to ask for help organising my life?

[Noroutine]

I am 33, single and live alone. Over the past couple of years I have found it increasingly difficult to stick to a proper routine. My job is quite demanding at times and increasingly I have found it difficult to get a balance in my life.

I have been known to pull all-nighters to meet deadlines, skip meals to keep working through the evening and cancel weekend plans with friends so I can get on top of housework (which piles up during the week). Then I will go through a phase of catching up on sleep by lying in bed all weekend, and during weeks when work is less hectic/holidays I'll veg out eating takeaways of an evening and mindlessly watch TV or surf the net until 1 or 2 am (like now).

I take very little time or effort to make myself look nice. I am presentable- I am clean and wear decent clothes- but I am also very plain looking and make no effort to 'do' my face or hair. I know this is a bit of a shame as I could look nicer if I tried.

(I'll add that I am not important or highly paid in my job, just very busy. In fact I may as well say- I am a teacher. I am also studying a distance learning part time diploma, so I have essays to do now and then.)

I know my lifestyle is unhealthy and I need to change. But I have lost my boundaries and sense of what is a reasonable use of my time. If I have a pile of coursework to mark by tomorrow is it reasonable to leave it unfinished at 9pm to do the ironing? Is it reasonable to spend 20mins doing hair and makeup in the morning when I could be heading to work to get a head-start on the day? How long is reasonable to spend cooking a meal of an evening? What activities take priority in a Saturday morning, essay-writing or shopping?Is a lie in ever reasonable, and under what circumstances? When does it become unreasonable, 9 hours in bed? 12 hours? Is it reasonable to go out for a run when I have 30 reports to write? Is it reasonable to leave dirty plates in the sink in order to go work on an essay? Or is doing the washing up first a procrastination tactic?

As you can see, I have let things slip to the point where I have lost my boundaries and ability to prioritise effectively. I need help to conceptualise what a well-balanced and efficient daily routine should look like.

Can you help me? What are your non-negotiable tasks in day when it comes to self-care?

Thanks

You have to remember that much of your long hours will be at home, so there's nothing stopping you from sorting housework in your breaks. Weekends can then be reserved for fun stuff and batch cooking breakfast or dinner for the week (unless you want to eat out).

As for make up - I work in a prestigious industry and wear minimal - bb cream, bright lipstick, and a bit of concealer. Takes me 5 mins at most.

Little things like spending a bit of time once or twice a week prepping meals for the week has made a huge difference to me. Also I just iron as I go, each night shower etc then set out what I need for the next day. As for your workload I have no idea what to suggest! Teachers have been given far too much to take on, it's not fair at all!

Start to time things!

Washing up 15 mins - cooking should be around 20 - practice easy meals and shop online

Reports get a head start buy listing your class and make notes (X was great in the play Y was a brilliant runner)

Housework shouldn't be that bad with just you at home - target bathroom 20 mins 2 X a week

Kitchen clean every day

Iron clothes max 1/2 a week but aim to but non iron tops or leggings save loads of time

I always apply makeup but not much

Get motivated - morning shower dressed breakfast hair makeup - half hour max

After work - put something in the over clean bathroom/ vaccum/ make bed choose one! Put a load in the wash

Eat tea - do any extra admin jobs

Bed reasonable hour

Weekends - never cancel on friends - weekends you need some fun a few hours out won't make that much difference

Hi I also work in education and have similar problems dealing with overloads - especially when I have to do marking on top of everything else.

I have no great answers for you, but one thing I have noticed myself doing is that when I am tired (e.g. it's 10pm and I have more to do), I often make bad decisions like going onto Facebook and wasting 30 minutes (which will be subtracted from my sleeping time, because the work still isn't finished).

Basically, when I get tired I tend to make bad decisions and end up more tired.

So, I try to remember this and it helps sometimes.

Also, getting things ready the night before is great: laying out the table for breakfast, deciding what clothes I will wear, putting my bag etc by the door ready to go out, etc.

The thing about teaching is that it can expand to fill every waking hour (and most of the night) if you allow it to! You have to make time for yourself (I'm bad at this too).

