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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel dreadfully guilty

16 replies

JamieFrasersMistress · 29/08/2017 12:43

I started a new job in August, its shift working and, due to the business of the season and the nature of the work then is no leave allowed during peak holiday hours. My husband also works shifts and we can't afford for either of us to go part time.
My children are 11 and 15 (nearly 12 and 16). There are times like today when DH is sleeping off a night shift and I have to go to work which means the kids have to fend for themselves during the day and there may be a few hours when they are on their own in the house. We have very good neighbours but not the type to look after them and there is nobody nearby who they can stay with. The DC say that all their friends are busy.
On my days off I make big efforts to do fun activities but on these days when I am am working I feel terrible and like I am letting them down. To give the credit they never complain.
Can anyone relate or say something to make me feel better?

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 29/08/2017 12:44

Most kids that age would kill for a 'free House's - I certainly would have!

TheSparrowhawk · 29/08/2017 12:45

'free house'

FrogFairy · 29/08/2017 12:52

So they can slob out, raid the kitchen and spend as much time watching TV, gaming or online as they wish?

Bloody heaven for them. They will love every minute.

SilverySurfer · 29/08/2017 13:05

Back in the olden days no-one would have considered that to be a problem at all. I think it's quite a relatively new phenomenon that parents think it necessary to entertain their children 24/7. I'm sure your two are capable of amusing themselves.

I bet they will enjoy it so I would stop worrying.

originaldoozy · 29/08/2017 13:12

From about the age of 12 myself and my brother were left to fend for ourselves a lot as my parents had set up their own business. We ha d neighbours we could call on in an emergency but otherwise we were alone and needed to feed ourselves etc too.

We turned out fine, in fact more than fine we enjoyed it and both of us can cook/put washing in etc when leaving home no problem.

CurlyMango · 31/08/2017 20:24

They might not even notice you are both out.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 31/08/2017 20:27

I'd have loved it at that age too!

Appuskidu · 31/08/2017 20:29

Mine are a similar age and love being home alone-don't worry!

DrHorribletookmycherry · 31/08/2017 20:29

My mum and dad worked full time through holidays from the summer before secondary, my brother is a year younger. It was great. We had a short list of things to do or buy when we dragged ourselves out of bed. We weren't allowed to have people round and we generally started off dinner. This was all before mobile phones etc.

KeepCalm · 31/08/2017 20:38

Mine are children of an unrelenting changeable shift pattern on DHs side and self employed never ending work life on mine.

They're younger than yours.

They're used to all the coming and going.

The keeping quiet when someone is sleeping.

The working over 'important dates'

It's just the way it is. Children are resilient and accept it.

Good luck Op Flowers

DamnSummerCold · 31/08/2017 21:18

At 12 I was babysitting neighbours toddler. By nearly 14 I was babysitting a 3 month old on a weekly basis.

I realise that a lot of 12 year olds aren't given the opportunity to take on that responsibility, but there's a 15 year old too.

They're not complaining because they're enjoying it.

Raver84 · 31/08/2017 21:30

My brother was 13 sister 11 and myself 9 when we were left alone for the holidays anf by that I mean every holiday there on in. Both parents worked ft. We were fine and just got on with it. No harm came to us. We had a big garden so would play outside loads and just watch TV etc. Like you mum would take us out on days off. It was fine.

SlipperyLizard · 31/08/2017 21:46

My mum was a single parent who worked all summer hols - I have no bad memories or negative feelings about it, we were perfectly capable of looking after ourselves!

Don't worry, they'll be fine and should be enjoying their independence!

Lobsterquadrille2 · 31/08/2017 21:56

I've always been a sole parent and my DD had to fend for herself from a comparatively early age (when younger, she had holiday clubs which she hated or spent a lot of time with my mother). She loved it, enjoyed her own company and also had plenty of friends. The real benefits were evident last year when she started at university - so many of her more "looked after" friends floundered, couldn't cope away from home and also put on a huge amount of weight through not knowing what or how to cook. DD just carried on away from home as she would have done here.

Don't worry.

MissMogwai · 31/08/2017 22:10

Don't feel guilty - it's just how it is.

My two have to fend for themselves in the summer hols too. (Almost 16 and 13)

I can take some leave but for about 4 weeks of it they're on their own from 8:30-5 Mon - Fri. They get up late, go out with their mates, slob out on phones etc, eat everything, bake, argue and generally enjoy having a free house.
They can go to my mums or their dads if they like but they haven't really bothered.

ISaySteadyOn · 31/08/2017 22:15

Don't feel guilty. At 11, I used to beg my mum to leave me alone and at 15 it was utter bliss when she did. They will be enjoying themselves immensely, I bet.

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