My DHs suggestion of legal Guardian for our children is unfair

[Lillygreen]

Sorry if this is a boring one....

We are going to be writing our wills in the near future. DH thinks his parents would be better guardians of our child (and future children). His only reason for this is because they have more money.

My parents are not poor by any means, they own a large house in a good area. My mum works p/t and dad works full time whereas his parents both work f/t and have a lot more disposable income. Both parents absolutely adore their grandchild.

AIBU to think that money should not be the way to decipher who becomes the legal guardians?

Another question- wwyd? We don't have any other suitable family/friends so I don't really have a good alternative suggestion (other than I think his suggestion is unfair on my parents who would be devastated to find out his parents were guardians and not them)

This isn't about "favouring" one sibling or one side of the family over another. This is asking someone you trust to make good decisions for your children in the event both you and your DH die simultaneously. Sorry to put it in harsh terms.

We put my sibling down as caretaker because between both sets of families and siblings she is the youngest. So statistically most likely to be around if this unlikely tragic event comes to pass.

More important and relevant question for you is why this discussion and other dynamics have gotten so fractious!?? Does your DH normally just dictate things to you? Is there always so much competition between you about families? And are you being needlessly judgemental about younger siblings?

We trusted friends to raise the children as we would want more than family and we were clear we would not want the children split. We appointed a board of trustees/guardians to oversee any decision relating to the children if we were not in a position to act as parents. This was six people who we trusted entirely to put the needs of the children first. Grandparents were not in a position to assume responsibility.

You don't discuss it with both sets. You decide between you which set it will be (although if they do competitive grandparenting I'd worry they'd have difficulty putting the children's interests ahead of their own) and ask that pair Bear in mind even grandparents may divorce

Have you got life assurance?

Single mum here. I'm forking out a small fortune in order to ensure that if I die, my children (and my ex who will take over 100% care) will receive £150k.

Plus i have critical illness cover of £150k

If you want your folks to be their guardians, then you need to provide for them financially on the event you both die.

Crumbs - you appointed six people?

Did you receive any legal advice? I'm surprised the solicitor didnt tell you that that really is too many. 2 or 3 is generally considered a good number. Any more and it becomes difficult to reach a consensus

Your will does not have to be the same as your DH's. he can name his parents in his will and your parents can be named in your will if you really can't agree.
Personally I have named close friends as I felt they were the best option for my D.C.

Yes our executor was the Principal solicitor of a local authority well used to resolving child care situations. There is no need now they are all adults but we wanted a wise council of trusted friends to support them in worst case scenario. We wanted legal, financial, cultural and educational expertise to guide them, if necessary. They wouldn't all have been in direct day to day charge of the children but would have controlled the money and major decisions. There are significant tax advantages to doing it via a trust too. We felt a strong decision making body could have won any challenge from family members who might have been more interested in control of the finances than the children's welfare. Consensus would not have been an issue; our friends knew our opinions on most things and all had specific expertise the others would respect.

Interesting

We were told that any more than 3 trustees is not recommended. 6 seems unwieldy but fair enough - suited your circs

We have 3 executors one from each side of the family, plus a friend. Current will names one of them as guardian. We are about to review our wills and are going to change it to a different one of them. 9 years have passed and circumstances change.
Finances not an issue, we want someone who has

• lifestyle where children would fit
• experience of children
• similar values to us
• familiar with the children
• young enough to continue to be the 'parent' figure as they go into adulthood

Lonecat is right. You can do your own will and name your own preferences.

OP The biggest thing that stands out to me in this whole mess is that your DH says he will not "allow" anyone other than his parents to be named guardians in the will . Just who the fuck does he think he is? And why would you allow him to bully you this way?

You shouldn't as someone to be guardian without discussing it with them first.