I write lists of things I need to do - perhaps treat it the way we tell pupils to do revision. Make a weekly chart of your days and fill in slots of what you need to do that week. Make sure you schedule time in for yourself. So by all means put in marking from 7-9pm if needed. Then write TV/Mumsnet/Phone a friend for the next hour perhaps?

Be kind to yourself op

I work in a similarly demanding industry, and understand the temptation to neglect myself to get things done.
You say you're studying, do you have fixed deadlines for these essays? If so, then these are non negotiable (well, they are if your tutor is amenable! But you see what I mean) they have to be your priority, alongside your work deadlines. That doesn't mean you have to neglect yourself though.
I bought myself an A4, day to a page diary, and I block out parts of the day for tasks. I'm also a (an almost compulsive!) list maker, and everything I do that day goes on the list.
So it might look like
6.30am up, exercise class
7.30am shower (wash hair on exercise days)
7.45am make up, hair dried, dressed (I've chosen the night before what I'm wearing)
8am breakfast, grab lunch (made night before) from fridge, last min check of bag/notes/laptop (all sorted night before) put meat, veg etc in slow cooker and leave it on low to cook all day
8.25 out the door, get to work for 8.45 (obviously these are my timings, you can adjust as necessary)
8.45 - 5.30 (I won't bore you with work tasks!)
6pm home, unpack bag, put laptop on charge, sort out notes from day, wash lunch box, sort out work and handbag for next day
6.30-7.30 dinner, wine!! Catch up with dh and family. This hour is non negotiable, and is in my diary in red - red tasks can't be moved without a very good reason. Dishes in the dishwasher and quick wipe round the kitchen.
7.30-9 if it's a day I have to take work home/mark etc then that's the slot it gets. My phone is set to go off at 9pm and I have to stop then.
9-11pm is my time. Time with kids (mine are older) catch up with texts/phone calls to friends/ watch telly/load of washing if I'm feeling virtuous!
11-11.30 check diary for next day, lay out clothes, pack lunch, make up off, into jammies, asleep, or nearly, by 11.30.
Thats the minituae that would be in my diary if I know a particular week is going to be hectic - I have to have time slots for everything, and work out what's negotiable, and what's not. By making bedtime a priority in the week, I can avoid trying to always make up my sleep debt at the weekend, and I think that might work for you too.
Keep up with your friends as pps say, your work won't be there for you if you get ill or have problems, your friends will.
Make up wise, I wear no7 foundation and powder, Nars blusher (shade: orgasm, suits most) curl my eyelashes, and wear no7 extra length waterproof mascara (blue tube), benefit goofproof eyebrow pencil and clarins instant light lip comfort oil in honey glam (bit of sparkle!) all of this lives in my handbag so I can nip to the loo when I get to work if I'm really pushed for time, and emerge 5 mins later looking halfway human!
My handbag is a Mia Tui Elise (they have deals on just now) which has compartments and little bags within bags galore - it can fit my laptop at a push, and it's handy to be able to stick so much in it and just pick it up on my way out the door. miatui.com/collections/elise-bundle-offer
Clothes - I have to look smart. I have 4 pairs of black trousers, 2 skirts, 5 tops that are fairly simple in a variety of colours - like these www.next.co.uk/g2138s7#199867 and a couple of jackets if I have to go to meetings. I wear a variety of scarves for colour, but generally speaking I wear my 'uniform' to work as I know what I have, it's easy, and I can differentiate between work and home.
Make things easy for yourself. I use pre chopped veg if I'm really stretched to chuck in soups/stews etc, and a slow cooker or pressure cooker is your friend as they'll help you have proper meals, and you'll have leftovers for freezing/lunches etc. I have both!
Hope some of that helps

www.foxmoon.co.uk/collections/desktop-planners I like these planners too - I have one in my desk at work and at home - it can help to see it all written out somewhere. Echoing pps, be kind to yourself, don't run yourself into the ground, it's ok to take time for yourself and relax. Took me far too long to realise that, but it's true

I teach primary so don't know how the workload compares but I can usually plan for any deadlines. For me it is the constant marking that takes up time. I used to spend hours on school related stuff but now have 2 children under 4 so don't have the time. I find I work much 'smarter' now than before. I work as hard as I can before, during and straight after school. I give myself set time in the evenings. For example I might give myself 2 hours one evening and I've got to get x amount done so I work harder, rather than stop starting, going on internet etc.

