People not believing you...it really gets my goat

[Hannahbaker]

AIBU? And how do others handle it?

I feel like this happens a lot. That i tell people I've done X, and they don't believe me. Or I've left something in a certain place and they can't find it.

At work, someone will be looking for a folder or file, or email even. And i say where it is (this is often when I'm not in the office so I can't prove where it is) and they disbelieve me.

Happens outside work. I have a cleaner (i know that not everyone on MN agrees with cleaners but anyway) who often says she can't find something. Or can't switch something on (no reason why not, again though I'm not there to check).

I sold something recently and got endless msgs, asking where this and that part was. I'm not looking at it, how am i meant to know?

Final straw is I was passed/ loaned some items. I have returned them. Person i loaned them from says that half the items were not there. I know this isn't true because I checked before giving it back. I said as much, but I keep getting more questions, can i check, do i have this or that thing. And i don't because i returned everything. Now i appreciate the items being loaned and don't want to be rude because it was a generous offer but when i know I've given everything back, being questioned is a little annoying.

I will be asked over and over if I've made a mistake, bosses don't believe when I say no and then they find error came from elsewhere
You reminded me - I did a complex calculation at work, and provided all the workings, and summarised the answers in an email. Someone else passed it onto a customer, writing his own email, but accidentally changed the units on the result.
The next day (had not seen the incorrect email sent by other person) I was questioned on whether I understood the difference between the two units. I said I certainly did, I was asked to describe both, and did. I asked why the questions, and was told the other person had used different units, and they needed to understand why there was a difference.
I said that it would seem he'd made a mistake, but was guessing, as I hadn't yet seen what he wrote. They grudgingly accepted this explanation - and asked me to write to the customer to explain his error! So far as I know, no one ever drew him aside to talk about the mistake - it was like they just felt deflated once it wasn't me.
And no, its not that I make a lot of mistakes all the time, I'm really careful not to.

Maybe people don't believe you because you may come across as less confident or less self assured than other people.

I am quiet but competent in my work. I work in a Govt Dept. I used to do accounts in the private sector. Some people in my current role couldn't believe that I did accounts previously. I was too quiet to say 'you sound surprised, do you want to comment'

Also I don't make mistakes often. When I was younger in various jobs, a colleague would assume I made a mistake. Because I was good at work, but quiet and easygoing, it was like as if they wanted to catch me out in an error

It used to happen with Dad at home when I was a teenager, but I would shriek and go on about it for days. He eventually stopped asking me if I"m sure I did X. It started to happen with DH, but I accused him back of not doing X, stared into his face, was fine and confident about it. I got stern with hiw as well

It has happened with service users at work from time to time. I adopt an air of authority in my voice. I have their files and call out to them the things they have done wrong, ignoring our letters, not sending back forms etc. In short I am prepared to hang other people out to dry rather than accept blame

I think you may get blamed because you may be seen as a pushover, no offence intended. Maybe working on assertiveness and questioning or blaming the people back may alleviate it.

I do think that if you're a less confrontational type you're more likely to attract people who are aggressively keen to assert their 'rightness' over you. It's a power thing I think.

In XH's case there were several factors at work: he'd been brought up by his parents to believe that he was a little Princeling who could do or say no wrong; he had very little imagination; and he is arrogant enough to think that if he holds an opinion it must be right and everyone else must be wrong- he was never taught how to keep an open mind on things.

I grew up in a household where all 6 siblings debated things frequently (and yes, sometimes it was outright arguments). But the thing about that was, everyone was polite about it. We were taught to listen to each other's point of view and actually consider it, rather than dismiss it out of hand. No-one ever said "You're wrong" or "I don't believe you". So it was a shock to the system to be told so categorically I was "wrong"!

Of course, the lack of imagination is a cause of disbelief too- 'It hasn't happened to me, ergo it can't have happened to you.' As I pointed out to XH- all kinds of shit happens to some people not others and no one person can expect to experience everything. That's why you use your imagination (or at least some of us do! )

Don't think anyone would ever accuse me of not asserting myself