To be shocked at how many overweight kids there are here?

[glasgowsfinest]

Have got my fireproof hat in place, here goes...! I'm currently at a Butlin's-type holiday park on the south coast. As you can imagine, it's jammed full of kids of all ages. I'm genuinely shocked at how many of them, from pre-schoolers to older teens, are significantly overweight. I don't think puppy fat can be used as an excuse for all of them. Thinking back to my childhood, overweight kids were the exception, not the rule, but now it seems the opposite. I have two children who by no means have a perfect diet, and eat more chocolate and watch more TV than I thought I'd allow, but they're active too and don't seen to have any fat on them at all! Maybe they're just "lucky", I don't know. But the sheer numbers of chunky kids made me feel quite sad.

Children's meals in restaurants show how out of touch with portion sizes we are. A lot of places I would struggle to finish what is served up!

I worry too splendid

I have done my best to try and instill good habits but I also know what I'm going up against very very soon.

As it is any kids event I have taken dds to they are surrounded by kids everywhere constant eating and drinking. Occasionally I see mnetter with little pots containing carrot sticks or small amounts of things but mostly its bags of crisps or tubs of Pringles or full size chocolate bars. Cups of pic n mix etc

Honestly It's us that stand out having nothing.

Dd1 is off to secondary school. She's a stubborn strongwilled madam but just how long cab I expect an 11 year old to hold out surrounded by kids who are drinking the energy drinks and filling their pockets with crap like they have just been on supermarket sweep.

Next year

I was in a city with lots of tourists today. It was noticeable that the groups of French and Italian teenagers were nearly all very slim looking. Compared to many of the British teenagers who were around they looked tiny. I'm not sure if it's genetics, cultural factors or whatever, but there is an undeniable difference.

When I was about seven or eight, I went on a school trip for the day with a packed lunch. It was the first one I'd ever had because in those days - 60s - children mostly went home for lunch. I remember being hugely excited because I had a packet of crisps as a treat. I'd never had a whole bag to myself before, crisps were something put on a plate and shared with others. Nowadays children seem able to eat a whole packet on a daily basis.

Sibling - what about if someone else gives your 15 year old money? Do you wrestle it off them?

What about if they earn money babysitting?

What about if what is making them fat is an extra 2000 calories a week - a McDonalds out with their friends on a Saturday, a sausage role on their way back from school once a week, a couple of cans of coke bought by a mate, a bag of sweets once a week, a hot chocolate at home sneaked when their mum is out the house, a couple of extra slices of toast two or three times a week. Over the course of a year that amounts to several stone weight gain.

One in four teenagers in the U.K. Is overweight or obese. I know you want to put it all down to crap parenting and a lack of control over an adolescent but those figures suggest that it's actually a fairly complex problem.

As for rigidly controlling your teen's eating - have you not read the posts on this board by overweight people with awful traumatic memories of parents who behaved in a very intrusive and controlling way about food?

Those with traumatic memories seem to have parents who also had an unhealthy relationship/attitude to food-I'm optimistic that, by teaching them about healthy stuff whilst they're young, they will view McDonald's/coke etc as not something they can have as regularly and in the quantities you suggest.

The argument given by lots of people who regularly give their kids sugary stuff is that "if you stop them having it, they'll be the ones at the parties mainlining the haribo". This is total bollocks. I know kids who have too much sugar and kids whose intake is monitored, and both groups behave the same way around treats-both Hoover them up like they've never seen them.

At 15 years the parent still should have almost total input into what the child eats. And should hopefully have enough of a good relationship that discussions can take place around advice and guidance. But to give you the answer I suspect you want, then yes, I would take it further. If my daughter spent the money earnt babysitting on crap food, she wouldn't be allowed to babysit. And grandparents/aunts who wanted to give money as presents would be asked not to. I'm their parent, not their friend. I have to act and make unpopular decisions when it's something I know best about.

And if a 15 year old is behaving as mentioned upthread (weekly McDonald's/sausage roll/coke/sweets), they have demonstrated to me that they are choosing to behave irresponsibly so they don't have the privilege of access to money (which is a privilege and not a right at that age).

mini has already explained that her son has asd.

It's not necessarily going to register in the same way. And she can't withhold his money the rest of his life

I don't know how mini's son's asd manifests itself, but if she is referring to him when asking whether one should wrestle babysitting money off them, stop them going to McDonald's, walking home from school, then they sound a responsible enough teen that discussions could be had or sanctions put in place. If they're babysitting to earn money to spend on shit food, why let them babysit?

