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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Our cat vs the neighbours claim on him

51 replies

northernshepherdess · 31/08/2017 01:08

Cats will be cats...and ours likes food...quite a lot.. he visits a few houses and I have never been funny about it.
However..he has settled on the house opposite as he had access to it when it was empty and although we have remained responsible for flea treatment and the like..they mostly feed him. He has been injured in their care and hidden from us until the injury was a limp. I suspect a break.
The family are weirdos.. mum does drugs and is a very heavy drinker, children are inappropriate and aggressive and have been kicked out of the local school. They have loads of weird men round and one of them stalks my teen. Her daughter harassed my son. The two youngest threaten the dogs. I can go on...
Today, again, they threatened my daughter and told her not to touch their cat. She is 6. It was the body language of the oldest daughter who has left school that drew my husband's attention to it.
She came over drunk about an hour ago. She accepted we had been reasonable and wanted to know what had happened.
She then told me she had seen him shut in the bedroom and that he had a routine and I wasn't letting him out. And I told her I didn't have to because he belonged to us.
As much as I hate the "ownership" term for a cat...i felt it needed asserting.
She then lost her shizz. Started screaming at me and telling me my dogs bark in the morning and sh7t in the garden and she's fed that cat for four years.

Cats protection said... keep him in. Husband says let him out but they better not say anything to her again (which they 100% will)
Which do I choose... let him out or keep him in

OP posts:

meltingmarshmallows · 31/08/2017 08:21

If he's 15 he may settle to being kept inside better than a younger cat. We've cat proofed our garden and ours love it. Less anxious and literally never try to escape / ask to go outside the garden.

I hate that people feed cats which aren't theirs.

FlaviaAlbia · 31/08/2017 08:54

Yes, SchadenfreudePersonified almost unbelievable...

Original poster

northernshepherdess · 31/08/2017 08:56

It's a very tough decision.
He just wants to be himself. He likes mooching other people's food bowls. He stole both cooked meat and chicken from various houses.
The problem for me is that everytime my daughter tries to touch him...they threaten her. This was irritating when it was their younger children... but when it's young adults threatening her...it becomes a big problem.
On speaking to them... it's not something they intend to rectify.

For those wondering about the man staring through my daughter's window...it is my older daughter. They have lots of men in their house. They are all unkempt. The mum comes home from work. She pretty much goes straight back out to drink with men at the bus station or pub.
My son rescued their daughter a few years back from a gang of boys in a park swapping oral sex for alcohol. Then we had problems with her not leaving him alone.

OP posts:

MimsyFluff · 31/08/2017 09:21

Have you reported to SS?

BlondeB83 · 31/08/2017 09:27

Keep him in and look for a new house!

user1490465531 · 31/08/2017 09:41

Seriously would you want to be stuck in a house day in day out.
Cats are natural hunters and get there mental stimulation from being outside.
Unless a cat is ill and has no choice all cats should be allowed freedom to the outside world if they choose.

Ttbb · 31/08/2017 10:05

Keep him inside and plot to have them evicted.

QueSera · 31/08/2017 10:48

We've always had indoor cats, theyre always as happy as larry.

metalmum15 · 31/08/2017 10:57

Drinking at the bus station. Classy. With neighbours like that I'd be more concerned about my kids than my cat. Are they renters? Maybe they'll ship out soon.

astoundedgoat · 31/08/2017 11:01

"They have loads of weird men round and one of them stalks my teen. Her daughter harassed my son."

"My son rescued their daughter a few years back from a gang of boys in a park swapping oral sex for alcohol. Then we had problems with her not leaving him alone."

And it's not your 6yo being stalked, it's your teenage daughter?

The cat is not the problem here. Do you own or rent? Why haven't you moved away before now or involved the police with the stalking and harassment?

BackieJerkhart · 31/08/2017 11:07

I'm surprised that he returns to a house where cats are thrown about

They probably have dreamies

Original poster

northernshepherdess · 31/08/2017 11:41

We own our house...they were moved here as problem neighbours from another location after a problem.neighbour was moved out of there.
I have discovered this morning that they have a different neighbour dispute raised against them already.
I can't list those details because it will most likely out the neighbour involved. But the men and children are part of it. Serious criminal damage, noise, nasty verbal abuse Etc.
SS are already involved. I've seen them here.
So in some ways yes...the cat is the least of my concerns but I was trying to keep the OP simple.
Ownership (urgh) of the cat only really needed asserting due to the fact they are repeatedly threatening and distressing my youngest daughter, not as a retaliation but simply because they are threatening my daughter for touching our cat which they openly accept doesn't belong to them.

