To stick to the boundaries

[Mooey89]

I have posted more times than I can count about abusive cunt exH.

We've just been through a year of court, culminating in non mol order, live with order (lives with me) and set contact times.

These are:
Every other weekend from school (3pm) Friday, until 5pm Sunday.

Wednesdays 'from school' until 6pm.

DS is in last week of nursery and starting school in Sept.
we've had 4 weeks so far of the order.

He knows it's 3:30pm on Wednesdays, as it's 'from school' hours.

He pushes boundaries constantly. Absolutely constant.

Went to collect DS today, turns out he has called nursery and said he will be collecting at 10am tomorrow.
I know nothing about this.
When they asked if he'd run it by me, he told them he has parental responsibility and rights and it's his day and he can do what he wants. He doesn't need permission from me.

NURSery have suggested that they call him and tell him that unless I give permission (ie he asks me!) that they aren't able to release DS until 3:30 as per arrangement.

Part of me thinks I'm being hugely unreasonable because other than wasting a day of nursery fees/lunch fees that I didn't need to spend, it doesn't actually impact on me, but I feel like this is one more way that he is pushing the boundaries and if I don't draw a line he will just push more (this is what he does - used to take him and refuse to return him because his rights, used to threaten to collect from nursery without permission, used to threaten to not return him etc etc etc)

I'd he'd have said he wanted to take him out and run it by me it would have been fine but he can't just unilaterally decide? Or can he?

Your Pil can not go to court on his behalf. There is a court order already in place and there are no changed circumstances which necessitate a change, are there, so they can fuck off, quite frankly. Ignore, although I understand that this must be very difficult. He cannot simply take your ds at random times to suit his whim, it most likely is a control thing because he's a twat.

Ignore, OP and if he tries to breach the court order, go back to court. Do you have power of arrest attached to the non mol/undertaking?

I would consider unblocking him on your phone so you can prove he's breached the undertaking. Don't reply to anything. Just screen shot calls/messages. Would you need legal representation if he takes you straight back to court when the order has just been granted?

I'm going to call my solicitor in the morning.

Hugs to you OP.All this shit is a nightmare designed to control and wear you down.Youre doing well,ignore as far as possible,communicate through solicitor if necessary.Dont let the bastard grind you down!

I wish this wasn't happening to you. But it's almost so bad it's good, that he is proving that he cannot even stick to the order or the undertaking for one month.

Nursery said the wording of the order is too ambiguous and they couldn't enforce it so they've had to allow him to collect

Oh God OP I'm so sorry :( when does he have to return him?
How was it to ambiguous?!

Did you speak to your solicitor Mooey? When will your DC be home?

oh Moody, I'm so sorry ypure having to go through this especially with a hoady bastard who has to manipulate the Order. I have exactly the same going on and I feel your pain . please feel free to pm to can't rant or scream

sorry for the typos

Oh god. Then the wording needs to be made bloody crystal clear. This cannot happen again. I'd also unblock him to have proof of him breaching the undertaking

Apart from being in control and agreeing or disagreeing etc it isn't good for DS to have his routine chopped and changed. I'd just calmly say to the nursery that I was sorry they found themselves having to deal with this and reiterate that it's 3:30 on Wednesday. I'd also send a quick text to MiL and PIL to remind them that end of day is 3:30 so DS needs to be collected then. I wouldn't engage with any other attacks, comments and ignore any subsequent messages.

Like @JoJo said i think not getting into drawn out fights is best. Sometimes drama is what people want. Sticking to the agreement (i know you are trying to and its what you want to do!) stating the facts and refusing to get into negotiations at this point would be best.

Having lived with someone who's ex wife wanted to cause drama and negotiate different timings for their daughter at every single contact, it always seems best to keep things shot and simple and to the point, and if there is a breech unfortunately i think going straight back to court is the only option. If they arent getting drama, arent seeing they are upsetting you and they arent getting their own way for long enough eventually they should get the hint (in theory)

Hope you get some peace in your life soon, seems like you've been doing an emotional marathon.

What did the Solicitor say OP?

Solicitor said the order 'isn't as tight as we'd have liked it to be' but that the wording clearly indicates end of nursery session, not whenever he feels like it.

Nursery however felt that the order was ambiguous and apologised but said they just weren't able to stop him.

At the end of the day it's not the end of the world and I'm trying to let it go, but I hate that he will think that he's won and this will give him carts Blanche now to do this whenever he feels like exerting his control.

Can your solicitor write to the nursery explaining why it is end of session and not at any point during the day?

Or his new school at least

Anti idea is great if that can be done.

However didn't you say he starts school in September? So he's doing it this because he can but after this he won't be able to - school won't release him during the day.