To think I can rehome an older dog when i have 2 preschool children and a cat?

[butterflyparadise]

I started another thread a couple of days ago in 30 days only relating to this (if anyone could link to it here that would be great!). It gives the background of how this came about.

I didnt get many replies and things have moved on somewhat since I last posted. It's turning into a distinct possibility that I could take over the care of the dog, Bella, that I rehomed years ago with my ex. She's roughly 12.

I need to think through the practicalities of taking on an elderly dog when my husband and I live in rented accommodation, have 3 year old twins and an elderly cat.

There is no issue around someone being home for Bella for a start, there is nearly always someone home so that's a big obstacle out the way.

My main concerns are the children and our cat.

Can anyone help me think about the practicalities of doing this and what I would need in place? Was thinking of speaking to her vet for some info too possibly?

My head is in a whirl.

When I say rehomed years ago I mean we homed her after her previous owner couldn't cope.

No one can really answer that, it depends totally on the temperament of the dog, the cat and your kids!

Generally cats will prefer a dog to another cat as a new housemate.

I would be worried that this is not fair on the dog

And elderly dog of unknown(?) temperament, who may become grumpy as eyesight/hearing/mobility begin to fail....and 2 pre-schoolers who won't have the control to not crowd/pester/hurt the dog

I suppose I'm looking to find out if it's doable.

I wouldn't be thinking about it I guess if I didnt think we could manage. I'm just concerned about the impact on the whole family. But i suppose the full impact won't be known until it actually happens.

My DH isn't a dog person. When I first brought it up he said absolutely no way. But he's softening a little. He knows how I feel about this and he'd do anything for me. I think he'd come round but I don't want there to be resentment further down the line. I said I'd do the lions share of the work with the dog but he's said if we were taking her on we'd all be taking her on fully and he'd throw himself into it.

Bella has a lovely temperament. Although she is very excitable and very barky. She forgets she's getting on a bit!

Not being fair on her is something I need to consider also but it's either that or an indefinite stay in kennels where she is now.

If her temperament was questionable I absolutely wouldn't be considering it.

Then...you need to think about how you are going to keep the dog away from the kids whilst you are not in the room...if you go to the toilet or the kitchen. Or if you are distracted by cooking etc

And the dog will need it's own space where it can retreat to and the kids absolutely will not follow

You need to consider any health issues....arthritis for example may cause pain and snappiness if the kids smooth the dog. Incontinence is another issue for elderly dogs....can you keep the house hygienic for the kids...What type of flooring do you have

Will you be able to take the dog out at least twice a day? How much exercise does the dog need....breed?

Dogs temperament can change as they get older...less tolerant etc. Just like humans

Yes I have thought about incontinence as she gets older. We have laminate in the living/dining/conservatory areas and carpeted hall/upstairs.

She's a mongrel.

How do people keep kids away from dogs all the time? Like going to the toilet? I was wondering this yesterday. At the moment the kids follow me to the toilet so just now thats not an issue!

I'm thinking the conservatory would be her "safe" place as long as we can keep it warm enough in winter. Evenings she can sleep in the lounge. Would need to drum it into the children to leave her be and not be alone with her without scaring them!

In theory I could do 2 walks a day but in the middle of winter with 2 young kids I'm not so sure.

I'll be back later. Need to go to work now.

What's the temperament of your 3yr olds? Mine would probably follow rules about a dog if we also had zoning in the house with gates and he doesn't really tantrum, but quite a few kids this age would be too excitable.

How do people keep kids away from dogs all the time

That would be the hardest part for me. Is why I didn't have a dog when my kids were small

I have read that people use crates. But it sounds like a massive continuous ball ache, with the potential to go wrong

Hopefully someone will be along, who has had older dogs with younger kids

Also...your husband. He will either fall in love with her/dogs. Or feel really annoyed by her presence.

Easiest thing is to take either the dog or the children to the toilet with you. Train the dog not to go upstairs and train your children not to bother the dog Also if you have gates as long as you shut them it should be fairly simple to keep them apart if you need to

I have two rehome spaniels who have lived with me for the past 18 months though not as old as the dog you wish to take on. The dogs have to adapt to you as well and ours have very different personalities. One does not like lots of people around the house and likes to be able to go to his bed for his own space. The other is a real house dog, family pet and loves to be around everyone.

We have older children and we only rehomed because they had been brought up with children of a similar age. It would be a no-no for me to rehome dogs who had not been with children.

We have been a successful rehome and they are loving dogs. But they are also time consuming and needy.

You seem to know the background to why there is a rehome situation and you need to be sure here. Ours was because the owner was getting divorced and having to work long hours. She very much wavered about parting with them and visited our home twice.

Whilst ours was successful, I know of a great many who are a disaster. A family member took on an American bulldog with young children. There was nothing wrong with the dog; he was just in the wrong house with the wrong owner.

An older dog will incur more vet bills and the possibility of losing her sooner rather than later. If your dh is not on board, I would urge caution because the care has tended to fall to me.

Our dogs main home is the utility room area with laminate flooring. They are allowed round the house but not upstairs. Just as well because this year has been horrendous for fleas.