OP posts:

PollyFlint · 31/08/2017 11:49

First of all, you really need to stop thinking of 'ownership' of your cat to be something to say 'urrggh' about. I know people like to think of cats as free spirits but the simple fact is that he is your pet and you are responsible for his care, regardless of what he does when you let him out. Effectively, you've treated your cat no differently from a stray that you sometimes treat for fleas and you have let another family take over his feeding. For four years. Even though you are fully aware that this family are a nightmare and aren't kind to him.

If you didn't see 'ownership' of your cat as a dirty word and had just asked all your neighbours from the outset not to let him into their houses and feed him, you might not have got into this mess in the first place. You haven't behaved responsibly and now you're paying the price.

Original poster

northernshepherdess · 31/08/2017 12:19

Legally pollyflint... I cannot stop them feeding him or letting him in...dont be mistaken in thinking I have allowed THEM to feed the cat for 4 years, as if they owned him. Everyone feeds him... no one else is threatening my daughter over it.
He is also not a stray. They know he's not a stray. They even use his name. Everyone uses his name because everyone knows who he is. Feral and outside cats also only get vetinary treatment and provided shelter and access to food and water that does not make them stray. Stray means that an animal does not have an owner or someone responsible for their care.
We have always been responsible for his care.

OP posts:

KimmySchmidt1 · 31/08/2017 12:30

Sounds like your cat doesn't like living in a house with dogs - and just look at the family it would prefer to live with!

Let the cat decide.

PollyFlint · 31/08/2017 12:32

Everyone feeds him

And you should have asked them all not to do that and not to let him into their houses, right from the start.

NotMyPenguin · 31/08/2017 12:35

I really don't think anyone should need to specifically ask others not to feed their cat or let them into their houses! It's a basic thing... you just don't do it unless the cat belongs to you.

Would you say you should specifically tell other people not to nick your money out of your purse, or else it's somehow your own fault?!

BarbarianMum · 31/08/2017 12:45

I'm amazed he keeps going over there if they treat him as badly as you say. Esp as he has other (food) options.

IcecreamSundae2 · 31/08/2017 12:59

This has been going on for four years and you've let your pet access such a dysfunctional home and had reports of animal abuse and done nothing to protect the cat, it's just an issue now? Also, the cat had access to the house when it was empty, how? The cat has been hurt and you suspect a break, are you going to take it to the vet? If it needs a cast this is the perfect opportunity to keep it indoors so it can recover and break the routine of going to this horrible place. You owe it to the cat to protect it.

MehMehAndMeh · 31/08/2017 13:04

Keep the cat in. They've already injured him, they (or one of their random visitors) could eventually kill him. All it takes is one cat hating drunk random they've invited back.
Involve the police with regard to the threats of violence, stalking and other anti social behaviour.
If your cat doesn't take to being indoors, build him a secure outdoor cat run.

Original poster

northernshepherdess · 31/08/2017 13:09

Sorry..i forgot to say. The reason I don't like the word ownership :-
I can own a car... I can stop someone driving it. I can stop someone fuelling it.
I can stop someone taking my bike.
I can stop someone trespassing.
And if I have problems I can call the police.
I cannot stop people letting my cat in or feeding him and I cannot call the police to tell them they're doing it because it isn't a crime.

OP posts:

Amd724 · 31/08/2017 13:12

I'm a cat owner, my cat is semi-outside. She comes home each day, doesn't eat at other peoples homes. I'm assuming this is because she has exquisite (read, expensive) tastes and will only eat a certain type of food. How fancy of her. How awful for my budget.
But anyway, she does like to sleep in our neighbours garden because they haven't mowed their lawn (in years). If they wanted to claim her because she goes in their garden, eats a bit of their grass, then I'd be very unhappy.

Is your cat microchipped? Do you have a collar on the cat? Although the cat will be incredibly unhappy, is there a way to make it so the cat can no longer go in that garden? We keep our cat in when we're gone, when we're sleeping, because we don't want her getting into trouble. Also, start feeding your own cat so it doesn't have any reason to go to the neighbours. Make it so the cat isn't even hungry when it leaves your house each day. That may be a reason my cat doesn't eat any one else's food.

Get the cat microchipped, because you can always complain that they have your cat (ownership) because you're the registered owner of the chip. Do you have pet insurance on the cat? When I signed up, I had to provide proof that she's my cat.

Amd724 · 31/08/2017 13:14

I've heard of little play areas for cats that you can put outside, that are fenced/fully enclosed. If the cat likes to roam, that's too bad. It keeps getting into trouble (and these neighbours are trouble) and like a PP said, you need to protect it from itself.

metalmum15 · 31/08/2017 13:53

You might not like the word ownership, but if you bought /rescued the cat, feed it, pay for vaccinations, vets bills, food, catteries if you're away etc, then you are the owner. Not the neighbours down the road who feed it. It's absolutely no different to owning a house, car, dog, furniture, fancy watch whatever.

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2017 14:05

Get the cat chipped.

Try and keep it in.

If any of your family are threatened, call the police.

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