to be so panicked about moving in

[uhohx1000]

Regular lurker, first time I've ever been annoyed/panicked enough to make my own aibu

Due to be moving in with a friend after living on my own for the last year. I've known him for about a year and he's one of the few people I've been happy to commit to living with (I've had plenty of nightmare flatmates and he is chilled and considerate).

We found a great house, reasonably priced and he seemed really happy. I've been trying really hard to strike the right balance between making an effort (helping him move in, locating cheap-ish furniture) and not overloading him with messages/spending too much time with him. We work together so very mindful we could get sick of each other if spending every minute together!.

We get on really well (although important to note we generally only spend afternoons/evenings together) and had plans to cook together, host socials at ours as we have a lot of mutual friends

BUT- today he was in an absolutely terrible mood, really stroppy with me and I'm panicking. I'm relaxed about pretty much everything apart from people being stroppy with me, I take it extremely personally and it makes me want to avoid them. He texted me a (curt) apology saying he was stressed with work.

My gut instinct is to hide, I want to stay in my current house and not commit to this. We have house stuff to do together but I don't particularly want to message him to organise this or spend time with him this weekend

I feel like he's acting like I'm his girlfriend he's reluctantly committed to and I'm really frustrated

AGH someone talk me down please :/

I think you need to let him know he's overstepped the mark. I'd give him the old shoulder until he properly speaks to you about it and you can tell him how it made you feel and that is not a nice feeling to have in your own home and it can't happen again.

He needs a clear message from you !

Clear message definitely- I think the thing which is upsetting
is I can't imagine him ever acting like this any of our other female friends

I don't think you should move in with him.

Trust your instincts. He's 'merging' with you in some way and he has stared to behave as if you should put up with his shit.

This is before you've even moved in.

It won't work. And Christ you work together too - it will be too much.

Cancel.

*started

Don't move on with him you only know him a year and he's giving you a glimpse of his real self

I am really freaking out because I think you're all right

So annoyed with myself- I've lived on my own for two years and consider myself a good judge of character. Was waiting until I found someone I liked and trusted before committing to this.

I have very little money, and all deposits, agency fees, furniture paid for. There would be an absolute shitstorm in my social group and at work if I just bailed on this- not that I can afford too!

Any advice on how to best go forward? Realistically I cannot leave for 6 months. Actually feel slightly heartbroken, ridiculously :/

Speak to him, explain how it made you feel, people often have different moods at different times but not everyone takes stroppy behaviour so personally so do do let him know how it affects you. Have a conversation about it and lay out your boundaries. Everything is paid for so be a grown up about it.

Oh shit. Right. So you have to live there for six months at least - and then you can move? In your position I might suck it up for six months and make a plan about where to go next. That way you won't lose out and you can take the furniture you bought with you.

As far as he is concerned, make it very clear what your expectations are. In terms of how you deal with the bills, expectations about people staying over (or not) etc - and make it clear you will not put up with his shitty moods.

Ooofff what bad luck! But if you can't afford to lose the money you've put in then maybe it's the only way.

Your circle of friends can back off though - it's no one else's business if you don't want to live with a moody prick! Let them move in with him if they're so quick to judge.

Six months will fly by. If you have no real option, brace yourself for a pain in the arse housemate and spend time in your room as much as possible. Don't get dragged into sharing food costs and cooking. Draw up a cleaning rota.

Good luck!

Jesus he was stress and you sound hard work. Give it he 6 months and work out your exit strategy for what you have written you are not romantically involved so that give you space.

But do let him know you are upset and how easily you can be upset so he is aware.

Thanks for the advice- will be cheerily planning an escape strategy

planetclom - I'm actually not hard work in the slightest, just want to be talked to with a bit of a respect like he manages with all his other friends. If he's stressed he can say so. I shouldn't have to tread on eggshells and feel like I'm hassling him when I have basic stuff to sort out- eg like today direct debit with estate agent

Can you please bear in mind this is someone I thought of a close friend (and he has repeatedly said similar) so I'm disappointed.

Realistically whoever you live with, at some point one of you will have a bad day. Even the best of friends have arguments. Are you sure he's the problem - or do you have unrealistic expectations?

Maybe I do

I don't like it when friends are rude/dismissive, particularly when it's in front of other people but that could be something I need to get over

I don't think you sound like 'hard work' at all.

You're potential moving in with a guy who has shown you that he may be moody when you live with him. Even 6 months of that behaviour is too much to bear. Can you share with someone else or rent on your own?