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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right? DH/DD or me!?

18 replies

AdamandLucy · 29/08/2017 17:52

Hi,

My DD is currently applying for colleges. She is doing a foundation type year, but this uni offers it separate, so she will be enrolled for the year and then decides on the bachelors, instead of being tied to a 4 year enrollment.

It's an hours drive away, they offer accommodation as it's a uni but as the course is at the college not the uni, the accommodation on campus are 30 mins and 29 mins from the college, aibu to think it's still much closer?? And she will get some experience, although she doesn't plan on doing her bachelors at that uni, it's still good to get some experience away from home.

DH and DD think that it's still 30 mins away and she might as well do the hours drive!?

Who is right????

OP posts:
propertingz · 29/08/2017 17:54

I would say you are.

ragz134 · 29/08/2017 17:55

How old is she? Will it cost more to pay for accommodate than drive? Will she gain more from living away from home?

mumeeee · 29/08/2017 17:56

I think YABU

Sodaface · 29/08/2017 17:56

Why would she live out? It's hardly necessary & an hrs drive isn't much especially if she won't be there everyday.

FallingOrbit · 29/08/2017 17:56

Well, obviously a 30 min drive is closer than a 60 min drive but I'm struggling to get the issue? I've had daily commutes longer than an hour.

Edgeofthedesert · 29/08/2017 17:57

Would you fund her living away? Seems ridiculous to potentially get into debt to just save 30 minutes drive each day.

Tensecondrule · 29/08/2017 17:58

Have you checked if they can even have a car in halls of residence? Most don't even have car parking for students.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/08/2017 18:01

So basically you dont want her living at home anymore. She either ends up with a massive student loan or has to work to be able to go live on campus, to still be a 30 minute drive from where she needs to be.
Maybe she doesnt feel ready to move out yet, you may well be making her feel like shit that you want rid of her.

Sirzy · 29/08/2017 18:02

Staying at home this year saves money which can be used towards accommodation if she decides to go to Uni/live there.

Ultimately though it's her life so she should get the final say in where she lives (financial factors taken into account of course)

MiddleClassProblem · 29/08/2017 18:11

If finance isn't an issue I'm not sure it's about right or wrong, it's about her preference

Worriedrose · 29/08/2017 18:11

Hmmm
She could make a lot of friends
New experiences etc
It's not just about cost. But are the other people on this foundation likley to all go to do the degree together?
If they were then she might miss out on the initial bonding and she should think about that seriously

ILoveMillhousesDad · 29/08/2017 18:13

Surely it's up to your dd?

Loopytiles · 29/08/2017 18:17

Does she want to live at home? If so YABU IMO.

Argeles · 29/08/2017 18:18

I think your DD would be much better off living at home.

On my first Degree course, most of us in my class (including me) lived in our parents houses in and around London.

I took out a student loan for the fees and a maintenance loan. I also got myself a Saturday job which I loved. As I didn't have a ridiculous amount of outgoings, I could really enjoy a lot of the money I earned and had borrowed. I ate in some lovely restaurants and travelled comfortably in good hotels in several countries, and still managed to save some money too.

It was also great for me, as my friends from 6th Form were still living locally, and so I'd socialise with them regularly, as well as friends and my now DH who I met at uni.

My DH had to live in student accommodation, and his student loan was gigantic compared to mine, and mine was more than bad enough!

WARNING: When we tried to get our mortgage, we were told we could only get a mortgage if we both paid off our student loans in full!!! I don't know how many others have been caught out by this, but I really do think it's in everyone's best interests to keep their loans as small as possible.

Topseyt · 29/08/2017 18:20

Well, if she can reduce the debt factor by staying at home for this year their makes sense to do so, surely.

I speak as someone with a 22 year old DD1 who has just finished a four year degree course with nearly £60k of student loan debt. Perhaps she isn't ready for that (who ever would be?) and also doesn't want to leave home yet. Not everyone is ready at that age.

Why don't you want her at home? Perhaps stop pushing it on her.

Gorgosparta · 29/08/2017 18:20

Havent you posted this before.

There is no right or wrong.

Topseyt · 29/08/2017 18:23

*then it makes sense. Silly auto-correct!!

altiara · 29/08/2017 18:50

There's no right or wrong.
Personally I'd drive, presumably she won't be there all day so journey won't always be in rush hour and she can focus on her studies and not on going out. If she's then planning on doing a degree after this year, she may (or may not) move away anyway.

Yes moving out provides you with 'life skills' but I'd prioritise debt and ensure she either had a part time job to save money or had jobs around the house she was responsible for. Isn't hard to get her to help with meal planning/shopping/washing/cleaning/budgeting for uni.

I'd definitely not want her to rack up 4 years of debt.

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