I would argue that, asd aside, if they're deemed responsible enough to be allowed money, they're responsible enough to be taught how to spend it responsibly. If they were a 15 year old buying cigarettes, one wouldn't argue that you can't withhold money for the rest of their life. You'd stop them having access whilst of an age you can still exert some influence. Then, by the time you no longer have that control, one would hope enough discussions and trust building had taken place that they wouldn't go back to the cigs.

My friends little boy was getting heavy. So she bought the both some trainers and sports clothes, learned to ride a bike and took up tennis to encourage him along.

And that's fantastic for them but young, overweight, single mum, low in confidence and income is not going to be able to "take up tennis" etc.

I actively encourage sports clubs after school for DC and we eat OK but I work FT for a low salary and there's neither the time nor the cash for tennis etc

It would be illegal for a 15 yr old to buy cigarettes reporting to trading standards and the likes would hopefully put a spanner in the works as far as that goes.

How many if us for example would say walk three miles to school and three miles back just so we could keep the bus fare.

Between needing a lou d for lockers at swimming pool after school or the bus fare or even having to put responsibility on the teenager to grab some bread or milk on the way home as you are working all day and will miss the bus if you have to go to the shop.

In theory it sounds a reasonable solution but in practice you just can't leave your child unfinanced all the time. What if they miss the bus or lose their bus ticket. What if you need to go pick up some work you missed from your friends house or get the bus to town to go to the library befire you get the bus home. It's really not as simple as that

One in four teenagers in the U.K. Is overweight or obese. I know you want to put it all down to crap parenting and a lack of control over an adolescent but those figures suggest that it's actually a fairly complex problem.

Yes but considering more than 1 in 5 children are overweight or obese when they begin primary school - aged 4 & 5 years old.

And considering almost 1 in 3 children are overweight or obese by the time they leave primary school - aged 11 years old.

1 in 4 teenagers being overweight or obese is surely par for the course, and suggests that actually, it has a lot to do with parenting?

I've head lots of parents 'blaming' their teens for being overweight and I think it's awful, to suddenly pass the blame on when actually the parent did nothing about it when their child's eating/exercise was within the parent's control at an earlier age.

And if course we are now in the age of contactless bank cards . They now no longer need to know pin numbers they cab in fact spend up to 20 quid on crap and put our card back before we notice.

Not saying all our kids are going to be stealing our bank card but some kids are nore vulnerable to peer pressure than others...

Giles the stuff you're talking about are infrequent occasions-if I felt it necessary that they had some emergency bus fare money, they'd have that with them if they were likely to be needing it, but if I were concerned about them spending it on crap food I'd be checking each day that they hadn't spent my money. Or they'd have a bus pass. I wouldn't just let them have a supply of money because one day they might need it, if the way they spent it was harming their health.

Under the age of 18 (additional needs or mental health issues not withstanding), I blame the parents when children are overweight. Everyone is busy, everyone works hard, lots of people struggle with finances etc, but I think in most cases there are compromises to be made and no one should be feeding their kids crap all the time, or allowing them/enabling them to buy it themselves.

Until I was about 35, I'd only seen about 10 people in my age group who were overweight.

Growing up, none of us really thought about our weight. Everyone was reasonably sporty - it was just what you did; no one snacked between meals on cakes, sweets or biscuits - it was just considered a daft thing to do.

Where I live there's a big range of backgrounds and incomes, and obesity cuts across it all, so it's definitely not poverty based, more a gradual loosening of self-control I think.

Off topic but still slight relevant,

when I was in primary school I got bullied badly and started turning to my grandparents and they'd feed me up with lovely stuff

My mum noticed I was putting on weight and it was difficult for her because she knew I was using food as an emotional crutch but she knew I was getting out of hand

she spoke to all the family and they all made changes for me.

It's only years later she told me about that. I never even realised that there was a problem and that my family were offering me healthier stuff. I'm so thankful she did because my life would have been even harder if I had been an overweight teen as well.

Your mum sounds lovely.

siblingrevelryagain, I think a big part of the problem is the amount of overweight parents/health care professionals/teachers etc.

If they're overweight themselves (and around 63% of adults are), how can they then expect any teenager to do the things they aren't managing to do themselves, to keep their weight under control?

It's like wagging a finger at them about smoking and drinking, whilst holding a fag in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

The majority of adults are not leading by example and kids and teenagers, quickly work this out.

