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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So frustrated for my DD and sporting activity

20 replies

Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 30/08/2017 22:51

So my DD has just been paired up with another child for a sporting activity. They will be paired up for the foreseeable future. (Unfortunately)
It's just such a shame and I'm so bothered about it. I know other parents think the same about this kid as what I do as they have all voiced experiencing the same issues. Although I have kept my opinions to myself.

They've been paired up before but it didn't work out well. The other kid was bossy, refused to practise and generally just was not pleasant to be around. I know that both kids aren't angels but my DD does try really hard and was always quite frustrated that the other kid just didn't bother or care. Which definitely zapped out some of the fun from the experience - an experience which I pay good money for!
For a while they've been paired up with other kids and everything for DD has been fine. She's been happy and it's been working well but queue new term, new teams. Now They are partnered back together and it's just such a disadvantage for DD. She wants to learn and grow but she won't get anywhere if her partner holds her back.
AIBU to be so annoyed off with this? Would it be mean of me to ask the coach to separate them?
.

OP posts:
MunchMunch · 30/08/2017 22:56

If you complain and dd gets swapped then someone else will be paired with the other child and the same problems will still be there. I think it sounds like the coaches need to step in and have a word with the parent(s). If it's squads rather than a rec class then they need to be told their dc doesn't have the work ethic to be able to be in the squad.

MunchMunch · 30/08/2017 22:59

I don't know why but I get the feeling that it's acro? If so, I'd be worried that my dd could be in danger if the other child decided they didn't want to do the moves safely so you definitely need to spread to the coaches.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 30/08/2017 23:00

I get it that you don't want to out yourself, but I'm struggling to understand. I'm trying to think of sports activities where you'd have a partner (tennis, wrestling, boxing came to mind) and surely for all of them you when you're learning it's of benefit if your partners swap and change so you play people of different abilities/different strengths and weaknesses???

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/08/2017 23:04

Gymnastics?

Ask for a change...point out you've been here before and it didn't work. You are paying after all.

ferrier · 30/08/2017 23:07

Coud be tennis or similar. It's common to pair up for a season to enter doubles tournaments.
I wouldn't be happy either. The coach needs to know that people don't want to work with this child.

Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 30/08/2017 23:20

Agreed I don't want to be outing at all. Yes its a gymnastics type of thing.
I messaged the coach to ask if the teams could be reviewed and he has responded to say they work well together so will be good for each other.
I know this isn't true! The kid is a bully and is bossy. Is lazy so refuses to be involved and refuses to practise. My DD is no wall flower but she is eager to be liked and so doesn't always stand up for herself. The kids just clash. And it is the same school.
How can I approach this With the coach? I don't want to cause any issues or stir the pot but my want for DD to not be stuck with this brat seriously outweighs my want to not sound like a nut job mum... Smile

OP posts:
bluekite · 30/08/2017 23:26

How long ago was it since your child was last paired with this kid? Do you know that she is still the same?

Is this a school activity (i.e. compulsory) or something that is paid for?

New term, new teams. How do you know this child hasn't grown a little since the last time your daughter was paired with her?

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/08/2017 23:31

Have other children complained about this child and that's why she's back with your DD?
Does coach think DD will just put up with it?

I would be honest with coach and say you both know other child is a knob and it's not fair on DD. She's won't continue with sport if she has to work with knobby since its not fun/fair. She's had her turn with dealing with knob and its someone elses turn.

Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 30/08/2017 23:32

The parents of the last child that the kid was paired with, complained very regularly, very loudly - They experienced all of the same issues that we had. So I'm aware that the kid has not changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 30/08/2017 23:35

I like your approach Beep. I'm going to have to have this chat face to face with the coach though. I dont want anything misconstrewed over messenger... I suspect that is the case. Coach must just assume that DD and I will just put up with knobby like behaviour.

OP posts:
Catinthecorner · 30/08/2017 23:35

I know our previous experience with child have been bad. I know the Johnson's had a series of bad experiences with child. At this point I need my child to be paired with someone else or my money returned

HunkyDory69 · 30/08/2017 23:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 31/08/2017 00:01

Nope. Think that is just a Pp giving me some friendly advice on how to approach it with the coach x

OP posts:
bunningsbunny · 31/08/2017 00:06

I reckon the coach has said that to try to fob you off.

I would be that mum and go back to him, saying that you had tried to be diplomatic the first time you spoke to him but as he obviously didn't spot quite how worried you are, you are going to lay it on the line for him. That you found the other dc to be lazy, bossy and a bully, that your dd worked so much better when she was away from the dc and on top of that was so much happier as a person, that you were both so happy when your dd got to work with other people but that discovering she had been put back with the bully made both your hearts sink.

Is there another group you could say that you would join if it's a choice of being paired with the bully or leaving or does the coach know that is unlikely to happen?

I reckon that the bully is easiest to manage when she is with your dd which is why she has been put with her - maybe a little of your dd's work ethic rubs off or she takes the bullying rather than answers back so (again for the coach!) there's less friction to deal with or maybe the bully asked to go back with your dd?

I'd try saying to the coach that your dd has done her term of hard labour being partnered with this girls and that as there are xx other girls in the troop you don't expect your dd to have to partner her again until xx terms have padded

coriliavijvaad · 31/08/2017 05:56

The parents of the last child that the kid was paired with, complained very regularly, very loudly
Do likewise, and more so. The coach is hoping you and your DD won't have the courage to stand up for yourselves. Don't give in and don't be half-hearted or overly kind in your objections.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2017 06:26

It sounds as if your dd has been paired with this child precisely because you didn't complain loudly and frequently the lasg time around. I also expect your child is quiet and serous and doesn't complain either. So you are going to have to be very vocal as it sounds as if the coach is taking the easy option.

Out2pasture · 31/08/2017 06:33

you pay for coaching say no

Farahilda · 31/08/2017 07:06

How much does your DD want to do this activity?

Are there any other clubs which offer it?

The problem here is the other trainee. If it is the nightmare person, they need to be switched round so that it is not always the same person who has to put up with it. You've had your turn, and you need to tell the coach that you are not prepared to do another. Unfortunately, if the coach won't budge, you have no option other than to leave this club.

sashh · 31/08/2017 07:35

but I'm struggling to understand. I'm trying to think of sports activities where you'd have a partner (tennis, wrestling, boxing came to mind)

I know OP has said what it is in general but things like ballroom dancing, ice skating, synchronized swimming are all activities that you NEED the other person to be training as hard as you.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 31/08/2017 09:34

I think you need to make a fuss. Beeps response is a good one.

If the coach is difficult, you can always move clubs. My niece did and it was a great move for her (different reasons though).

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