To be petrified of going back to the gym...

[Emlou07]

I joined last year weighing nearly 14st. Lasted a month or so but mainly spent my time in the jacuzzi

18 months on I'm wanting to go back as I'm in and out of bouts of depression, nearly 2st heavier and just generally really unhealthy.

BUT. I'm so bloody self conscious. Nearly 16st on a 5'3 frame seems huge. I don't carry weight well. Hips and face.

I'm planning on rejoining tonight and just going for a decent swim to start. I just have visions of everyone looking and laughing.

From experience I know most people are too busy with what their doing. In the gym. But in the pool (at our gym anyway) seem to linger the bikini clad.

Any tips?

I just had a baby so won't be starting back for at least a couple of months, but I'm in pretty much the same boat. Just moved house and don't have working scales yet but was 14st pre pregnancy and probably around the same as you now.

I'm terrified but I can either spend the next however many years of my life being terrified of swimming on holiday, wearing shorts and nice dresses etc. all because of my weight, OR I can suck it up and work hard in the gym and eating better for a few months until I'm more comfortable again.

Also, yes it's scary but trust me people in the gym are only there to better themselves, no one will laugh and to be honest probably wont even pay you any attention. You'll be fine

I don't swim so can't help there but I do go to the gym regularly. I can assure you I do only spend time focussing on what I'm doing. I may occasionally look at others, but usually it's because they're doing something I'd like to incorporate into my own routine.

I can recommend getting a personal trainer. I've had one for just over a month now and the confidence he's given me is unreal. I'm now doing lunges down the aisle carrying weights, whereas 2 months ago I was far too embarrassed to do something like that!

Hold your head up high and focus on your own goals and why you're there.

just that i don't think the gym is a terribly effective way to lose weight. I lost 5 stone a few years ago to a size 10 and did it by joining a slimming class, drastically changing my diet, and going for regular walks and to group classes.

Titting about in the gym not knowing what you are doing is just not very productive and can be a waste of money. For me, i would burn way more calories doing a class where someone is teaching my what to do, plus you are more likely to go because you meet people there and there is more responsibility on you to see them next week.

I keep my music on or watch my Ipad. I don't interact with anyone and keep myself to myself.

If anyone does rudely stare, I give them the 'fuck off' look.

I am a member of our local council run gym and you really do see people of all shapes, sizes and ages there. No one bats an eyelid. We have older people that come and walk on the treadmills, young buff gym bunnies and the musclehead 'grunters' (who like everyone to hear them lifting the weights) and larger people too. All welcome and it feels like a friendly place. Honestly, don't feel scared, the staff should help you put together a programme of exercise if that would help too.

I know it is easier said than done, but try not to worry. Most gyms have people of all shapes and sizes and everyone is there because they need to be to stay healthy. Most regulars in the gym are more worried about whether people are considerate and friendly than whether they have a particular body shape.

Oh please don't worry... people will just smile at you if they notice you at all. Most are concerned with their own activity, not what other people are doing.

So you're a couple of stones heavier, so what? You're cognisant that your health is important and you're taking steps to work towards that. Nothing else really matters. I frequently can't get to the gym/pool as often as I'd like because I travel away so much and the more I'm away the more I get out of the habit. Nobody bats an eyelid when I return other than the odd regular might wave if they see me.

I wear an mp3 player (in my hair) for the pool and listening to upbeat songs that make me happy are what makes swimming enjoyable for me. Do you do that - or would that help at all?

As for hitting the gym, mp3 player again - plan the equipment that you'll use and just solidly work your way around for 40 mins/an hour. You'll soon be back in the swing of it.

Just think that your awkwardness is only how you feel and it's inside... nobody else will think anything of you other than a co-fitness fan.

Honestly, it will be fine. Come back tomorrow and report back. :)

This is probably going to sound hideously patronising, but it genuinely isn't meant to be. I run a lot, and do a fair bit of weight training. I have fairly low fat content, and reasonable muscle mass (no 'stealth' in that boast, right!). When I see someone with a higher fat percentage, or who is obviously just starting running or at the gym, I do judge them, in that I am always really impressed at their dedication. I know how hard it is, and how self conscious you can feel - after my daughter was born, it took me a long time to build my fitness up again, and every time I went running, I wanted to tell every passerby that I had just had a baby, so that they wouldn't look down on me for being slow. I've run a marathon, a half marathon, 10ks, but I still don't feel like a 'proper' runner. I still feel that other runners are judging me.

My rambling point is that firstly, you don't know what other people are thinking. Some people will be willing you on, some people will be inspired by you, the majority of people won't notice you, to be honest - they'll be too busy working out (and taking bizarre gym selfies). Secondly - you feel self conscious because working out in public is a weird (but obviously socially acceptable) thing to do. I think most people feel self conscious. People are really good at styling it out and pretending they are completely relaxed about the whole thing, but inside we're all hoping that nobody is looking.

are you able to go outside 'normal' times? Gyms are busiest straight after work, so kind-of 5:30 - 8. And fit people who regularly exercise use them at these times.

