To hope DH ditches the motorbike?

[putputput]

DH was an avid biker in his teens and early twenties. He gradually gave it up and there was no bike when we met. About a year in to our relationship he brought another bike which became a labour of love as he painstakingly restored it. He then started going out more regularly on it. He's since brought a second bike. He doesn't take the piss- prior plans and arrangements come before the bike and spending is fairly limited.

The problem is recently I feel sick with fear every time he goes out on the bike. I'm 30weeks pregnant and terrified of him not coming home in one piece. It bothers me so much now I'm a nervous wreck, used to be fine and happily pillion on the back. I've worked in a&e and seen first hand what happens to even the most sensible of riders.

I've tried to explain this to him. He gives lots of reassurance but he loves riding and won't give it up. I think if I completely put my foot down he would stop but then I feel like I'm forcing him in to it. AIBU to ask him to pack it in?

YANBU OP, it's a perfectly normal and valid thing to be anxious about.

If it were my DH I would sit him down and explain how I was feeling and ask him to consider stopping now that he's going to be a father - if anything happened it's not just you he'd be leaving behind, it's your baby. Hopefully that will help him understand the way you're feeling and possibly consider making a change himself.

YANBU. A 20 year old was killed here last week on a bike. Dangerous bloody things and patronising phrases like 'you need to work on your anxiety' fuck me off. You have every right to be anxious.

What about one for a track? Racing? Instead of on the road with other vehicles...that's my worry. DP would love one but it terrifies me

My ds has had a bike since 18. Got a bigger bike at 20. .
Got a car at 22 and had a miracle escape from his flipped over car.
Police didn't know how he walked out unharmed. .

Never had so much as a wobble on his bike in 4 years, rain, hail or shine he went to work on it. .

There is an irony in the title and what you are anxious about.

Weird computer glitch, only posted the first line.

YANBU to be anxious, but if he has the biker bug you will not be able to do much about it till he gets over it again.

Totally not ureasonable. Accidents involving motorbikes are massively out of proportion to the amount of motorbikes on our roads. Why anyone would do it once a parent I really do not understand.
In my young widow support group there are several who lost biker husbands. Such a terrible tragedy.

I gave up biking. Twice. The first was after a right turning car broke my leg "sorry mate, I thought you'd stop in time". Silly bugger, that cost him his licence and 20k.
Second time was, you've guessed it, a right turning car stuffed my pride and joy into a lamppost. I walked away, but when DD said "I'm not going to say 'I told you so Daddy'....oops". That was the end of it. My decision, but made because I can't risk causing grief.

Hi OP, could you ask him to do the bike Advanced Motorists course? My dh did it and although I considered him to be a safe biker beforehand it did make him much more defensive regarding other road users. He really enjoyed it too. I think it cost c£100 to join and then he did a series of rides with a local group before he did the assessment. It would improve his riding and maybe make you feel more secured.

Hi OP, could you ask him to do the bike Advanced Motorists course? My dh did it and although I considered him to be a safe biker beforehand it did make him much more defensive regarding other road users. He really enjoyed it too. I think it cost c£100 to join and then he did a series of rides with a local group before he did the assessment. It would improve his riding and maybe make you feel more secured.

That is a very good suggestion by pp, lots of riders are happy to increase their skills and after all bet your DH took his test a while before the more stringent tests came in the early 2000's.

You'll never get him to give up altogether, look at how many road racers have children and still go out risking their necks. I don't really understand it but there you go.

Can you encourage him into some off road riding? Dh gave up riding on the roads when ds started riding a trials bike age 5. They both love it and it's much safer. Google OSET bikes and show him the little 12.5 electric bike that he's so going to want for your LO!

He's an adult and he has to make his own choices

You're unreasonable to think you can put your foot down or let your anxiety stop him doing something. He could be walking along a pavement and hit by a bus. Yabu.

Can you encourage him into some off road riding?

That isn't without risk either though. A friends family member fell off off road and is now a quadriplegic.

YANBU as bikers make up around 20% of all road deaths despite being less than 1% of total traffic.

Make sure that he has a will and life insurance in place if he won't give up riding his bike.

Dh has had a bike since before I knew him. He still rides and I still get a bit nervous occasionally but I don't think it's any worse than horse riding and quite a bit safer than say, caving, gliding or even cycling.

DP has 12 bikes - most in a state of constant 'doing up', dripping oil and refusing to start. it keeps him occupied and out of my way!
I have 2 - a 250 which is pretty old and a classic which I take to shows. Been offered double what I paid for it. the other is a 900cc, which I ride when sunny. Immense fun! Have done training with the police (bike safe). If you can't beat them....join them!

DH rides a bike daily to and from work. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and we also have a DS. Yes it scares me daily when he leaves the house on his bike, so I understand. I also worry about other road users not being mindful of bikers.
However I do have anxiety, and I have learned coping strategies through CBT. The only thing that now affects me about DH using his bike is if I see there has been a bike accident on any roads he could have used. I think that's pretty normal though, as I'd worry the same if he was in his car and saw there had been a car accident.

Thank you all for responses, lots to consider. I will definitely suggest the advanced course to him. I know deep down that I can not make him stop, or manipulate him in to doing so. I think a large part is pregnancy hormones and yes, my own anxiety. I just wish he'd develop a slightly stronger sense of self preservation!