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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go

19 replies

Sunshinegirls · 29/08/2017 15:03

We have a function to go to tonight. Husband really wants to go. Lots of important people will be there, lots of networking and career expanding opportunity for him. He can't go alone as it's a couples thing but I really don't want to go. I don't feel very well and I just can't face it. The guilt though if I don't make the effort for him and he misses it will be huge. Can somebody please kidnap me

OP posts:

Welshmaenad · 29/08/2017 15:07

Of course he can go alone. He won't die.

PovertyJetset · 29/08/2017 15:10

How ill? 2 paracetamol and you could go for an hour or so then leave? Or you should be in bed poorly?

I feel it was very important I would go, and DH would go for me.

Original poster

Sunshinegirls · 29/08/2017 15:42

2 paracetamol and a sleep sort of ill I suppose. I know I should go. I really wish I didn't have to though

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunshinegirls · 29/08/2017 15:43

It's really not the type of thing he could go to alone Welsh, if it was then I wouldn't have this problem

OP posts:

Sunbeam18 · 29/08/2017 15:43

If you are ill then you can't go. Why can't he go alone and explain you are unwell?

PovertyJetset · 29/08/2017 15:48

Unless he is ahorrible person and there is a back story then you should go. It might be good!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 29/08/2017 15:50

Take two paracetamol and sleep now to be refreshed ready for later.

Loopytiles · 29/08/2017 15:50

Are you actually ill? If so then don't go.

If however you just don't want to go, that was foreseeable and you had the option not to agree to go when it was arranged.

Allthebestnamesareused · 29/08/2017 15:53

If it is a ball or dinner or the like that couples will be at of course he can still go alone. What do you think single people do? They can still go to networking events etc.

If you are ill don't go.

If you don't fancy it - decide either not to go or to go for your DH.

Either way it doesn't stop him going alone.

Columbine1 · 29/08/2017 15:56

If its you don't feel at ease in these situations I do empathise but its easier if you talk yourself into it & with practice. I usually spot someone who looks more uncomfortable than me & talk to them. They are usually very pleased.

We all have to do stuff we'd rather not from time to time. Knowing how important this is to yr OH do it for him. Have a walk in the fresh air/hot shower and put on something that you feel good in - you can do this! :)

Original poster

Sunshinegirls · 29/08/2017 16:31

columbine thanks so much for your lovely words. I really don't feel at ease at these things and I have been wondering if I am actually ill or is it a form of stress / anxiety that's making me feel awful. It's a bit of a coincidence that I get ill today of all days.
I will have a walk , paracetamol and a hot bath and try and turn my thoughts into positive ones, see if I can turn this ship around.

OP posts:

happypoobum · 29/08/2017 16:35

OP I do feel sorry for you being unwell, but it's utter bullshit that he cannot go alone - what on earth makes you say that?

What would he do if he were single or you were working abroad?

Just let him go on his own, if he doesn't want to that is his decision.

Mustang27 · 29/08/2017 16:55

If the shoe was on the other foot what would you expect of him? Hopefully that's your answer.

Welshmaenad · 29/08/2017 17:35

Unless it's a couples only sex party, he can definitely go alone. I'm sure there are single people in his company, what do they do? I'm in a LDR so go to all sorts of events alone, as does DP, even if most other people attend with a partner.

If you feel unwell, stay at home. It will probably do him good to realise he manage a social event solo.

happypoobum · 29/08/2017 17:40

Ah Welsh that must be it!!

OP you didn't explain it was that kind of party

PovertyJetset · 29/08/2017 18:17

op that sounds really good and I bet you end up having a good evening.

Well done you

notanotherNC · 29/08/2017 19:05

YA both BU. There are no events that you HAVE to have your wife at. I am sure he can manage on his own!!!

notanotherNC · 29/08/2017 19:06

Ohhhhh a swingers party! Fair enough then I stand corrected!

Columbine1 · 30/08/2017 15:41

OP I hope you are going to tell us you went & it wasn't as bad as you expected and you had fun :)

I lot of the time I hate these things but if I'm in the right mood its usually fine. I've come to realize I'm not the extrovert I thought I was. I usually tell myself I can leave by a certain time if its excruciating (& sometimes do) but mostly its more fun than anticipated.

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