That I'm a middle-aged woman and I still need someone to hold me hand

[rightknockered]

I'm tired. I'm sick of doing it all alone. I have three autistic sons that never sleep. I struggle to have a normal day. I live from one day to the next. I have pushed myself beyond exhaustion these summer holidays trying to cope. Their father has refused to see them unless I let him use my car. It took him 3 months to buy his own 7 seater (5 kids). But he is still messing around, claiming that he can't be certain of his arrangements even for this weekend until tomorrow afternoon. I know he is bullshitting. I have taken a hard line, like I did about my car. But honestly I'm shattered.
I wish I had someone to tell him how to behave in a reasonable manner, because this is another fight on top of all the other fighting I have to do for my children and I'm struggling to gather the emotional energy and psychological strength.
Would someone like to club him over the head for me?
I have vodka

I've got one with autism and a lovely DH. Keep the vodka for yourself. I have my own wooden club and will travel

I can't offer anything but sympathy and wine OP
Do you have any family or friends nearby who could take them out, or stay home with them so you can get some time to yourself? You're right to take a hard line approach, he has a car and he can't be messing you or his sons about with plans, that's not on. Outside of that I don't know what I can say other than I hope things pick up for you.

three!

ffs.

i have:
one autistic diagnosed.

one autistic, possibly, not yet diagnosed. plus other health issues... and I am fucking knackered, can not imagine adding another to the mix.

GrockleBocs yes please! I'm in East London.

He should have set times with the kids - if he can't look after them then he needs to arrange childcare - not you!! His time his responsibility!!

He can do he will!!

He's a complete arsehole. Still blames me for the end of the marriage, even though he abused me for the entire marriage. Apparently the kids are 'my job'. I wouldn't bother but they are heartbroken and want to see him. I'd rather keep them away from him, the amount of trauma he causes them.
Sadly don't have family that would help. But I made my peace with that a long time ago, I'm used to not relying on anyone.

Oh yes, he also sometimes just likes to turn up at the door with no warning and expects the kids to be so happy to see him. They're not anymore. Which is very sad, but he brought it on himself by constantly letting them down.
Oh yes, and he thinks I have turned the kids against him

I realise i'm repeating the same sentence structure, but have had vodka and don't give a shit

I'm trying to force the set times and consistency. Gets me nowhere.
I do worry that he gets to see my anger in text messages, I'm not good at grey stone techniques.

I fear it might take more than a club

You sound exhausted but strong, enjoy the vodka. He's a prat, doesn't know what he's actively losing..

I cant imagine how it is to have 3 autistic DCs plus 2 more. I can imagine how utterly exhausted you will be. ExH really does deserve a clubbing. He is a pain you do not need. The DCs wil get wise to him sooner or later and just refuse to go. The only problem with that is that you will not get a break. Perhaps you could ask for some help with the DCs from SS or NHS.
Best wishes

hope your head is not too sore this morning.

ex is a twonk, but not quite as bad as yours. He does not have them unsupervised at all, well not both at a time. occasionally I have left one with him when it would be more dangerous to take the one with me. (he runs away, refuses to walk and kicks out and is violent.)

also have no family.

Do you get any kind of respite (although from experience I know it can be rarer then rocking horse shit)I have one child with severe autism and learning disabilities and the summer holidays are never ending for you it must be tough.

That sounds jolly hard.

I have 2 children with a toxic narc and people keep asking me why I had any let alone 2! There is no answer - it is what it is.
Rest assured that every feeling you have ever had will pass, so your current despondency will pass.