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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hitting inanimate objects

60 replies

Ttbb · 30/08/2017 19:23

AIBU reasonable to get really annoyed when people hit inanimate objects to make children feel better? E.g. Child runs into door and hurts themselves, adult proceeds to hit the door and verbally abuse it to make the child feel better.

I find it really petty/vindictive. I also worry that it teaches bad behaviour, what happens when a playmate hurts a child, do they also deserve to be hit?

My grandparents did this when I was a child and I would like to say that I turned out fine but I am actually quite vindictive (but that's more likely unrelated-I hope). My husband has told MIL not to do this but she won't be told what to do. I can't say anything because she takes any disagreement as a personal attack so I've just had t sit through five minutes of her doing this in front of my DS.

Currently considering opening a bottle of wine to calm myself down (don't judge me, i'm really tired so not quite as in control of my emotions as usual and to top it off we've gone sugar free and the only remaining sugar in the house is a few bottles of red wine).

OP posts:

BeepBeepMOVE · 31/08/2017 00:26

I have actually never seen anyone do this.

Sounds bonkers to me and a bit stupid to teach violence- even to objects- as a good way to make yourself feel better.

Surely this makes knobby teenagers who punch walls during arguments?

pringlecat · 31/08/2017 01:24

My mum did this. I didn't grow up to be a knobby teenager punching walls!

FNAF · 31/08/2017 01:28

I've not come across this, sounds bonkers to me.

7Coffees · 31/08/2017 05:00

Lol! Wait till he starts school! You'll have fun telling 30 kids and nervous staff "how to behave around your son"

Daydreamerbynight · 31/08/2017 06:36

GrandOle, a parent has the right to tell people how to behave around their children, just as people have the right to ignore them.

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2017 06:51

You sound like hard work.

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 08:18

also, Daydreamer, other people have the right to decide never to invite the child round again or (if children) not to play with him

grandOlejukeofYork · 31/08/2017 09:03

Sounds bonkers to me and a bit stupid to teach violence- even to objects- as a good way to make yourself feel better

It's not violence, ffs, it's tapping a door or a chair or something. You don't whack it with a cricket bat and set fire to it!

PenelopeFlintstone · 31/08/2017 09:19

GrandOle - you're cracking me up. Great posts

Toddlerdramas · 31/08/2017 09:59

I'm now imagining the ops mil hysterically smashing the door/radiator while ops child looks on petrified.

Can you really be vindictive towards a door?

To those hove never heard of this is usually goes... child stubs toe on door and cries, adult then comforts child and playfully says "did the door hurt your foot, silly door and taps door to pretend to 'get it back', child thinks this is very funny and silly and quickly laughs forgetting pain of stubbed toe.

I think most children are smart enough to know the difference between an adult pretending to get revenge on a door, and walloping a classmate.

grandOlejukeofYork · 31/08/2017 10:01

I think most children are smart enough to know the difference between an adult pretending to get revenge on a door, and walloping a classmate

The toddlers certainly are. Alas from the OP and others, some adults are not!

Ameliablue · 31/08/2017 10:13

Yabu. Major over reaction

gamerwidow · 31/08/2017 10:14

She

gamerwidow · 31/08/2017 10:17

She is not harming your sons development. You might be though if you're going to push all his family away with you rigid views on what is acceptable.
It's a silly joke that most kids get and it usually works as distraction if nothing else.
It has nothing to do with hitting objects in rage or hitting other people.

PodgeBod · 31/08/2017 10:19

Sorry but you sound a bit bonkers. We do this in my family. Saying you and DH were subjected to it is very dramatic!
I think you need to loosen up a bit and be glad your MIL wants to share a joke with your toddler.

WaxOnFeckOff · 31/08/2017 10:26

:o of course it's just distraction and to make the toddler laugh. They are not stupid, they get the joke and it doesn't encourage them to hit people or punch holes in walls as a teenager.

