Am I unlucky or are most people simply selfish shits?

[Ifonlylifewasimple]

I had two best friends up until the last few years. Best friend A I'd known for over 15 years, my exDH and hers were best friends, that's how we met. Anyway when exDH and I decided to split it became very acrimonious and best friend decided she could no longer be friends with both of us so dropped me, which was very convenient for her as she owed me about £3k. I was forever helping her out as she was horrendous with money and kept it hidden from her husband. Needless to say I've never received a penny of it back.

Best friend B, I'd known for about 18 years. One day her husband discovered she'd been having an affair, she'd kept it hidden from everyone and it had been going on for over a year. Anyway it transpired she'd been telling her husband she was with me when she was out with the boyfriend. Her husband insisted I must have known about it and encouraged her so she had to drop me to make their marriage work. So she did.

And now just recently I've bought a second hand car through a private seller. Turned up with two very small children in tow. Looked around the car, he insisted it was all running well and everything was fine, so I hand over the money and leave, only to brake down 20 minutes up the road, I call him and he basically says tough luck! (please no comments needed on this being a silly thing to do).

Am I just really unlucky, a pushover or is everyone out for themselves?

Are you really unlucky? Possibly.
Are you a pushover? Almost certainly.
Is everyone out for themselves? To some extent, yes, but for the majority of people not to the extent it causes other people harm.

OP it sounds like you've had a bit of a shit time.

I think it's a combination. I think most people are out for themselves and I think you have been a bit of a push over (i.e. lending someone £3,000 and buying a car only on this bloke's word- did you even take it for a test drive?).

You need to toughen up, take no shit, be out for yourself.

Sorry you're having a crappy time.

OP do you really think the seller knew the car would break down so soon? How do you think it's possible to tell?

Ungrateful shits. Been screwed over all my life, people take advantage of kindness

Was He probably didn't. But if I had sold the car to a woman with two very small children with her and she called to say she was now broken down on the hard shoulder of a motorway I wouldn't say ' tough' and hang up. Makes me think he had a pretty good idea.

Game it was £100 here for a bill she couldn't pay because she'd spent the money her husband had given her or £100 there for a bank loan her husband didn't know she had. In the end it all totalled up to £3k after a few years.

You've been unlucky but. You need to man up. Contact CAB for advice and consider taking friend A and the car bastard salesman to the small claims court. Get the car assessed in a garage to find out what is wrong first and if it's something he would have know about then go for the money back. I'm sure there would also be advice on Moneysupermarket or similar forums with template letters.

You are a pushover if you do nothing.

Sorry but you have been a bit of a sucker and I would have balked at giving a friend £100 in the first place because she can't manage her spending, much less done it repeatedly. Buying a car privately does also mean caveat emptor - that's why you get it cheaper than from a dealership, because it's your responsibility to do your due diligence and shoulder the risk. And frankly I have no responsibility to rescue you and your children because you bought a car from me - you're an adult and I would assume you'd sort yourself out through your own roadside assistance or other resources. The minute you drove that car away from a private seller it became 100% your problem.

Your friends have been crappy but I suspect you attract users. Also bad shit does sometimes happen in relationships and it's not uncommon for relationship breakups to cause friendships to end. So you haven't been wildly unlucky in that regard.

I think your first step is to tighten up your boundaries. Invest in relationships, but when people try it on, push back.

You sound soft and kind, people take advantage of that if you let them.

We all make mistakes. I have made too many to mention. Take what you have learnt from these experiences - don't lend money, don't cover for adulterers, and get a car checked over properly before you buy privately. Don't beat yourself up. Yes, some people are shit, but don't be the person they can shit on. I second what a pp says about taking your friend to the small claims court, and also the car seller.

Buying a car from a private dealer is just plain stupid. You need to stop looking at financial transactions as tests of personality - think of your legal risks and of how the arrangement you enter into protects you from them. Ignore human beings and feelings and trust - they are simply not relevant to buying a car.

And stop lending friends money. Banks lend money. Money and friends are, again, two totally unrelated things and shouldn't be confused or mixed together.

You can be a nice person without making bad decisions.

It sounds like you hope for the best out of people. When friend A dumped you, why did you not insist she repay the money? Why did you allow friend B to scapegoat you for her affair? Why didn't you go out for a test run in the car?
It would be lovely if everyone was lovely, but they aren't and you need to be a little more cynical about people's motives.

Some of it is chance and some of it is being a bit naive, I'm sorry to say. That's probably because you are a lovely person who expects others to behave and have the same values as you.

They are hard lessons to learn. Not everyone is as generous-hearted as you and you need to protect yourself from being taken for a ride. I suggest reading about setting personal boundaries - fast. Google it.

Most people are selfish shits!

Yes to try and get your money back from ex-friend and from the person you bought the car from.

PS. You can take the car seller to small claims court, but you will have to prove you would have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the vendor knew about a fault, but withheld the information, before selling the car to you.

Basically, as long as he had the right to sell the car and believed that it was "roadworthy", you're out of luck. Your claim would have to be on the basis that he deliberately lied about and concealed a fault, which might be difficult to prove.

Good luck.

Unlucky? Maybe but some people if you let them take advantage of you they will

You have been unlucky but equally some people are selfish shits.

The OP bought the car from a private seller not a trade seller, so unfortunately "sold as seen", unless she can get (and pay) for an engineers report to PROVE that it was some kind of reccuring fault that the seller MUST have known about. Which would be quite hard, so I doubt small claims is an option here.

I think people are shits!

I agree with others, sounds like a mixture.

I never lend or borrow money. very bad idea to lend to friends.
That's why we have banks.

Whenever I buy a second hand car ( and I have bought a fair few) I always take along a pre printedreceipt and ask the seller to sign it.

I think its time you become a bit selfish. Stop caring about others feelings when they don't care about yours.