To seek your middle management RESILIENCE tips and recommended reads

[SelenaMeyer2016]

I'm desperate!!

Have worked my way up over past 20 odd years and landed my dream job earlier this year - I hate it and it is making me feel so confused about what to do.

In a nutshell:

My peers on the Senior Team seem to be quite closed to me and not very welcoming. I seem to have been labelled with a WORD (don't want to say what it is in case identifying but think along the lines of efficient etc) they seem to apply it in the most negative way. I have had a different career path to them but it just feels a little unkind and not very welcoming or supportive. I have raised with my manager in a bright and breezy way and they seem fairly supportive towards me however it is really starting to get to me.

Also my senior team peers are rude. I'm taken aback by the bluntness (and I am direct) and find it really off-putting when trying to work in a joined up way.

In terms of my work I think the job description undersold the amount of work in one area, which encompasses people management. I am an experienced manager and thought I had good resilience but this is really testing me - everybody seems very stuck in their roles and whilst they love to moan about what is wrong there is no action to contribute to making it work well. I am getting constant/daily feedback from my senior manager peers about my team and work not happening. Despite me coaching, suggesting ways of working, suggesting l&d, management tools etc nothing ever happens and I just find I am repeating myself over and over and no real progress is being made. I've now linked to performance reviews but god I am finding it hard. At this point I just want to say that I have had many other roles high performance/delivery but this is by far the hardest (and unfriendliness).

The managers in charge of the teams are fairly inexperienced which is taking up my time but also instead of managing are entrenched in the moaning and inaction - how can I support them forward and support them to manage? I should also say that I think that there is over promotion where I am and I am shocked by the lack of ability compared to my other team leaders I have managed. Needless to say because this is taking up so much of my time it is starting to impact on other work.

There is also all the usual infighting and resistance to change which I am trying to provide reassurance on (people seem to be taking very personally which isn't the case - these are all really experienced people and I want to retain them) it really is about delivering what needs to be done and adding clarity to process to improve feedback. How can I make this clearer so that I have the support?

Also, and this is what I have found upsetting, is that they have often made comments linked to my childcare arrangements and hours worked. To me this borders on bullying - my childcare is no one else's business but my own and as it happens I am extremely lucky so my children are very well looked after. Any experience of pushing back or blocking out these types of comments? This is a new one for me and feels very bitchy and below the belt.

There are also other issues but at the moment these don't seem as important. I am seeking a mentor and will also look for a coach which is probably a better fit for what I am experiencing immediately.

As I said this is a role I really wanted - it fits into my career development and also my study outside of work. But I'm just not sure I can take it anymore. Any tips you can share or books/ted tales to recommend?

I would be really grateful.

Why did the previous post holder leave? Could he/she have left due to the very same reasons? Whilst this sounds really frustrating for you, and I can see upsetting, it sounds like an ongoing organisational problem. What has your line manager/senior staff recommended?

Literally only feedback so far has been 'stick with it' in an encouraging way.

My LM is very busy so we have a scheduled catch up every few weeks and the rest of the time I seem to just be using my judgement and experience. But this is where I really need the team to contribute!

I haven't mentioned the manager peers yet as I hoping that I can cultivate and craft those working relationships. That said I am feeling pretty low.

There is so much gossiping and infighting I don't know who I can go to and it feels unprofessional of me to tell tales to my LM if that makes sense?

It was a brand new role which made it even mkre special - I had such high hopes!

I bet there are a few very influential disruptive people in your team and the wider team. It sounds very difficult. And teams like that can take a lot to change. I think IIWY I'd

Remain professional- don't rise to it, keep up your high standards, don't discuss your childcare or working arrangements at all

Run some sessions around "what to do with feedback" do making it clear that if there are ideas for change xxx is the route to take (e.g. Line manager, xx policy)

The peers thing, let them bitch, just be professional and do your job.( I wonder if they think you'll show them up?)

I'd make sure every manager reporting to you has objectives around your own objectives so they're incentivised to deliver for you

Have you made all the objectives clear? Do so if not. Go down performance improvement routes if people don't do what you ask of them

And you don't have to tell tales to your lm but you can say " x isn't doing Y so I propose xxx to deal with it (performance management, sacking, replacing etc )

If someone is rude I take them aside and say "you may not have meant this but when you said xxxx I found it rude / insulting / patronising so I wanted to let you have that feedback and to consider how we could do that differently next time" - pretend to be American in your head if it helps!

On the infighting iiiwy I'd take each instance as it comes, on its own merits, ignore the rest, it's just noise. People behaving badly because they don't like change, I bet. You could also ask them for their opinions on proposed changes and implement their ideas where appropriate, if that's something you're able to do.

What support do you get from senior management? If this is a new role, you need their backing all the more but they may not be used to having to do this. For example, what does your line manager think if you were to follow through on performance management? I would state things matter--of-fact and update him to gradually gauge reaction and lay the ground more and more. It sounds like you have to build up to an example being made with one of your subordinates.

If you're in a new role, has a clear message gone out about why that was created? Some people may resent what they perceive as a position being carved out for you.

Thanks all. Really appreciate you responding. I'm on my way in now.

I'm not sure how much The senior managers (my peers) have been told about my role and the benefits. There is a lot of silo working though.

Performance management is the way I must go but I think it will be very unpleasant- there is something similar, or possibly is, entitlement to their roles which I get as they have not been managed at all.

Please feel free to add any more suggestions!

Thanks

New jobs are always tough I find. I'm 2 months into mine and although it sounds less tricky than yours it's still stressful. I definitely feel like I'm still finding my feet.
General resilience tips for bad days that I've found useful:

• exercise makes a huge difference to mood and energy
• mindfulness via the headspace app
• getting out into the countryside at the weekend
• watching comedy/drama
• reminding yourself that nothing stays the same, bad peoples move on, bad situations evolve and working your way through them will help build your strengths
• oh and finding allies at work makes a huge difference. Someone to share the pain with.

Best of luck OP

Clear tasks and objectives for each manager under you and then performance management.... How many people are you directly line managing? It sounds like too many? Do each of these managers teams have clearly defined tasks? It sounds like their might be a problem with the structure of the organisation or that there isn't a clear operational plan.... If that might be the case you can take this (among with a proposed solution) to your manager....

Thanks all. Really good food for thought and action here! Love the plans and am just going to have to brace myself for performance management.

Past experience does tell me this won't last but I am doubting my abilities at the moment... I'm literally in the fake it until you make phase. Plans, performance management, and speaking to LM and senior management peers.

Blue jelly - just want to jump on your suggestions; yes yes yes! Part of my resilience is keeping perspective which is what I have lost. All the best for your new role as well

Thanks all - if any of you have any reads then please do recommend as well.

Thanks Selena - hope you have a nice chilled weekend, don't think about work!

Hi Selena,

The only thing I would add which I find invaluable is grow and actively maintain your external network: this will help with perspective, get you allies in the same profession if this turns out to be a non-starter at work, be a good sounding board for any initiative you do want to embark upon and, most importantly of all, be a valuable job hunting resource of the next post.

In my role I frequently see the people who surrender to the silo mentality get themselves stuck in a rut. I have frequently found conversations with people in similar roles elsewhere has saved my sanity. If there isn't already an active professional network to join, start with some CPD or Twitter. Good luck with everything!