My Dniece used to run straight to my mum and tell tales on her dad (my brother and DM's DS) so that my mum would give him a row and send him out to the hall. My Dneice thought this was hillarious and would make up increasingly bizzare transgressions that had been commited by her dad and it was really funny. She's an adult with 3 lovely children of her own. She knew it was all fake, she just liked the attention and it built a lovely bond with her and my mum and my brother was always up for a laugh. he would often wind her up a bit before they arrived.

Your MIL is building a relationship with your DS, I think you are just jealous tbh.

Kochicoo · 31/08/2017 10:28

My Mum used to do this and I'm pretty sure it, as a technique, didn't have any detrimental affect on how I turned out. I don't feel the need to hit inanimate objects which hurt me - even the corner of my bed which insists on moving itself to poke me really hard in the leg sometimes.

I use it sometimes with my dd and it always distracts her and cheers her up. Imagine wanting to do something which will distract her from her pain/shock!

I think probably your MIL annoys you intensely and it's because it's her it's getting to you. I totally get that. If your best friend did it and made your child laugh, you'd probably not mind at all.

SindyFishtail · 31/08/2017 10:32

I do this! Toddler runs into door and starts wailing. I give the door a smack and say you naughty door how dare you hurt my little johnny etc. Little johnny starts giggling and forgets all about his sore knee etc.

Never seen it as anything but a distraction to stop the crying and wailing. All my kids have without fail burst out laughing when I do this!!! Works best on age 2 and 3 yr olds...

And they have grown into wonderful caring young people. I think you are reading way too much into this.

Louiselouie0890 · 31/08/2017 10:37

How to behave around your child that's a new one. I do it I think your over thinking it my children don't go round hitting people if anything he's a bloody pushover lol

Original poster

Ttbb · 31/08/2017 10:52

Our views are not that rigid. Generally we let our family do what they want. This is just something that we think is harmful. It's the same as asking someone not to swear around your child. We don't think that hitting anything is becoming behaviour and we don't want our children to emulate it. If he took it as joke it would be fine but he doesn't seem to find any humour in it. For the record she does really go for it. After whacking the radiator for a good five minutes she threatened to lock it up in the bathroom which was just weird. It's just a pet hate. Imagine if your a family member insisted on tracing your child to say excuse me or pardon instead of what. In the grand scheme of things it shouldn't make a huge difference but it still isn't good behaviour and I don't have he energy to deal with it. No one else has had a problem with our request. She just doesn't understand boundaries.

OP posts:

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 12:34

"Imagine if your a family member insisted on tracing your child to say excuse me or pardon instead of what. In the grand scheme of things it shouldn't make a huge difference but it still isn't good behaviour and I don't have he energy to deal with it."

I am assuming you meant the opposite to what you just wrote.

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2017 12:36

I doubt she does, 'what' is the correct thing to say.

bruffin · 31/08/2017 12:40

You need to get over yourself tbh and stop overthinking.

quercuscircus · 31/08/2017 13:31

I think this is really weird!! And I have never heard of it being'a thing' except in saying something like 'bloody door' or 'silly door' or similar. "Going for it" would be astonishing unless you were literally at the end of your tether.

There are lots of other ways to distract from crying and pain so this method would be the last thing that entered my head. Kiss it better? COunt to 10. Pat on head - best not to run in the house? Oh look at the dog/ cat/ hamster... etc

I have however seen people who have anger/ repsonsbiliity issues lashing out at and blaming other people/things for their mistakes/ shortcomings and so if I saw anyone making a thing of it I would wonder at their thinking and/ or assume they were losing it!

From this point of view I can see that I would not want a child to be taught to blame and redirect anger or frustration onto other people/ things when they perhaps did something silly or just had an accident. Better just to move on without blame? Especially if it was the child's fault anway! Beyond a certain age, or if repeated a lot I think that would encourage the child to have the wrong kind of thinking.

Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 31/08/2017 13:55

My mother did this once when I was 3 years old. She smacked the table and said "naughty table" after I bumped into it. I wish she didn't, I now go into rage mode when I see an inanimate object the same colour as the table. I have crazy fights with benches, doors and blankets. It is all very embarrassing. If only my mother had cared about my development as much as you do for your child...

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