Two disability/carer-related dilemmas.

[oxcat1]

Not really an AIBU, but just wondering if I have any cause to feel a bit cheesed-off?!

1. Because of serious long-term illness and disability, I have carers with me 24/7, in 2 shifts of 12 hours per day. my previous company supplied a microwave for the staff to use, and they did not make use of my oven or hob. I have moved, and now have a new flat - with a microwave - and a new care team. However, I have noticed that my carers keep bringing in food to be cooked in the oven (pizza, chicken Kievs etc) or on the hob (spag Bol, from scratch, or pasta with separate pasta sauces, or soup, with bread heated in the oven etc). Because my sole income is benefits, I try to be a little careful with oven use especially, trying where possible to cook several things at once whilst the oven is on, for example, and generally having sandwiches or salad for one meal a day, but my carers are sometimes now cooking themselves two meals a shift, including overnight.
   WIBU to ask the agency to ask if they could bring food suitable for cooking or reheating in the microwave, wherever possible, or is that mean?

2. I won a prize, based on coming up with some new workshop ideas for this particular hobby. The first prize was a free place at one of their classes - total value £18. Unfortunately, I didn't realise that the studio where these classes take place is up three flights of stairs, and given I am a wheelchair user, I won't be able to get up there. I contacted the organisers, and whilst they have apologised, they have suggested that either I give the class to somebody else (I don't know anyone else interested in this - that is partly why I wanted to win a class!), or that I spend £22 to cover the difference between a class and a 1-to-1, and they will come to my house to teach me. I know I should be grateful, but I can't help feeling slightly cheesed off that the only way for me to redeem my prize is to spend more of my own money, and just wondered if, just this once (given they have trumpeted my name etc as the winner), whether they couldn't do a 1-to-1 for the same price as the prize? Genuinely don't know if IABU though, so most certainly haven't said anything to anyone.

Too embarrassed to ask IRL as almost certainly just being tight about both things! Thanks.

Not sure about 1 but you are definitely not BU about the class!

Totally reasonable to say mircowavw only or to put on oven if it's on for you. Different if are living in for week at time but if day shift is 7am-7pm expect them have breakfast or something simple with you, bring a packed lunch or easy heat up then evening meal at home.

Night shift can eat before come then bring a snack to heat up. I'd be more concerned about spending hour cooking from scratch instead of whatever it is you need doing.

I have day carers and your right we have to provide basic stuff our own pocket when we only allowed keep basics when care costs are deducted to live on.

One - you're being tight, embarrassingly so & I say this as someone who has struggled financially due to disability too. But... if you really can't accept it, tell them. Or ask them to heat your meals at the same time too.

Two - the prize, absolutely agree with you, they need to find a way of giving you the prize you've won at no cost to yourself. Perhaps, initially a friendly worded email mentioning the equality act & reasonable adjustments 😉

I don't think you are unreasonable about the cooker use. We are on a low income and I do limit the amount of time the cooker is on due to finance. Actually, I rarely use it.

One - YANBU, you're on a low income and I completely understand where you're coming from. They should be bringing a packed lunch or something that can be reheated.

Two - YADNBU, they should be able to do that as a one-off considering you came up with the bloody idea and that they are not in an accessible location.

Plus it's a legal requirement to keep work temperature over a certain level is it 12 or 15c in winter? But for many people on benefits you simple can't afford that 24/7 especially in older houses. Yet legally we as employers are supposed to!

First is tricky, do you have regular carers through the agency? In theory I would say you're completely within your rights to ask the agency if they can bring something that either uses micro or non cooking, which is what is usually done in other HCA shift environments. Having done live in care many years ago (different from shifts I appreciate) as a career I know I would have felt a little odd at being told I couldn't use appliances (as in being paranoid I was annoying you) and I can imagine a regular career taking the hump a little. BUT it's YOUR flat, cooking spaghetti Bol from scratch takes time, I presume that's being done on their break??! Or to share maybe? I can't imagine I would have done that unless I had asked you if you minded or if it was for is both. Do you see your carers as purely staff or do you have a friendship? It's been a couple of decades since I did live in but I remember being really conscious of doing my very best to fit in discreetly into the life of my employer

Thanks for all the messages adn thoughts.

I have absolutely no problem with stuff going in the oven if it is already on, but I suppose I try to cook 2/3 meals at the same time for me, and as the carers eat at different times, I will then find it has gone on an hour or so later to cook their lunch. And of the course the same through the night as they are waking carers.

No problem whatsoever if we are cooking to eat together, and with some of my carers I do that, as I enjoy the company, plus I get to try new ideas, new recipes etc, and there is economy of scale - sometimes she buys the ingredients, sometimes I do, etc.

I was just a little unsure about things liking cooking the spag Bol, when it could much more easily have been reheated in the microwave - which is what I would do as I wouldn't have cooked for one.

Hummm. Plenty to think about, thank you.
In all honesty, I haven't got the balls to bring up either issue with anyone, but was just pondering!

I see that the carers are using your oven to cook their food. (Thought at first it was your food they were cooking.) It's not reasonable that you have to bear the cost of this. Ask for a contribution towards your fuel bills.

As for the second one. As a gesture of goodwill I think they should offer you the one to one free of charge under the circumstances but I'm not sure if they are legally obliged to/

Unless the prize was advertised as must be able attend at certain unaccessable place I would expect them to bear the cost given you can't get up there.

May be with saying goodness gas prices going up again going have to keep an eye and use it once a day. So need to let you know so can go on together etc.

Cooking whole spaghetti Bol on nightshift is strange. I mean what do they do with the rest? Or do they only bring 1/4 packet mince half tin tomatoes and half an onion ?? Surely if they are doing that must as well cook it at home. Or are they making large family size meal then taking it home for their freezer?? In which case more using your resources and time instead of theirs.

1. I changed my mind part way through. I was going to say that YWBU, given the lengths of the shifts (as opposed to, say, 8 hour shifts). But if your finances are sufficiently tight that you limit having your oven on for you, then you can't really afford to supplement their cooking bills.

2)Oh, looky, indirect discrimination. Lovely. I realise it probably depends upon exactly what it said in the t's & c's, but agree that it would regardless be a nice gesture if they upgraded to a prize that you could access.