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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected an apology

39 replies

ladyofourmadhouse · 30/08/2017 23:57

So today at the Yorkshire Wildlife Park, a larger lady walked backward away from a fence and knocked 4 year old ds to the ground.
she then has the nerve to tut at me. She doesn't apologise or ask if he's hurt or not.
Who in their right mind thinks this is ok?

OP posts:
bluekite · 31/08/2017 00:00

Sounds like she was very rude. Why does it matter that she was large? Everyone has spatial awareness. Her weight doesn't factor into it.

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 00:03

My son is quite sturdy on his feet and she knocked him back quite a distance, she would have known she hurt him so for her not to ask if he was ok was particularly rude/hurtful. A smaller built person wouldn't have hurt him so much.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2017 00:05

ANY person backing into another person should apologise. Their relative size is totally irrelevant.

passmethewineplease · 31/08/2017 00:06

Size is neither here nor there.

If you bump in to someone, you apologise.

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 00:07

I only put 'larger' as I wanted to stress how much he was hurt. Sorry for any offence caused.
He has quite a nasty graze on his elbow and a bruised lower back. He was seen to by a member of staff as he also had banged his head so need to keep a close eye on him tonight

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 31/08/2017 00:08

She sounds bloody rude.

Sarahsue1 · 31/08/2017 00:08

Graze and bruise?! That's awful. I hope you had a word with her - not. On. I don't know how anyone can knock over a child, or anyone actually, and not instinctively check they are ok / apologise. Fucking brutish and outright rude.

TyneTeas · 31/08/2017 00:09

How close was he behind?

It's not unreasonable to expect to be able to take a step back without bumping into someone.

bluekite · 31/08/2017 00:09

Then she was horrible and very rude. Not all fat women are like her and it clearly did not matter that she was fat. A thin lady could just as well have backed into him without realising. It's uncomfortable that her size was brought into the matter.

I hope your son is okay.

Sarahsue1 · 31/08/2017 00:09

Meant to read 'not on'. Stupid phone!

Comedyusername · 31/08/2017 00:09

YANBU - of course she should have apologised. I'd like to think I would have said something to her, but who knows.

And the OP has helped paint a mental picture of the situation describing her size, conveying the relative size difference.

IvorHughJarrs · 31/08/2017 00:12

Of course she should have apologised, that is just basic manners.

Not sure that being larger has much to do with anything, knocking him over is probably more to do with how quickly she moved, how he was standing, etc. I am very large but don't find I bowl small children over any more frequently than anybody else

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 00:12

Again I do apologise for causing offence.

He was a few steps behind her, she took 2 or 3 steps back before she hit him. I saw it happen and did try to grab him before she hit him but I also had the pram and couldn't get to him quick enough.

OP posts:
milliemolliemou · 31/08/2017 00:12

She was either spatially completely unaware, drunk or not compos mentis. Or your DS had run into her and it was completely accidental hence the tut (still unjustified). Clearly not a person (large or not) one would want to come up against. Hope your DS is thoroughly checked out.

Could you have said something to her at the time?

Just put it behind you.

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 00:16

I normally would have said something but I had the pram with a 4 month old in, ds crying his eyes out and I just wanted to make sure he was ok.
He seems fine, he's got spider man plaster especially for him arm, which he seems rather proud of, but is sleeping with me today so i can keep an eye on him.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 31/08/2017 00:44

Of course she should have apologised, but you need to teach your DS not to stand right behind people, especially when people are likely to step backwards (like at a zoo) when you can't generally move forwards and until he understands that you do need to watch him & tell him to move back etc. People who don't have small children often don't look to see if one has crept up behind them before they move, the onus is on us to keep them from being accidentally knocked over.

She does seem like a proper cow though, whether it's your fault or not, anyone half decent would apologise & ask if they're ok.

SkylarFalls · 31/08/2017 00:47

Of course a a larger mass can do more damage than a smaller mass moving at the same speed! FFS the person's size IS in context in this scenario!

I'm not a lithe little thing so if I backed into someone I'ld acknowledge that it'ld be more likely to knock em over!

quizqueen · 31/08/2017 00:50

So, it's okay to call the woman a cow, but not fat when, clearly, she was not a cow but she was fat!!!

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 00:52

AnnieAnoniMouse he wasn't actually that close to her at all.
When walking past groups of people I hold his hand but this particular area wasn't that crowded.

OP posts:
theftbyfinding · 31/08/2017 00:52

Lot of touchy attitudes on here about describing the truth of the matter. A fat person bumping into a child will hurt a damn site more than a thin person. It was perfectly reasonable detail.

jroz · 31/08/2017 00:57

She was probably embarrassed knowing it was her size and reacted defensively

LeakyLittleBoat · 31/08/2017 01:01

Teach your kids not to stand behind people?? Come on now. How about people look behind them before they start moving backwards especially in a crowded place like a zoo where there are likely to be people, including small kids, standing or even walking behind them. Can you imagine the same principle applied to a reversing vehicle in a car park? Oh, It's ok drivers, don't bother looking in your mirror or over your shoulder for people behind the vehicle - they shouldn't be there anyway.

sizeofalentil · 31/08/2017 01:01

I can see why OP mentioned the person's size - a larger person hitting in to you would hurt more than a smaller person. OP only described her size in relation to describing the injury. There wasn't any judgement to it or any comment on the person's appearance.

Original poster
ladyofourmadhouse · 31/08/2017 01:03

Jroz I never thought of that, could be but she tutted as if it was our fault and actually saw my son on the floor.

OP posts:
jroz · 31/08/2017 01:11

I just imagine that it could be an embarrassing situation if the impact is obviously made worse by your weight, and if you're sensitive about your weight, it could feel easier to outwardly (and inwardly) blame anyone but yourself, even a 4 year old.

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