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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm thinking this is ageism?

35 replies

QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 17:00

I'm a mature student at college (29) in my second year. I've never felt like a mature student, my classmates see me as one of them as far as I know and had a whale of a time last year. Just gone back for this term, new classes and been put into groups for main project by the lecturer.

I am the youngest in my group of four. It is very obvious that we are the 'old' group in the room. I feel singled out, I feel awkward, I feel like I'm being looked at as one of the old ones and that I'm different from the other students.

I don't believe this was a coincidence of randomly assigned groups. I also don't believe that if there were four students in the class in wheelchairs (for example) that they would be grouped like this.

Am I being over sensitive about this? I spoke to a couple of the people in the class who both had noticed the group being the older ones.

I don't know what I want to do or want done about it, I have nothing against my group so don't particularly want moved, I've just had a horrible outcast feeling since it was announced.

AIBU?

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 30/08/2017 17:01

just ask to change groups. lecturer might have assumed you would feel more comfortable in that group.

it is not a big deal. just ask to change.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/08/2017 17:04

Tbh you sound rather ageist about your fellow mature students Hmm

LurkingHusband · 30/08/2017 17:04

...or it could be coincidence that the four most compatible students (by ability, ambition, experience, previous record) also happen to be the oldest ??????

Bottom line is you need to ask the lecturer what the rationale was.

They may have just thrown a dice ? Would that be acceptable ?

RebornSlippy · 30/08/2017 17:04

And yet your post is, to my mind, ageist towards the other 3 members of your group; 'the old ones' as you put it.

Sirzy · 30/08/2017 17:06

I find it odd that you have been put into groups rather than sorting them amongst yourselves.

That said in my experience as a mature student it is generally a case of them all ending up drifting together so I would guess his groupings are based on previous experiences

Ttbb · 30/08/2017 17:08

You are probably better off in the 'old' group-mature students are usually more reliable. If u were you I would be thanking my lucky stars.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 30/08/2017 17:09

How young are the other students? This point in my second year of college I was 17, so still a child, assuming the project will involve work together outside of class maybe the lecturer thought it would be easier for you to meet up with the older students rather than kids?

RebelRogue · 30/08/2017 17:52

It's not really about ageism or the others in the group and how unfair it might be for all of you?
It's really about this

I feel singled out, I feel awkward, I feel like I'm being looked at as one of the old ones and that I'm different from the other students.

You wanna be with the "cool kids" and got stuck with the "oldies" instead.

rhodanunn · 30/08/2017 17:57

Mature students are aged 21+. The term doesn't actually mean anything else apart from that. Why would the other students treat you differently?

Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 17:58

They made the groups up of one person from each of the classes from last year to make sure we mixed, I think, which was fine. I liked my team last year, but was keen to work with new people as well. The classes have been made up by ability this year as well, so (to my mind anyway) it didn't matter who was in each group within the class.

Nothing against the people in the group personally, we've only spoken briefly but they seem nice enough.

I just feel segregated by a trait that has no bearing on the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 18:02

Rather than the cool kids/oldies issue, I think it was that I expected to be in a group of my peers, which I took to be everyone in the class.

I feel that I have been put in my place as different.

OP posts:
Sarikiz · 30/08/2017 18:02

Get over yourself. You really sound rather immature and ageist

Nuttynoo · 30/08/2017 18:07

They do that probably because usually mature students, no matter how much they want to fit in, don't really. Group work is about more than work - it's about dynamics, it's about how well your work ethic is compatible to a much younger person's - maybe he assumed you'd want to be around people who are as time poor as you

runwalkrun · 30/08/2017 18:09

So lets get this right.

You wouldn't have minded being with they younger group, but dislike being put with the older group.

I think I know who's being the ageist one here and it's not the lecturer Hmm

Copperbeech33 · 30/08/2017 18:13

you are an adult and have been put in the adult group. The others are kids. it is a bit odd that as an adult you would prefer to be with kids, and it is a bit odd that you assume the kids don't see adifference between you and them.

10 years is a massive gap at this stage . Not so later on, but at this stage, world's apart.

Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 18:14

I don't think that an 'old' group needs to exist at all.

It didn't in first year, and everyone got along fine. I worked with people older and younger than myself happily. I liked the mix of experiences.

Pick names out of a hat and I'd be happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 18:17

The youngest in the class is 19, so not kid kids I wouldn't have said.

I feel like I'm arguing here, I just wanted to know what people thought, and am trying to give the info that didn't go in my OP.

I felt sad, I just wanted to know if I was overreacting.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/08/2017 18:17

So use some of your "maturity" and talk to the tutor and discuss how you feel!

Copperbeech33 · 30/08/2017 18:19

they are kids really, you become legally adult at 18, but it doesn't happen overnight in real life

Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 18:19

I wanted to see what people thought anonymously before I embarrassed myself in real life!

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 30/08/2017 18:29

Try to make the best of the situation.

It's well known that mature students often do very well in educational situations, because they are experienced and highly motivated.

Take advantage of being with this group, be open and adaptable to gaining from their knowledge and skills.

Columbine1 · 30/08/2017 18:30

I assume this is for one module/subject/project? Its good practice for the world of work to be able to work with anyone. Considering that some younger students can be unreliable/not pull their weight (having observed group dynamics over decades), you may be better off. Groups may have been allocated on work ethic - that's what I tell students to think of when choosing who to work with.

You need a good reason to change groups - have you tried to negotiate another one?

Original poster
QuirstThenching · 30/08/2017 18:36

I don't particularly want to change groups, I really don't have an issue with the people in my group and it would be horrible to refuse to work with them due to their age, especially it being only a year or two order than me.

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 30/08/2017 18:41

I was a mature student - in my early 40s - and groups like this were put together simply by dividing up the register - so done on alphabetical order.

This resulted in groups being a mix of ages, which I think is better.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 30/08/2017 18:49

I'm 29, my sister is 19, 20 minutes talking to her and her mates is enough to remind me that 19 is pretty much still a kid.

I wouldn't say anything unless it starts becoming a pattern.