Classes work for me, and I'm overweight and not in good shape.

Good luck.

I'd never set foot in a gym before May when I decided to check out the local leisure centre one, because it seemed better value to get full membership than pay for individual swimming now and then. I feared it would all be lycra-clad super fit people, but it's really not. There are some very fit people but equally there are skinny people, larger people, people clearly in their seventies or older, sometimes 13-14yo kids coming in with parents. There's one lady who occupies one of the vario machines for a full hour doing the slowest up-down motion you've ever seen, but no one pays her any attention. Same as the muscle-y bloke who warms up for his weights by running on the treadmill and making strange whooping sounds. Everyone is dutifully ignored. Other than the folk there with friends who do some chatting, everyone else is plugged in or zoned out and just focusing on their own workouts. If you're working hard and getting in a sweaty mess, that's great, well done!

Seriously, nobody gives a shit what anyone else in the gym looks like.

I went this morning at 5am. No make up, hair scraped back, sweated through my top.

Oh, and I weigh 14 stone.

This is important for your health and happiness; don't let your (mostly incorrect) perception of how judgy other people are stop you doing anything.

Honestly I would be thinking well done to you. You are there trying which is more than anybody sat on the sofa. Most people will appreciate just how fucking hard it is to take those first steps. Do not berate yourself just keep going.

Remember that nobody knows how much you weigh - it isn't like you are wearing a tshirt with '16 stone' in luminous yellow writing.
Yes there will be smaller people there, there will probably be bigger people too, I weigh 11.5 stone at the moment but have been 13.5 too - several times after pregnancy (I eat continually when pregnant and gained 3 stone each pregnancy) but I have to remember that I'm exercising for my own benefit and my health and sod everyone else!
Having said that, I prefer to be outside walking or running in the fresh air than in a sweaty gym, but each to their own. It just matters that you do something. Good luck!

There are people of all shapes and sizes at my gym. No one bats an eyelid

I'm over 16 stone I am 5'9'' but carry it all on my arse and legs. If. See someone heavy I don't stare as I'm doing my own thing but I do think 'good for you!' It is true that the gym is only a part of weight loss it's 80% diet related.

1: most people are engrossed in their own concerns. Honestly, think about the last time you were at the shops, you might have clicked someone else, but most likely they were just people in all their human variations.

2) if, and it's a big if, people do notice you and if ( you see two conditionals very unlikely to be fulfilled) all they notice about you is that you have big hips, they will not be judging you negatively but positively. You are taking ownership of your situation and working to improve it. ( I speak as a size 16 too anxious to eat in front of people in the work canteen in fear of judgement, but I do go to the gym and run/swim).

I joined a gym when I was overweight and I felt very similar to you but honestly it got better very quickly. I went onto lose four stone and the gym staff bloody loved me, I guess because I was someone they could use as an example that going there worked. Had so many compliments and so much support as I began to shed the weight. Go for it!

There are a few very obese people at my gym and I always feel admiration for them.

No one will look at you, I promise, except if a member of staff asks if you would like any help. Have some useful questions ready for in case that happens - make them earn their money!

Good luck. It's hard to get started - the first time you go is tough. But then if you are overweight by your own standards, you will find things start changing very fast. the first time is the hardest. Soon you will be incentivised by positive change.

Everyone on this thread is rooting for you. go for it!

They don't laugh at you, why would they? They're admiring that you've managed to overcome the obstacles and actually get there. As for the staff, you're a paying customer as good as any.

I'm with you. 5' 2" / 14st 8lb & haven't been back to the gym since my induction.

I tell myself I'm waiting until the kids are back at school & the leisure centre's quieter, then I'll try the gym again. Will I do it? Not sure.

I know people won't laugh out loud, but I'm clumsy, uncoordinated & fell off the exercise bike last time. Also feel bad in my huge baggy t-shirt & sausage shaped leggings.

Diet-wise, I still have no clue. Slimfast or Low-Carb? Decisions, decisions.

Just tell yourself that, once you are in the pool, no one can really see what size you are and won't be looking anyway. That's what i do anyway.

Oh, tip two. Don't start going in January. January is when everyone starts going to the gym so it is a) busier b) the time of year when the regulars give all the newbies the stinkeye for daring to keep membership costs down invade their territory. Sept is a perfect month to start.

I wonder if there should be a gym buddy scheme - a place to meet up with someone random who just fancies a work out. Booking a PT can be a bit scary and going alone seems to be too. Just having someone who's ready to go but just needs a tiny little bit more encouragement. Just thinking aloud, don't mind me.

That's a great idea Kiki - I think you should pitch it to your local gym & send it viral! I'm sure there'd be a lot interested!