Mil is vile. I know a lot of people say that but it's true in this case.
She used to get completely hammered and rip shreds out of dh when he was depressed (when I was first on the scene as a friend)
She's emotionally manipulative and attention seeking (it doesn't matter what has happened to you she is going to tell you all about how sick and ill it is making her feel - she's got her dc trained to the point that they immediately worry how she will react as she is so delicate if anything bad happens to them)
She slags me off to all and sundry (it gets back) and sets sil on me or gets her to moan about me to dh.
Long story short I put my foot down early on in the relationship, made it clear that I thought she was behaving appallingly and that she could forget doing anything like that in our house.
It's culminated in an exceptionally nasty text from her a few days ago about how I 'wanted' to be sexually assaulted at a point in my past as apparently I'm an attention seeker and a reference to me apparently attention seeking after we had suffered a late miscarriage while on holiday.
To be fair I snapped and sent an equally offensive message back, detailing exactly what I thought of her, which on reflection I shouldn't have given her the satisfaction of.
I have said absolutely nc for me from now on but that I understand dh will not be. He's never been able to stand up to her. I don't want to split up with him because of her, he is a wonderful man despite of her.
We have two dc. While I have seen her be emotionally manipulative to dsd in the past she has done nothing wrong that I can name to dc and I believe she loves them.
It has been a few days since the last vile message. Dh wants to take the dc up for an hour soon.
Aibu to ask that he goes alone up there first and clears the air?
Mil has form for dropping jibes or insulting Dsd's Mum in front of her and I don't want that to happen to dc.