We lost our elderly lab around two years back. She was failing badly and was incontinent nearly all the time. Although very upsetting, it was the right thing to have her pts and the vet told me I made the right decision for her. You would face this sooner rather than later.

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/3020100-Mine-and-exs-dog Here's] your other thread, OP.

I think you should take her. I'd say you still have some responsibility towards her, and, so long as your landlord is ok with the idea (you could offer a greater deposit or something) I think you should do your duty and take her in.

All very valid points from everyone.

If I didnt take her though what other options are there for her?

Re home her through a local animal rescue, or try Dogs Trust

How do people keep kids away from dogs all the time

Most people don't, to be honest - you'll often see people on MN saying 'You should never leave a child alone with a dog even for a second' but in reality, that's rarely a practical option. I genuinely don't know anyone whose dog is NEVER alone with their child. It really depends on the child and the dog and you simply have to assess the risk - just as you assess the risk when you decide whether to turn your back on your child for two seconds when they're playing on the slide in the garden or whatever.

How old are your children? Are they old enough to understand that she will need more and more space in her older years and might not want to play? Are they old enough to leave her be? My elderly lab has always loved children, but actually did a warning growl at a little boy who wanted to stroke her the other day, so I will not let her play/be bothered by children anymore - she's told me..

I swear by child gates. It makes seperation easy and allows the cats safe spaces. The cats will probably hate her initially (mine always do!) but come round after a few months and all get on well.

What breed/type is she? 12 for a big dog is getting quite old and she won't need as long walks. A smaller dog could have years left..

Could you have a chat to The Cinnamon Trust about other options or what they think?

I think it's totally possible to do this but a few considerations-
You'll have to walk the dog all year round. In the rain and in the winter. A well exercised dog is a well behaved dog. Particularly if she's excitable, that's how accidents happen with children that young. You can do early mornings if you don't want to bring the twins out, but decent daily walks are vital. If you can't commit to this, every day, dog's not for you.
I would say that everyone must be on board with the decision- if you aren't available/I'll your DH will have to care for the dog. It can't be down to one person. Also discipline/commands needs to be consistent.
Who would look after the dog if you were going on holiday or for all day outings to museums or places dogs aren't allowed?
Can you afford it? Older dog = potentially increasing vet's bills.
How trained is the dog and can you commit the time to further training. You don't have to do classes but the dog must have good recall, heel, leave and not jump up. It's important the dog is calm around children if you have play dates etc as some children will be nervous.
Do you have time for the extra household cleaning and grooming?
If the dog is crate trained separation is easier. We didn't crate train but my 5yo grew up with our now 7yo rehomed lab and never bothers the dog, particularly when he's asleep so kids can be taught to respect the dog without a physical barrier. However easier for me to supervise one child and one dog. Twins is a bit trickier. But I used to bring the dog or the child to the loo or shower with me in the early days depending on what was appropriate at the time. Now I still supervise but will leave them a few minutes alone in the same room if dog's asleep and child occupied. Never, ever unsupervised if either is playing loudly, excited or boisterous. Dog is usually asleep at home as he gets a lot of walks.
If you don't take her there are other options but statistics are against her. Dogs Trust is worth a look. Haven't read he background but Cinnamon Trust worth contacting if dog can stay with current owner.

I still the dog crate trained? A crate can help a lot and is worth trying even if the dog has not used one in the past. The trick is to take the time to crate train, e.g, soft bed in crate, all food in crate, all treats in crate and door open until dog gets used to crate.

Also put up baby gates everywhere you can. They are a quick and easy way of separating the DCs and dog in many different configurations.

What are your DCs like? Will they listen if told not to touch the dog? Supervise all interactions and remove the DCs if the dog shows any signs of stress. Look out for the dog's reaction when the DCs are shouting, running and playing rough. Keep DCs away from the dog when food is involved, e.g, dog eating, you eating, DCs go,ding biscuits, etc. If the dog is OK about food and gentle about taking treats supervise the DCs in giving treats to the dog ideally after the dog has performed a simple command like 'sit'.

Set up a dog free room for the cat. She is likely to freak out for the first few weeks so the DCs should avoid stressing her further by picking her up etc.

Worth getting Adaptil for the dog and Feliway for the cat.

How do people keep kids away from dogs all the time

As others have said they don't. I had dogs the whole time my kids were growing up. You need to train the children as well as the dogs. No pulling the dog around, or running around making the dog crazy, the dog is not a toy and I despair when I see people allowing their children to pester dogs (saw this happen to a poor husky the other day who was trying to move away, but was on the end of a lead). Kids should be taught that if the dog moves away then the kids should not follow them and continue doing whatever they were doing - the dog has said I don't want this and children should respect that.

She's not crate trained. I already have babygates everywhere.

With regards to the dogs trust and cinammon, i may look into this but that will be a last resort.

I need to speak with my landlord and ex next. Haven't been able to get hold of LL yet.

I've been speaking to lots of friends and family on the off chance but no luck so far. That's looking increasingly unlikely.

It appears it's only me that can take her on.