Re not giving ex kids photos

[GettingScaredNow]

Incase anyone remembers me, I was the one who's husband bugged her living room, threatened to kill me, then hurt our dd. I have a NON MOL and PSO, non mol covers me and the kids.

Ex has asked for a flash drive with photos of the children to be put on.
My knee jerk reaction is no. Ainu?

At the moment we're going through court to see if he ever has contact again. At the moment the court aren't granting contact, pending certain conditions being met. (I don't think he can meet these conditions)

Aibu to say no to their photos?

I remember you.

I would assume it would be appropriate to wait for the conclusion of the court case? could you check with your solicitor the implications?

personally i don't think yabu

He's asked through the solicitor who has said she awaits my instructions.

I feel we should wait for the conclusion of the family court. But I don't know if the court will view that as unfavourable of me

Yes I think say no.for.now. Surely he has taken some of his own photos over the years? Cant your solicitor advise on whether the court would view it unfavourably?

Blimey OP :( Sorry for all he has put you through.

Given the circumstances, I think waiting for the outcome of the court case is entirely reasonable. Do you have a solicitor/ adviser you can check with?

Say no

Can't you ask your solicitor for advice? I think it seems a bit mean not to give any photos? Do you have concerns about what he might do with photos? Could you give older photos?

I'd maybe give him photos from the past.

I would not give him recent photos because he might use them to learn information he will use to control or stalk you.

I wouldnt give him recent photos that show your home, give clues how you spend your time etc.

Personally I don't see how anyone could view your refusal to do this harshly. You have every right to feel wary and unsafe in relation to him.

Say no for now, pending the outcome of the court case. You could say that this is not a final answer to the request if you want. But I wouldn't worry about it being 'a bit mean'. You are under no obligation to be nice.

I would be inclined to say no, until you know what the outcome of the court case is.

Photos of estranged kids can be shared on social media under the pretence that the child is missing, in an attempt for an estranged/abusive parent to find out where that child is living. (This is why the only 'missing person' posts you should share/RT on social media are ones from the police.)

If the court decides that he is allowed no access to the children and you end up living at an address he doesn't know, he might attempt this tactic in order to try and track them/you down. I'm sure this is massively unlikely, but it's worth considering given the lengths he has already gone to and for this reason I'd wait until the outcome of the court hearing.

Really sorry you've had to go through such a horrible experience.

You do have to give him photos of children. Copies of some old ones you took together. Court will look unfavourably if you refuse. What you don't have to do is send new photos you have taken of DC in your private life after your split (unlike say a school photo), and definitely don't do on a flash drive as it has embedded data, location, time etc!!
I'd send some old photos and then say, you'll send him thier latest school photo, as the 'recent photos'.

Does he know which school your dc attend op? Otherwise I'd be wary of sending school photos.

I'd check with your solicitor for the best way to go forward. I'd agree about old pictures as newer ones come give away details of your life.

Really good point from WhereIs about not giving digital photos, flash drive etc which can hold time and location data.

Printed photos from the period you were together passed to him via the lawyers is probably safest. No new information but stops him crying deprivation.

Thanks for replies all.

He's asking for photos stored on an external hard drive (he claims the hard drive is his, which isn't entirely true. It is 'ours'. It's hold the full back up of my laptop)
He wants every photo taken of the kids prior to our split, so 4 years worth of dd and 20 months worth of DS.
I would hazard that around 100 have him in as he had no interest in doing anything with us or being in the photos. Any he took he will have on his phone and so the ones I have at photos I took.

I do feel that if he has these photos he could use them in a dodgy way.
We've been split for over a year and he's never requested them before.
He could use them to obtain Algerian passports.
He knows where we live. He used to live here. He does know what school/nursery they attend.
These settings are covered in the non mol as PSO.
Which expires in February.

If he wanted photos of his children then he should have taken the time, and shown interest at the time, and taken his own.

I wouldn't give him any until after the court case is done. I just don't think he deserves them at all.

Do you know why he would want this photos now? Is there any other reason that he might want them? Does he have their birth certificates? or anything 'official' like that?

If they are on a hard drive, could that hard drive not be "ruined"?

He will likely have just received birth certificates actually. Good point.

He needs a visa to stay here and his visa application was just rejected. On the basis that he doesn't see his kids.

I hadn't considered this. Having the photos will help him to prove a relationship.
I feel sick when these things come up. I get so caught up with not wanting to look unreasonable to the court and doing what is right and fair (which is stupid cos he doesn't know the word fair)

I'm going to instruct my solicitor to reply no. It's too big a risk.

Please be careful with their passports too. Can you have something legal to say that if the kids need new passports then the application will come through a particular solicitor? Then he cannot say that he has lost them and obtain new ones.

He can't claim U.K. ones. I have a notice in with the passport office. Because I made the original application they explained that he can't apply for new ones saying they have been lost. They don't know who he is and he doesn't hold a British passport.

He can obtain Algerian ones at literally any given moment. Takes little paperwork and done in a matter of hours.

Or fake ID ones. All he needs is a photo and a European identity.