To ask for tips on asserting yourself?

[Wellington12]

Always found this difficult at work and get myself worked up inside
How do you calmly be assertive without getting nervous about it ?
It's mainly with junior staff I find this difficult as I think they are going to talk back ( which I've had in the past)
When I'm outside of work I worry about it Please help with some advice !

No advice, I'm in a similar situation, so waiting for the wise ones to turn up!

I'm not pretending to be an expert but I would advise:

• be sure of your facts first

- be friendly but not too friendly with those you manage

• smile even if you feel like hitting them
• always adhere to the policies of the organisation (actually, make sure there are comprehensive policies in place)
• be aware of the person's job description

I've found it useful when having to manage people, to 'blame' the workplace polices. "You see, THEY want it done this way'. It removes some of the personal element of you telling someone else what to do.

Honestly?

I practice. Every time I have a problem or will practice the conversation in the shower in the morning. I know it sounds crazy but naturally I'm not assertive, however I'm a manager so I need to be. My team managed to get away with so much in the beginning.

I have to make sure I know what I'm talking about, mentally prepare myself for arguments/refusals etc and arm myself with appropriate responses.
A few times I've had to pull out "we'll discuss this first thing tomorrow morning in my office, but for now you will complete your duties how I have asked you, or go home" and actually just walk away. I'm shaking on the inside but have started to be more confident in what I say.

Thanks for the advice so far .I'm naturally a fairly quiet person .
I wish I was louder and bolder as I think life would be easier...

An excellent book I read about assertiveness
www.amazon.co.uk/When-Say-Feel-Guilty-Systematic/dp/0553263900?tag=mumsnetforum-21
Best fiver you'll ever spend, and I use these skills on a regular basis. Doesn't mean I'm not shaky, or feel anxious when dealing with confrontation, but having the skills, and a script (I guess?) definitely helps. Also, the first time you use the skills, and the conversation goes the way you want, it gives you a huge boost instead of quietly seething as you've said yes to something you wish you hadn't
Some other nuggets of wisdom I've picked up:
No is a complete sentence.
If someone is trying to get you to do something and you don't want to, don't give an excuse. That's just starting a dialogue - eg
'Can you babysit my kid?'
'No, I have to take my own kid to the dr'
'Oh but you could take my kid with you'
'No, it would be easier with just my own kid'
'Oh i know, but if you could just take her/him it wouldn't really be that tricky would it?'
etc etc until the more persistent one (hint, not the non assertive one) wins.
In contrast:
'Could you babysit my kid'
'No, I'm sorry (if you like, to soften the no) I won't be able to'
'Oh' (silence - don't feel obliged to fill it. There will be mounting social pressure, don't give in, smile, breathe, wait it out. Don't cave. Don't. Nope, no caving. Just wait.....
'Oh, ok, I guess I'll have to find someone else'
(This might take a while, and people will argue, but keep your cool, or look like you're cool anyway, and just keep repeating yourself). If you feel like you're being rude, are you the person haranguing another to babysit your child? No, you're not, they are, so who's the rude one?
Try to care less about what people think of you. That's a harder one, but if you're aware of your flaws (to quote a certain GoT character) no one can use them against you. You know you're not assertive, so you're working on yourself. Any cheeky fuckers who've taken advantage of this don't want you to change, and they will use tactics to try and keep you doing their bidding. Ignore them. True friends will want you to be the best version of yourself, and will support personal growth I'm sorry, that's a terrible phrase, I'm ashamed of myself for using it

If you can practice these skills, even better. With a partner, or alone, just get used to saying the words. If with another, get them to ask for outlandish things to start with, and you'll easily shut them down. Once you're comfortable with that, practice a situation you're struggling with IRL, and get them to be as awkward and selfish as possible, Chances are, anything you deal with, after that, won't be anywhere near as ludicrous as the practice scenarios.