I think you should prioritise seeingvfriebds at the weekend and fit in housework around everything else. You could become quite isolated otherwise. I always think that single parents with children and a job for everything in so there's no excuse for me. Good luck.

You have to get your priorities sorted. Teaching can fill all your time but it doesn't have to. You can't change everything all at once but with the new school year why not prioritise basic stuff. Ensuring you eat at normal times and go to bed at a reasonable hour and get some exercise a few times a week. If you live alone do a bit of cleaning/tidying daily to keep on top of stuff as it really shouldn't be that bad.

There should be no need for all night marking sessions unless you're leaving everything to the last minute. If your school has stupidly tight deadlines for marking challenge them and long term consider changing school. Its hard to prioritise your own life if your school doesn't recognise you have one. Some schools do deliberately employ young, keen staff who will work all hours. Find a school which understands you have a life.

Vikingprincess . Really impressed with your routine. Going to try and follow your example and start making lists!

sandgrown thank you! It was needed, and I'm not a natural list maker/follower, so asked a she's got to be magical she's so organised friend of mine who has the uncanny ability to not only be organised but make it look easy, to teach me her ways!! been up skyping a friend in Oz (was the only time she could make) but she's worth deviating from 'the list' for!! Good luck with the lists!

Thank you all for the advice, I am also very impressed by your list making Viking princess! I am determined that this academic year will be the year I get myself sorted, so I will put your advice into action today! :-)

Just adding to the admiration of viking princesses routine!! Will be adopting that one!

Make up doesn't need to take long. Foundation (I prefer powder foundation in a compact) mascara and lipstick, only takes 5 minutes.

As others have mentioned, get your stuff ready the night before, lunch made, clothes laid out, everything in your bag ready so you just need to pick it up on your way out.

When you get home, make and eat dinner, wash up, get stuff ready for next day, then do a couple of hours of marking/whatever until 9pm ish. After that, relax, watch tv, read a book, go to bed at a decent hour.

Do make time to see your friends, otherwise you will lose them.

A lie in at the weekend is fine, but don't lay in bed until lunchtime. 10am is late enough. If you're getting to bed early enough during the week, you shouldn't need too long.

Have a look at FlyLady to get some ideas on getting a routine going for housework. One of the things she teaches is to never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. Get them washed, dried and put away and wipe the sink down. It makes such a difference coming down in the morning to a clean kitchen!

I hope you manage to reclaim your life.

Wow vikingprincess, the OP asked for help with organisation and you did exactly that, I'm very impressed.
OP, re appearance, if your hair is long or mid length, go on youtube for ideas for easy up dos. My make up takes about 3 minutes in the morning: apply moisturiser after shower/ before before getting dressed them dab blobs of foundation on under each eye, one each cheek and forehead then blend with a foundation brush, brush blusher on each cheek then I use Benefits smokey eye kit, quick brush over eyelids with the paler colour plus a bit of contour in eye crease if I'm in the mood. The kit has eyeshadow and powder liner in one kit so quick swipe of liner on upper and lower eyes close to lashes, brush mascara over upper lashes (I find I smudge lower lashes when in a rush), I keep pinky brown lipstick in the car and apply before getting out of car at work so it lasts longer.
I would also go for a run first thing in the morning or after work as it can clear your head and provide an energy boost for the tasks ahead.
An anti procrastination technique I have used is the Pomodoro technique (google it), there are a range of online timers - make sure you do career work within the 25 minute slot then use your break to put a wash on or prepare lunch for the next day. I used to tell myself I would surf the web or watch TV etc after 3 productive sessions of 25 mins the time used to fly by and it would help with procrastination.
In fact, I'm getting off mumsnet and starting a session right now ...