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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give up my home and move in with mum

12 replies

catr1na · 29/08/2017 13:15

So I have a huge decision to make, I am having serious neighbour nuisance problems and have for the last 4 years. Where I live is getting steadily worse police never leave the street drug dealers at front and back and someone was threatened with a gun. I have bipolar and the stress is making me worse. I currently live in a housing association house as does my mum. My mum has said we are welcome to move in it would be me my 2 kids cats and a dog. My mum has stage 4 lung cancer so it would be better for her having us there but it's a huge decision and also there is no guarantee the housing would let us stay in my mum's house if anything happened to her thus making us homeless. I am at my wits end mentally and this would ease that but there is the chance as I said they could make us homeless if anything happened to mum

OP posts:

SprigofRosemary · 29/08/2017 13:18

Have you spoken to housing and asked them exactly what could happen? I think if you could be happy living with her then it sounds mutually beneficial.

SprigofRosemary · 29/08/2017 13:19

Sorry I mean have housing confirmed you could be homeless? Have you spoken to someone there?

Penny4UrThoughts · 29/08/2017 13:19

Are you both in the same housing association?

If so, ask for a joint tenancy. If it gives them another house to let, they'll view it favourably.

StarlightExpress5 · 29/08/2017 13:19

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time and your mums illness
Can you approach your mums HA and ask if you can have a joint tenancy with her and find out if the tenancy can be passed to you if something happens to her?

MsVestibule · 29/08/2017 13:21

In your situation, I would take my chances and move in with my mum. It's unlikely that they'll make you homeless (as in living on the streets) and any accommodation they give you probably won't be worse than where you're living.

However, if you're reluctant to take that risk, is it possible to apply for a swap or a house in a different area? I guess you've already looked into that, though 😕.

stormroof · 29/08/2017 13:22

I'm sorry, i think you'd be very selfish to move in with your very sick mother with a load of kids and pets. The stress/noise/mess would be the last thing she needs. You also have mental health issues and I wonder how they will manifest with the change of environment and your mothers sickness.
As for her offering, it just shows she's a good mum and cares.

Don't give up your tenancy- work with the HA to move somewhere else or for them to tackle the antisocial behaviours that you are suffering from neighbors.

Original poster

catr1na · 29/08/2017 13:30

Thanks for the replies, we are with different housing associations and I think you have to live in the property a year to get added to tenancy. I understand how it could seem selfish but my children are 19 and 15 so wouldn't be causing stress. It is a tough decision and i welcome all opinions.

OP posts:

stormroof · 29/08/2017 14:15

You can't say a 15 and 19 year old wouldn't cause any stress at all.

Also how will your DC cope with watching your DM suffer with grade 4 cancer? It will be very emotionally damaging for them.

onalongsabbatical · 29/08/2017 14:22

If your mum has said you're welcome, it may be that she'd really love to have her grandchildren around, it could even mean she might live longer as she'll have them to 'live for' IYSWIM. All human beings cause stress for other human beings - they also 'cause' love and family and companionship.
If everyone wants to, and understands that no-one's perfect and there will be stresses, I'd go for it.
Is there any way you can check in advance if you'd get tenancy rights in the event of her dying, though? (Sorry to be blunt, but you must protect your future).

Whereismumhiding2 · 29/08/2017 14:42

Please don't move in with your mum by giving up your HA tenancy in your own name without ensuring you go on that tenancy.

Also stage 4 lung cancer is devastating, are you sure you want your children to see nanny deteriorate at such close proximity? There's a difference for teenagers/DC between visiting for 3 hours and being there 24/7 listening to the oxygen machine going as someone they love deteriorates. Believe me, I was with my sister who died this year.

You'd be unlikely to be entitled to stay at your mums tenancy property at all if she moves out (into care home or ...sadly.. dies). .. chances are for such a new arrangement, you won't get offered her house- unless you were put jointly on her tenancy and HA dont like doing this!!! They have strict rules about who and why they'd do a joint tenancy.

Think about whether you'd also likely be over accomodated in terms of bedrooms for HA rules if mum wasn't there (which they ignore for over 65s with existing tenancies), from housing list would they offer you her property with that many bedrooms?

It absolutely could result in you being evicted (as not entitled to stay, no rights if not on tenancy), in temp B&B and back on housing waiting list. Best option is do a flat swap instead to be near mum.

propertingz · 29/08/2017 15:24

StarlightExpress5 · 29/08/2017 15:43

Have you looked on the home exchange website? You could do a swap.

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