To ask how you cope in meetings?

[Fluffyogabunny]

I don't go to many group meetings these days but I'm interested in joining my children's school parent council. I went to the initial meeting this morning and found myself back feeling how I used to in work situations. I've been a sahm for 7 years. I was tense and anxious and struggled to get a word in, let alone state my opinion. Does anyone else feel like this? Any coping mechanisms you can suggest please?

Its tough getting back out there after 7 years. Give yourself time - don't feel obliged to speak before you know more of what's going on. Once you do feel able to speak eg ask a Q or for clarification. It does get easier each time :)

Thanks. I used to feel like it before too bit hoped it had faded in time with my great maturity!

You dont always have to be the talker in a meeting. It is fine to be quiet and just listen and find a good timing to state your opinion. Mimic whoever you think is a good contributor in the meeting and ease yourself into it and relax.

Once you get to know the others you will feel more comfortable about
Speaking up. Also there will be issues which you will feeling strongly about and that will motivate you to put your view across
Good luck

I second the advice about listening and not worrying about having to say something for the sake of it. Often there are a couple of people who get on everyone nerves by wittering on non stop at these sorts of things and people will be far more receptive to someone who doesn't chunter on

If you have something important to say, say it

If you have nothing to say, dont say anything

Always listen

Be prepared and read any papers circulated before the meeting, including the minutes of the previous meeting. Ensure you know everyone's name and their role.

You could try to figure out who's actually leading the meeting (often not the loudest one) and have a quiet word with them before / during a break. They'll tell you if your opinion is helpful and often then either take it on board themselves or give you a clear opening to explain.

When I started university I was given some advice to try to ask a question/make a comment of some kind early on in a seminar. Doesn't matter what, but there is something about already having had your voice heard within the meeting that makes it easier to speak up again later.

I have found from experience that this is true- the longer I don't speak in a meeting the more I feel overlooked by the other participants and the more self-conscious I become about whether whatever I have to say is valid.

I was about to say what BottleBeach did. I always try to say something early on (e.g. ask for clarification on something), as that makes it miles easier for me to contribute properly later on. If I am quiet for too long then I find it impossible to break the silence!

That is not to contradict all the excellent advice above about preparing and listening! I'm sure you will find useful things to contribute and grow in confidence as you get used to it.

Definitely be prepared - read the notes/papers and if you can copies of previous Minutes.

Write down any questions that occur to you after reading the papers before the meeting so that you have something to jog your memory during the meeting.

I used to hate meetings, but as part of my job I have to sit down with a board of 8 men who are all extremely high ranking within my industry. They are all lovely, but it was very intimidating to start with. It helps that I write the Agendas and Minutes for the meetings and I've learnt the kind of questions they are likely to ask of me, so always ensure I go prepared with additional facts/statistics they might want.

I use BottleBeach's technique. Chipping in early makes it much, much easier for me to go on and say my piece when I really need to. Partly because I've already broken my silence so I'm mentally ready and partly because the other attendees are ready to hear my voice.

I don't mean wittering on for ages about nothing much, just saying "X has made a good point about Y" is enough.

Thank you all very much - great suggestions

A good chair person should make sure that everyone has the chance to speak (if they want to) and that different views are heard. Don't feel intimidated. I attend meetings with senior executives in a work context but always worry more about parent council meetings because it's something you feel you should be knowledgeable about or have an opinion on. When I was chair I always felt very inarticulate compared to some members but none of them wanted to be chair.
But most importantly remember that your opinion is just as valid as everyone else's so don't be afraid to disagree - a physical signal that you want to speak goes a long way too (but again it depends on the chair)