Thankyou helena she's fab. I respect her a lot for how she dealt with that

I get that, worraliberty, and I too find it difficult to take healthcare advice seriously from an overweight professional. But, as someone who has struggled with weight gain and weight loss through the years, I can impart knowledge to my kids to help them avoid getting into the trap. I know how miserable it is to be overweight so sometimes the voice of experience can be valid.

Do as I say, not as I do, is sometimes a valid argument if the intention is to help the person through sharing your own struggles. And it's then an opportunity to do something about it together, maybe?

The overweight professional thing - I get it, I completely get it. It's hypocritical isn't it? I was that overweight professional.

The thing what I can say in defence is, and I know this won't wash for a lot of people and I understand why, but a HCP is there to give you the information to allow you to make an informed decision as to how to influence your own health. And that HCP is also allowed to make the same informed decision - despite it being against what they might be trying to educate people with.

HCPs IMO should be able to make the same decisions as anyone else when it comes to their health.

Titanz I agree-just as some doctors choose to drink or smoke too much. They are well placed to advise on why you shouldn't, even maybe how one might might stop/cut down. It doesn't mean that that will necessarily be easy for them to do, or that they will be able to follow that advice.

I do lots of things I wouldn't want my children doing-it doesn't mean I can't steer them away from making the same mistakes.

I think the issue is snacking and a mindset generally that a child being hungry is . I see it with some mums, if a child mentions hunger there is panic on their face as they rifle through their bag. Being hungry some of the time is part of life.

Eating in the evening after dinner is another thing. Don't do it and don't encourage DC to do it. Your DC aren't 'skinny' they are normal, get them into bad habits and they will stick.

I also controversially think that the obsession with portion control doesn't help. If you don't eat enough at mealtimes to not be hungry any more it sets up a cycle. People don't get fat from eating too much brown rice and vegetables. They get fat from trying to eat a tiny portion for dinner then during and eating crisps in front of the telly because they are hungry. So give plenty of healthy food at mealtimes. But the key is healthy food with low calorie density.

Eating in the evening after dinner is another thing. Don't do it and don't encourage DC to do it.

I think I've said very similar upthread. Eat a sensible evening meal and then "close" the kitchen. Sitting around all evening snacking is one of the worst things you can do for your health. It would help to do some exercise in the evening, even if that is just a bit of energetic tidying up

I never thought this would affect my family. We eat healthily, are very active, good habits etc... and if anything, I had to deal with the opposite with my eldest who was quite significantly underweight for quite some time, to the point of being referred to a pediatrician.

DS was a fat baby, then became slim and ate well. Loved his vegetables, not picky, all good...until Y6 when for the first time, he came home after school rather than going to afterschool clubs and he raided the cupboards. Tried to stop buying unealthy food but still manage to cook himself something and then had dinner again. I was shocked when a year later during summer holiday, I realised he had man boobs and fat all over.

My approach was not to tell him off, take things off him (I knew that he would just use the money he got at Christmas/birthday to buy rubbish on his way back from school) but to talk to him. Inevitably, he got quite upset the first time I said to him that he had put on too much weight because of what he was eating secretly, even though I did so in a very kind way, but after a few days, he himself said he didn't like the way he looked and wanted to eat better.

It took a couple of years, with months when he was committed, some he wasn't, but gradually, he of his own doing, came up with strategies that worked for him. He is now 14, very slim, athletic, and in control of his eating habits. I'm very proud of him, but I also know that empowering him in taking control over it, even if it took some time, rather than taking control of it myself was the right way. He knows he will always have to watch what he eats because he is prone to gaining weight, but he always knows how to go about it.

The people saying that the majority of these children are kids raised in poverty, well I agree with you but I disagree that the only solution is to raise them out of poverty. It is very, very easy to eat healthily on a low budget - my Nan did it with me and my sister when she raised us from her council house. She just grew her own vegetables and made bulk meals of protein rich stews and pasta. We never put on any weight. And because we couldn't afford to get the bus, we walked everywhere.

I think the issue is the culture we live in now, and the government is entirely to blame for not addressing these issues. Both parents have to work now in order for their family to stay afloat, that means you generally need 1 or 2 cars (which we all know cost a fortune). Because both parents are working, unless they've got a mother/father who is available to look after the grandkids full time (like I did) they don't have time to grow their own crops, cook bulk meals and ensure their kids are getting the exercise and nutrition they need. It's much easier to swing by a fast food outlet on the way home or pick up a ready-meal (full of fat, salt and sugar) and deliver this to their starving family. I could go on but I won't. I 100% sympathise with these families, and feel like society is letting them down.