far off an age where he'd notice her ignoring him completely.

You said that she lives overseas so presumably he rarely sees her. He's only going to notice her ignoring him if you make a big deal out of it - which you shouldn't.

her social media is mostly about her buying pretty things to adorn herself with

So what?! She's entitled to spend money on herself, FFS.

I, personally, would always send a card and money to my nieces and nephews. But maybe it's just not something she's ever seen as important or obligatory. I don't think it means that she isn't fond of your son or that she is deliberately snubbing him and you should probably just not worry about it.

Tylee · 01/09/2017 10:22

I'm with you Hmmm. An aunt or uncle should buy a present for a kid's birthday, especially if that's the expectation in your family (if she's your sister and that's how you were brought up).
If she's your sister-in-law and that's not how things were done in DH's family, I'd cut her a bit more slack.

PollyFlint · 01/09/2017 10:22

she is quite vain, that's all.

Which is completely irrelevant to whether she sends your son a card or not.

softshells · 01/09/2017 10:25

I do think it's unreasonable, yes. My SIL lives abroad and doesn't really know her nieces and nephew.

PovertyJetset · 01/09/2017 10:26

It's weird that you care. Let this one go xx

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2017 10:26

YBUF you think she should and are upset she hasn't.
So next event don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

MsPassepartout · 01/09/2017 10:30

I agree it can be a bit upsetting when close relatives fail to acknowledge your DC's birthdays, but given that you write that she "pretty much ignores his existence" it surely can't come as too much of a surprise that there's been no birthday greetings?
If she's not at all interested in her nephew, she's not going to be making an effort to remember about marking his birthday.

Incidentally, I always have to check when my DNs birthdays are to make sure I get their cards and presents there on time. I know which months, but the precise date usually escapes me.

Willow2017 · 01/09/2017 10:46

He has an aunt living overseas who pretty much ignores his existence

So why on earth would you expect her to bother with his birthday?

Willow2017 · 01/09/2017 10:50

TBH what she does with her own life, what she spends her own money on is nothing to do with anyone else and totally irrelevant to whether she cares about birthdays or not.

Just dont expect anything and you wont be disapointed. When your child is older just explain some people do not care about birthdays and Aunty X is one of them, its not personal.

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