to wonder what my friend was thinking

[dollydimplenotsosimple]

About three years ago I cut contact with a friend. I was at my lowest ebb after a personal trauma and she capitalised on it making me feel even worse. I'd had my reservations about her prior to this because of the way she spoke about people close to her...she'd tell us personal information about others and was downright gossipy. When she was downright nasty to me I cut contact with her but continued to see other friends (I never mentioned her again to them beyond being clear about what she'd done and that my mind was made up to sever all ties) this woman panicked and tried to maintain contact for sometime but it was ignored by me as I recovered from aforementioned difficult period. my friends supported my decision bar one who sided with the ex friend.

Anyway fast forward three years and my DH and I have bought a new house which we love. We moved in and I invited my friends round for an sort of housewarming/girls night in.

Lo and behold one of my friends (well call her Leanne) brought ex friend along with her! It was so awkward! They all got a taxis and turned up together. The other girls were mortified that she'd brought along and actually agreed to come.

I wouldn't be rude to anyone but I had nothing to say to her. My DH was heading out when they arrived and was gobsmacked when he saw her sauntering in, having a good look at the house. After the hurt she caused he can't stand her and didn't acknowledge her as he left.

She spent the night not saying very much at all and I'm not entirely sure why she wanted to be there. I tried to be civil to her when I actually wanted to tell her to fuck off out my house along with Leanne.

AIBU to think wtf and should I contact the friend who invited her along without telling me and give her both barrels.

I should add that I've never cut contact with anyone before and I don't want to sound like a drama queen because I'm really not.

Your 'friend' sounds nasty, she knows about what this person did to you, and invited her without your permission. It seems likecshe was doing this out of spite, I would ditch her, along with nasty friend. Who needs enemies, when you have friends like that.

I would have told them both to get out!

I can understand why you didn't ask them both to leave on the night, it's easy for any of us to say we would but in reality it would have been awkward and embarrassing for everyone there.

There is no way though that I'd just leave it. I would phone "friend" who seemingly knows better than you do who you should be friends with and ask her straight out why she brought her. Tell her she was completely out of order and that her interference is not appreciated. TBH I wouldn't give a fuck whether she was upset or what her intentions were, she totally overstepped. We had similar with a relative who thought she knew better - my mother still fumes when she thinks about it ten years later. It's just so disrespectful and feels like the "interferer" is minimising what went on.

All I can say is I'm really sorry you've been treated so badly then and now!

dolly this was so unfair of Leanne.

I would talk to Leanne very calmly and politely and find out why she did it. I think putting her on the spot politely may be more effective than going in all guns blazing.

If she says how sorry she is and what a mistake it was then you can be as charitable as you see fit.

If she argues the toss or makes out you are being unreasonable then again, how to proceed is your choice.

Well done for sticking to your guns.

That was a very strange thing for Leanne to do, has she ever suggested she might bring the ex friend around? You definitely need to confront her and tell her that what she did was completely wrong and she must never do it again.

Is she a good friend normally? If she says was a misguided attempt to help, you could give her the benefit of the doubt this time.

I'd be inclined to give Leanne somewhat of a pass if she'd tried to meddle in a misguided but well-intentioned way by inviting ex-friend along to a group night out somewhere neutral - pub, restaurant etc where you had the option to leave or stay as the mood took you but to bring her to your home? No, she put you in such an awkward position making you host an unwelcome and uninvited guest; that stinks to me of shit-stirring rather than trying to help facilitate a reconciliation. I'd never be able to trust her again.

I'd give Leanne one chance to explain why on earth she thought it was acceptable to bring x-friend to the housewarming. Perhaps x-friend bullied her into it or manipulated her into thinking it would 'be ok because I want to make up with dolly'. Maybe Leanne is a bitch who wanted to cause trouble. Maybe she's just stupid. But I usually give a friend one chance to prove that their motives were at least half-way decent.

Depending on what she says you can either cut contact with her too or tell her in no uncertain terms that there will never be a rapprochement with x-friend and to never to anything like that again.

I'm a complete wall flower, can't be confrontational, even raising my voice i get a sore throat and lose the ability to speak, i cry when trying to argue, but even i would not have let that woman through my door.

WTH! Even if you and ex-friend were not on non-speaking terms, Leanne shouldn't have invited somebody else along to a private house party without host's approval. Rude! And then double the rudeness as she knows you and your DH have cut ex-friend out of your lives. Absolutely confront her and then prepare to cut her out too, as I cannot see how there can be a reasonable excuse for this BS.

sounds like housewives of cheshire